Ms Elizabeth's Journal, 06 April 2015

Today I'm motivated by health coaches who read from a script and can't see me making obscene gestures. At work we have a health motivational program. If we attend a health fair and make so many phone calls to a health coach we get $500 off our insurance. If we dedicate ourselves to losing 5% of our weight we get a $250 gift card. The only catch is we have to have 6 phone calls with these pretend health coaches. I call them pretend because the phone call is always the same and obviously scripted. How much do you weigh, did you do everything you said you were going to do.. and what are you going to set as your goal for next time? Every freaking time. Well ok.. what are you going to do for the next phone call? What are you going to do better? It's annoying. What can I do better? I can do everything I know I'm supposed to do and not slip up. That would be FANTABULOUS. That can't be a goal though. I have to set a goal. Today I set my goal to go on a sugar fast for 30 days.. The health coach seemed.. surprised. Really? You can do that? What if you can't do that? Aren't you going to give yourself cheat days? So much motivation. I'm not sure I can contain the motivation this guy has installed into me. So... my new motivation is to go on a sugar fast and tell the health coach to go suck it.

Speaking of goals.. I'm tempted to start my own challenge because well.. when people are watching me I tend to act better. I can't do x, y, or z.. someone will see me! Kinda like picking your nose. The guy in the car next to you in rush hour traffic will ALWAYS pick his nose. Unless you stare at him. Then he will pick his nose, notice you saw him, and look straight ahead for the next 30 minutes of gridlock. I think challenges are the same thing. It's anti-nose picking or diet cheating motivation. Yes I can fit 5 of those giant robbin eggs in my mouth.. but I can't because the other people in the challenge will see them on my food log and know that I ate them! But.. the baby was reaching for them and they were mine darn it!! I mean they were a chocking hazzard. Really.. shoving them all in my mouth was a safety requirement. Sure.. I didn't have to get them out of the bag but now that they were out and in my hand I had to put them out of harms way! Into my mouth. See?? A challenge would make this thought process less acceptable. And shameful. I need a challenge just for the shame factor. yup yup. I can practice my sugar fast for the next week while I wait to see who is nutty enough to join me. And yes.. I will send all of you an invitation. Because well.. if you read all of this and still join then you must have a sense of humor. None of this is possible without a sense of humor.

I'm going to go think up some insane challenge now that I hope I don't fail. But I can't fail.. because if I do someone will see and judge me just like the nose picker this morning.

EDIT: Well I created the challenge then I think I got a hiccup at the invite thing so if you want to join I guess you just have to find it. Think of it as an easter egg hunt. Even if you only agree with one of the mini-challenges then I think you join because sometimes it's about the laugh and support more than your support of bacon consumption.