DairyFarmersWife's Journal, 31 July 2018

I got to day 12 of my sugar fast and I fell onto a pecan roll... er face. I fell flat on my face. I spent a day giddy as a kid on a sugar high and now? Now I'm dusting myself off and continuing onward. One mistake doesn't mean disaster. One mistake is a lesson to learn from and go forward with a better understanding of why I fall flat onto pecan rolls.

Life is throwing me curveballs lately. Just when I think I know what my path will be the path zigs or zags and before I know it I'm back in the cow pies. When life appears to take pity on me and offer me hope.. it takes that hope away. I consider myself a pretty simple person. I'm laid back and I don't ask for a lot. At least I didn't think I asked for a lot. Maybe asking for love is a lot. Maybe that whole loving committed decades long romances that stuck together through thick and thin is a kind of unicorn. Maybe that's why we all say AWE.... when we see an old couple holding hands. Anyways.. not to be all depressing and doom and gloom. But I've been thinking and life has been zigging and zagging and taking things from me.

Life gives us cards. It's up to us to determine how we play them. Life has given me amazing kids, a great job, a life in the country with animals that poop a lot and a lot of people only wish they had a lot of pooping animals, everyone is healthy, we have a roof over our heads, and I have enough money in my purse to buy groceries. That story book romance I had hoped for... it's not in my cards right now. Not because there is anything wrong or missing with me.. it's just not meant to be. I think that is the card that I was dealt. I've been given the card of learning who I am, accepting who I am, and growing into myself. I'm not supposed to grow to be what someone wants me to be. I'm not supposed to explore who I am with someone influencing those decisions either directly or because I got self conscious they would see me in my yoga pants.

Maybe if I love and accept myself and I grow into the me I'm supposed to be then maybe the parts that are missing won't seem so bad. You never know when life will throw another card into the mix and you never know if it will be a high card or a low card. If I can say I lived this life as my own authentic self.. then I think I will win regardless. Even if there is no hand holding when I'm old and wrinkled.

Diet Calendar Entry for 31 July 2018:
2273 kcal Activities & Exercise: Fitbit - 24 hours. more...

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My gramma and granpa held hands well into their 40th year of marriage and were all lovey dovey but my granpa was an alcoholic who spent all the extra money on whiskey and worked for little pay. So even though my gramma was all hot for him in public, we all knew that he sent her into major depression every 5 years or so. You have to be your own best self because only you and yours know what goes on behind closed doors. 
31 Jul 18 by member: abbadabba
Pecan rolls, drooooool. YUM! I think learning to accept yourself is important. You can work on yourself for you, but it's when we start trying to "fix" things because we think it's important to someone else, that we start questioning who we are. We have to be comfortable with ourselves before we can shine and be known and truly know that someone else loves us because they see who we are and love the whole package. Here's hoping some good cards are dealt your way soon! 
01 Aug 18 by member: mars2kids

     
 

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