DairyFarmersWife's Journal, 10 August 2018

How does one make friends? This has been the ongoing topic in my life this week. It all started with the cattle show today and the lack of resources to get a calf to the show that didn't involve a 500 lb animal in the back of an Acadia... it wouldn't have gone well. It wouldn't have gone well at all. How is a calf show connected to making friends? Well.. when you ask a person you considered a friend to let your calf ride along with their calf and you volunteer money for gas and the hassle or ice cream at the fair as a thanks and undying gratitude only to be blown off and never answered you realize you may have overestimated your position in that persons life. I then realized that I didn't really have anyone else to ask because well.. all of my friends are in Chicago and I live in CNY. I moved away from my friends and never managed to make friends out here. I tried. They are either too busy or I'm too busy or we don't really connect.

I mentioned this to a friend in Chicago and she has the same problem only all her close friends either moved away or life got too busy for her. So now we are both wondering... how does a grown woman approach another grown woman and say hey do you want to be my friend. Sure we could do this but we are both pretty sure that comes off as somewhat.. questionable. I came up with idea of filling a cart with wine and then approaching them to see if they wanted to be friends but I guess that makes me look desperate.

I'm at a loss. Being a farmer is kind of isolating. You don't socialize, you don't have your friends over for a milking party, and finding people who want poop splatter on them is harder than you would think! Working in the city and living an hour away is also isolating. I don't live near anyone I work with. I can't go out after for a drink or plan something on the weekend because of the kids.

That whole cart of wine thing is looking better and better. As long as it isn't the wine at the little grocery store in town.. that stuff will make you sick as a dog! What do you expect from wine that is only $4.99 in a grocery store the size of 4 car garage? I can't even remember how I made friends as a kid. I think we just randomly asked if you want to come to our house and play with my stuff?!?!?!?! Again.. seems kinda like a man in a van with candy.

Maybe adults don't have friends....

Diet Calendar Entry for 10 August 2018:
2966 kcal Activities & Exercise: Fitbit - 24 hours. more...

40 Supporters    Support   

1 to 20 of 41
I don't have friends either, I use to have but I live here, there, everywhere, so now I am alone , I have never been that kind of person with 100 friends, but I miss my 2-3 friends that I had  
10 Aug 18 by member: keilin-4
I can relate with this. When we moved to Arizona, we left all of our friends back home. We've been here for five years and I do not have any friends. I have friends I work with but the live on the other side of the city and don't go out and socialize. I miss having people to talk to other than my hubby. I will be your friend! Let's open a bottle of wine and celebrate! 
10 Aug 18 by member: mickfan1
I don't have any friends either and I have lived here my whole life. I wish I knew the answer because I would love to have a friend.  
10 Aug 18 by member: loveshope26
I am in the same boat - being housebound basically gets lonely and with social anxiety issues it is even more so...wishing you the best! 
10 Aug 18 by member: nikeit
Yep i can relate too. My roommate is basically my bff. He has become friends with our neighbor. I have lived next door to them for 12 years, and he has lived here for 2. Now they moved and it sucks bc we just don't have many friends. I just think ppl are too busy with kids and families. 
10 Aug 18 by member: jengetfit123
Yes. people are busy... BUT you get out what you put in, meaning you have to make the effort. Go to concerts, or golfing, or hikes, or whatever you are into... there are a ton of networks of people that like doing things you like to do... but if you like to just watch TV or surf the internet you arent going to make many if any friends... so being honest with yourself about what you are doing to change your status quo is key... take responsibility for your friendship status or lack thereof... and if you really want friends, you will make them... but you have to make the first move... hope that helps... 
10 Aug 18 by member: G$HB
Looks like we all have the same problem, I got married a few years ago and moved to the country because my husband farms, and I've been trying to make inroads in the small community we are nearest too. I honestly don't think I'm putting myself out there enough, but I have two young children and I do work full time in a town about an hour away so we are similar in that we are crunched for time. This fall, when the farming community slows down a bit, I'm planning on "trying" to start a bunco group, which would include your basket of wine ;). Just keep trying, do lots of lunch dates, invite people over for playdates with your kids. Good Luck! 
10 Aug 18 by member: Abber16
lol I know exactly what you mean 
10 Aug 18 by member: Asmerella
maybe just get to know someone with email or messages on here that's how I found a friend even though we never have met its fun to be her friend she sends me email and writes tidbits to read it is fun to know someone cares enough to email me and I like having her as my friend I live in ohio and I could be youre friend too my name is Maggie.... 
10 Aug 18 by member: maggie64
Yep, same boat. I’ve been here over 20years. Have “work friends” that I love, but we don’t do much outside of work. Have a bestie, but she’s a 6 hour plane ride away...Have one couple that we travel with, but not much else...I end up feeling we’re friends because our husbands are... one sweet friend, who moved an hour away... no one to vent to, chat with, go see the chick flicks, talk about books, etc. I’ve never had tons of friends, but always a special one or two. I have a great life, but it def has it’s lonely times 
10 Aug 18 by member: Lisalr
I think we should start a group for women who want to be friends with other women - as for G$HB - maybe all of us can't get out and run around looking for friends and even if we can it doesn't mean it is easy for everyone - that was a really arrogant post and in no way was it meant to be helpful 
10 Aug 18 by member: nikeit
If you ever move to Hawaii, give me a shout. I'd be delighted to help you with that cart of wine, don't mind poop, and will even help with the milking. Where the hell is my teleportation device?! 
10 Aug 18 by member: LZenn
I have moved many times from state to state. Making real friend isn’t easy but you can fill your time with likeminded people and possibly a friend will grow from that. Try joining a group of people that are interested in a hobby that you find interesting. 
10 Aug 18 by member: Stellagray
I think this is a universal phenomena. Several of my very good friends have moved out of state, several are all wrapped up in babysitting grandkids, others have enough illnesses and afflictions that they no longer are really active unless it is from the couch to the fridge and I have lost a couple to diabetes/heart disease and diabetes/stroke just in the last few months. I have meet some great people at my gym where I swim everyday and I go to school at least three days a week. But I do miss those weekends away camping, time spent up at my Ranch with large groups of people, hiking and tripping out that we did so much of in the past.  
10 Aug 18 by member: Kenna Morton
Glad I'm not the only one! My friends have all moved out of state, and although we maintain long distance friendships, I don't have any locally :( 
10 Aug 18 by member: VeggieJunkie
Was wondering if you have any hobbies. I am a quilter and once a month the local quilt shop has a block of the month that I go to and it was today. So after we picked up the block and listened to the presentation about 8 of us went to lunch. I also belong to a guild and to an embroidery group. Can you do any volunteer work at a local hospital, or meals on wheels, or any other local organizations that need help. can you join a garden club? You need th o carve some time out of your week for your needs. Good luck. 
10 Aug 18 by member: Fishingwidow
I found it difficult after my divorce to make new friends but I have. I maintained friends from when my kids were little to now by participating in activities of the group of 10 or so who had kids about the same ages. I joined a dinner club that met weekly. That was a dud, no friends in that group and I stopped being friends with the person who invited me to that group. I joined a dancing group instead of a gym, so I see about 25 of the same people every week there, but only have been at non-dance events with 8 or so of those. I host barbecues about twice a year, and accept most invitations from others, so I go to an outside-the-dance activity with dancers about once a month. I have two best friends, one I have had for 24 years and the other for less than 4, but we have attitudes in common and click on a lot of levels. I think the hard part where you are is that you don't have enough volume to work with. Plus your kids are spread in age so you aren't meeting the same people over and over in different contexts. Like, I have two good friends who have two daughters the same age as my two, and I used to see them all the time in various places, waiting for kids we would have conversations. My 28 year old daughter is having a hard time with it too, especially where most of her college friends are male. They don't hang out with her like they used to, and not at all if they get a girlfriend. My dance friends are all different ages, that is something that I think helps me. 
10 Aug 18 by member: abbadabba
As adults, it is challenging to make new friends, but is still possible. To truly be close friends, there seems to require a substantial amount of quality time together, such as growing up together or having kids in common or both. With adults, to find new friends, it is basically one person making the effort to start the friendship -- even if it is more of an acquaintance -- and/or joining a local group, whether a devotional group or a common ground interest/club.  
10 Aug 18 by member: MightyFull
I found that through the years you have friends that come into your life during a certain period of your life, you meet because you have something in common like having young children. I have also found that if you have a shared activity (hopefully healthy) that is a good way to meet people. I have always enjoyed dancing, so I have always had my dance friends. Then you have your friends that you have know for years. I have some friends that I have known since I was a child. I don't see them much but I know they are there. I think the most important thing is to go out and join groups that sound interesting to you. I was involved in Community Theater for a time and that is how I met my husband. Go out and find something that sounds interesting to you. I was self employed for years and that was very isolating. Good luck on your journey.  
10 Aug 18 by member: Little Red Fox
Hello! I work as a travel nurse case manager on 13 week contracts in various states so it is hard to develop true friends. My best friend lives in Canada and I’m now living in the suburbs of Las Vegas and decided not to work for awhile to focus on my MBA Health Care Administration. So, I am pretty isolated now. My heart’s desire is to make a lifestyle change back to having horses again. I really miss the lifestyle. That is actually a nice way to make friends because there are groups that go trail riding together or participate in horse shows and rodeos. Not easy making true friends. Especially when you are single. People pretty much have their own lives that includes kids, grandkids, spouses or boyfriends and people work and don’t seem to have time like they used to. I look at it like we have or close friends who you know they will always have your back and who you dearly love like family and you feel the same way about them. I call that my inner circle of friends. I think if people are honest with themselves they probably have only 1-3 maybe 4 of those. Then you have people who you call friends but you cannot trust them 100% with everything but you enjoy spending time with them. That is not the inner but the second ring of friends. Then there are acquaintances. People you are kind and pleasant to, like people you work with and pass in the hall. They are the next outer ring of people. Then there is the outer most ring of people that you do not want to share anything about your life with because they have issues and personalities that you don’t care to drag into your own happy and peaceful life because they have issues with needing or creating drama and chaos into their lives, chemical addictions, anger issues, or they are always negative or always complaining about something or someone, or they don’t have healthy boundaries and have a victim mentality, or an attitude of learned helplessness or an attitude of entitlement, things like that. There is a lot to be said for peace and stability in one’s life. Choosing ones friends well is so important. I’d rather be in peace and solitude by myself than having to deal with drama and chaos. Being alone does not necessarily mean one is lonely. 
10 Aug 18 by member: cannjensen


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