Ms Elizabeth's Journal, 07 April 2015

Today's motivation is brought to you by broccoli farts. Ok not really. I've had a veggie omlette two days in a row now and all I smell is broccoli farts so I have broccoli farts on the brain today. I can now say for the first time ever.. I woke up my husband last night with.. a broccoli fart. Man snores like a chainsaw and my one teeny tiny silent fart woke him up.. ok it wasn't teeny or tiny but I thought it would be but then it turned out to be as loud as a freaking bullhorn. Luckily he refuses to eat broccoli so he didnt put the two together and I pretended to still be asleep. I blame the dogs.. or the small humans. They had both given up on their own beds to climb into ours at that point. So.. it was a toddler, baby, boxer, and lab sonic boom.. that smelled of broccoli. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

I swore to do a sugar fast for 30 days yesterday and I was doing soooo good! I had a veggie omlete, leftover steak for lunch, baked chicken in a salad for dinner, some slightly odd looking colored hard boiled eggs and a piece of cheese for snack, a small serving of blueberries because the lack of carbs was making me light headed.. I was doing AMAZING. Then somehow I was on my way to the kitchen and one of those malted milk robbins eggs jumped into my mouth. Out of nowhere.. literally jumped in. Ok.. I threw it in the air to see if I could catch it in my mouth and I did. I was so proud of myself 5 more of his friends followed. So.. sugar fast. Fail. I will start again today though. Yesterday was apparently just a practice day. Plus the farmhand took the night off and I had to milk cows, wrangle kids, watch the wrangled kids throw tantrums because they were tired of looking at cow butts, watch the preteen in full makeup do barn chores with attitude because she's grounded working off $100 which is like.. totally.. unfair. None of her friends have to do this stuff!!!! HEhehehehehe Lucky her she lives on a diary farm. Lucky me I can say that's a load of BS!! Now go shovel some of it. Which she did.. and it took her 10 times longer than a normal human being. Why do I tell you all this? Because by 9 pm I was exhausted physically and emotionally and people were still whining so I ate a freaking egg and it was good and I told myself I earned it. Moral of the story.. stop rewarding self with candy. Reward self with silence or shoes or a steak. So if I make it through 30 days without processed sugar I'm taking myself out to a steak lunch, by myself, on my way to buy shoes. And I'm going to enjoy every minute of it without guilt. Yup.. only 30 measly little days. I can do it.

So.. todays motivation is.. I have no freaking clue. I think it's a steak lunch. Or maybe it's shoes. Maybe it's just taking the time to reward myself instead of leaving the shoe store with shoes for everyone but me. No wait.. I've got it!!! It's the power of the broccoli fart! By eating right I now have a secret weapon! I'm going to go crop dust the cube farm now because well.. I forgot my earbuds and I'm tired of people talking about going to get new bikinis. Maybe this will allow me to lose 2 more lbs. I have a theory that broccoli farts weigh at least 2 lbs. Because well.. That's about what I lost after the sonic boom incident.