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I need to vent! I've been the one organizing Thanksgiving this year. We usually have it at my mother-in-law's house - my family and my husband's sister's family. For several years, one or the other of my SIL's children have been at odds with each other and hasn't come to family holidays. This year, they are BOTH at odds with my SIL, and she doesn't want to come because all my family (my kids and their families) will be there and hers won't. So, Mama didn't want to "rub it in" by having it at her house.
OK, I found this out a month ago, and have been cleaning my house to prepare for it. Then (and this is a GOOD thing), Alan's Mom offered for us to have it at her house afterall because it is more spread out, with this covid thing. That was a relief, as I didn't have to finish the deep cleaning that I would have had to do. Mama has this very large Florida room, where we will all be able to be spaced out. My twin friends, Jeannie and Joannie, had said they would NOT come to Thanksgiving, but I offered to put them at a completely separate table. They're afraid to take off their masks (they each wear TWO) even at a separate table (and even though nobody else is sick or has really been around a lot of other people). So, they're still not coming.
Then I find out that my son's wife "doesn't know" if she is going to come and be exposed to everybody. Even though I offered to set up a separate table for THEM, she still didn't know if she was going to come (which means my son wouldn't come either). So, this morning, my son comes up right after I had just woken up and says his wife has agreed to come IF we have Thanksgiving next door at the church, OUTIDE under the bus awning. OUTSIDE -- with 60% chance of rain. OUTSIDE -- where all the food will get cold. OUTSIDE -- where it's been very windy lately, and will probably blow everything off the tables!
I'm pretty fed up with this whole "trying to please everybody" thing, and I personally have NO INTENTION of ruining the meal for EVERYONE just to make it "acceptable" for one person. Nobody's sick. Everyone can wear mask until it's time to start shoveling food into their mouths. Everyone will be 6' apart. There will only be a maximum of NINE people in a room that is 12' x 30' !!!
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More leftovers for those choosing to celebrate together 😉
24 Nov 20 by member: LambiePi
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Good for you. You've been so nice and compliant for years, to the point of letting some people run all over you (homeless border for instance), people, even nice people are just too tempted to ask you to change things just for them. Gee Debbie, aren't you a contortionist. We love your kind and gentle heart but it has come at a cost to you. Sounds like this time the "cost" of cold and maybe wet food, and bodies for everyone, is too high to even be logical. Our governor asks us to put our masks on between bites. Madness. Oh, we all have feet of clay, don't we? If everyone couldn't make up their minds, the poor cook wouldn't even know who to cook for. Express your love to her verbally,(not by giving in) maybe it will help a little. She is in a bind. I can understand since I need to protect my husband and therefore myself. Many people are having hard decisions this Holiday season. Thank you for venting. We love you, and I will pray for you. The Lord does use you, I personally know that! I vote for it to be at Alan's mom's house, less work for you. The big room is a bonus.
24 Nov 20 by member: Snowwhite100
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If the Florida Room has operating windows, inform your DIL that their table will be near an open window as prescribed by the CDC and therefore effectively removing her objection to joining you! Here in Phoenix we're lucky that the forecast is for upper 60's / low 70's on Thursday, BUT BREEZEY(which can mean anything including up to 50 mph microbursts)! So we are having dinner outdoors with the same elderly lady we've celebrated with for the past number of years. This will be my first "visit" at anyone's home since March. I will be wearing my mask, except when eating, and keeping my distance out of both self preservation and respect for others. I wish everyone could adopt that mentality and stop blaming the government for either caring too much with mandates or not enough with none. I hope you stay well and safe too my friend.
24 Nov 20 by member: jeannieselby
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"this is how it will be, we'd love to see you but understand if you won't be joining us". THE END
24 Nov 20 by member: Rckc
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I'd set up a card table with two chairs outside of whatever room you're using. if you're feeling generous, you can set an umbrella by each chair just in case it rains.
24 Nov 20 by member: Katsolo
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My Wife and I just decided to proceed with our normal plans for the day, We put the invitation out and left it to the individuals to decide. If you come - great - if you are uncomfortable and chose not to - great. We will have in and outside spaces and will abide by our local directives. However, we are not going to cater to anyone's issues or demands. If no one comes over I will have a ton of awesome left overs. win win.
24 Nov 20 by member: tahoebrun
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Thanksgiving you won't forget!! You've done enough, plan it the way you want to!!
24 Nov 20 by member: Jeff Minthorn
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Just do what you can do and leave the rest up to them. God will have who needs to be there, there! 🙏💜🌾🍁🍂🙏🙏🙏💜
24 Nov 20 by member: Diana 1234
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I’m so sorry! That sounds like an awful mess! You keep doing your best & keep your head up! You got this!!!!!!!
24 Nov 20 by member: HeavenlieMama
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oh my, drama! I"m so sorry you have to deal with this! I guess I'm fortunate that Thanksgving & Christmas days have always been at my in=laws. Then after the big D (divorce) it continued that way for my kids going to my ex's parents then when they passed (parents) it was/is to my ex's place with his sisters helping celebrate. I just as soon order out by myself or sleep, lol! My family normally would celebrate Chirstmas on the eve anyway so I don't really feel left out. PLUS I get to see my boys & their family more often other times anyway. Best of luck to you and just do what you can and let them deal with the rest, as someone else suggested :-)
24 Nov 20 by member: JMA312
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Oh my!!! So sorry it is such a mess for you. Fell lucky. Am going to my middle daughter's no stress or restrictions
24 Nov 20 by member: wholefoodnut
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Vent away!!! I think it helps gain perspective! This is tough because everyone has a different level of fear. And everyone has different thoughts, and expectations. I've always felt It's important to respect other people's feelings even when I don't agree. I don't pressure people when they say 'No' and I dislike it when people pressure me. (Not that you're doing that.) We aren't celebrating holidays with anyone this year because of my husband's health issues. Some of my family has an issue with this but mainly because sadly they think the virus is a hoax. We still know we love each other regardless but I can't control others feelings, only my own. So if they harbor resentment I can't help that. I'd I'd rather my husband stays alive because we will one day get together again! I just wouldn't be able to enjoy myself if I went as I'd be worried the entire time. So, coming from this perspective I think it would be nice to be invited and presented with possible options, but not pressured. But I totally get the frustration of planning and preparing and the indecisiveness and last minute changes. Also, they can't expect everyone to bend over backwards to accommodate them but hopefully they will also understand your point of view. I see you're doing your best to eliminate risk but don't be mad if they still decline. But they shouldn't be mad if you don't do it outside either. Well, that's my opinion anyhow for what its worth. Good luck! Holidays are often so stressful!
24 Nov 20 by member: bearnoggin
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It's so hard right now for many people. You can only make decisions for yourself. If you can do something to accommodate your Daughter in law without making it hard for everyone else involved, you can offer. She has to decide if that offer is something she can live with. Try not to stress if she & your son decide they can't attend. Just tell them you will miss seeing them & look forward to when you're able to be together again. I have many friends that don't feel any indoor contact is comfortable for them right now. I respect their decisions & hope they can respect mine, since I'm choosing to join family to celebrate.
24 Nov 20 by member: SherryeB
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I have some advice.... just cook for those who will come and have a great time with them. Screw the rest. Don't feel bad, make yourself happy. It's your holiday too, you deserve to be happy.
24 Nov 20 by member: Jay the
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Debbie, I hope things work themselves out for you and you get to enjoy one another. Happy Thanksgiving anyway!
24 Nov 20 by member: Texasgranny6
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Cancel it. Not worth the aggravation. All of these people who are expressing concern are correct.
25 Nov 20 by member: Kenna Morton
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Jeannie and Joanie are the smartest of the bunch, if ya ask me.
25 Nov 20 by member: davidsprincess
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I have to agree with Kenna and Davidprincess, it’s best to cancel it and talk to each other on zoom or FaceTime, Just think how you’d feel if someone–or even more than just one person—got the COVID virus and either died from it or was suffering for years afterwards due to the nasty effects it can have on the heart and lungs,
25 Nov 20 by member: Peloux
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Don't cancel.... Thanksgiving is a sacred tradition for American families. If people don't want to come, that's fine, and their choice to make. Invite people to the Thanksgiving that you are planning, and if people don't come, it's their loss. The people that DO show up will have a great time.
25 Nov 20 by member: P-U-N-X
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All it takes is one person who has it (and may not be feeling the symptoms as covid-19 incubation time is 14 days with a median time of 4-5 days from exposure to symptom onset) to spread it without even knowing. I've seen family members that went to birthday parties, where no one was "feeling" sick, and later on finding out that almost everyone who attended tested positive. I've had one very close family member almost die. I don't think it's worth the risk. We live in a time where technology can bring us together. Imagine if this had happened before we had the means to virtually connect. I say cancel and keep everyone safe so that maybe this year won't be someone's last Thanksgiving. I'd rather have more Thanksgivings and Christmases and birthdays to look forward to than feeling guilty because someone died.
25 Nov 20 by member: lettygaylor
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