Yolanda9179's Journal, 05 April 2014

The first gift of the day, given to me from me. 189.0, beautifully done. I went to the store yesterday to get some new dress clothes for my interview next week (part of the nursing school application process), and I have confirmed that I am indeed a size 12/14. I needed to confirm it with fresh clothes, as I found it very easy to doubt the used jeans I bought from my friend lol. Very hard to wrap my head around that. I'm elated. Except from the brief moment that must have happened when I was an early teen, I have never been this small. When I was pregnant with my daughter at 16 I weighed in at 235.

I'm going to start my day off right with an intense cardio session at the gym. Preferably running, we will see what's available. I need to blow off some steam. My mom and brother kind of made me feel guilty when they asked if I was going over to visit them for a good ol' family birthday. I almost laughed out loud when I said "NO!" Then the guilt lol. I shouldn't feel guilty, it's not like they went out of their way to make any plans with me. Hell, one year I got suckered in to buying them all dinner on my birthday!! Ugh, family. My brother also decided to ask me what I would do if he committed suicide. If you are a Harry Potter fan, these people are my death eaters. Cried the whole drive home, slept if off, starting fresh today.

No change with my friend Kayla. She is still in a coma and completely unresponsive. Her grandmother has little hope, and seeing as how that woman has been an RN her whole life I'm inclined to share her opinion. Now it has been brought to my attention that Kayla's grandparents are looking for Kayla's possessions...that my brother specifically told me he returned to them. Nobody seems to know what happened to them, and I am so afraid he pawned them for dope money. Doesn't get much lower than that. I haven't asked him yet, I'm afraid of the answer.

But that was a Friday in the life of Yolanda, and today is a Saturday. A day I intend to spend entirely with my husband and our two wonderful fighting children :-). Hell, today and tomorrow lol. And maybe I'll just give all of my shifts with my sister to another provider. It will cut my income drastically, but think of the sanity that will be saved. The sanity... Busting out of my hamster wheel and making a break for it!

It's going to be a good day, and I don't mean to make it sound like I'm wallowing in misery because I'm not. Sure, these are troubling times in the kingdom, but journaling is my therapy, I get it out and put it away. Also helps me to work through my own emotions. Which reminds me, I remember someone told me they had been to al-anon, and talking about support groups. I don't know where to start in finding something like that for myself, everything I've found is in Cleveland, which is way to far from here. Any pointers would be greatly appreciated.

Have a wonderful day everyone :-)
189.0 lb Lost so far: 97.0 lb.    Still to go: 43.0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.

Diet Calendar Entry for 05 April 2014:
2636 kcal Fat: 109.05g | Prot: 156.89g | Carb: 226.75g.   Breakfast: Egg White, Bertolli Olive Oil, Egg, Nickles Light 35 Wheat Bread, Coffee-Mate Original Powder Creamer, Bob Evans Original Pork Sausage Patties (52g). Lunch: Longhorn Steakhouse Texas Tonion, Longhorn Steakhouse Renegade Top Sirloin (8 oz), Longhorn Steakhouse Plain Sweet Potato, Longhorn Steakhouse Butter (for Sweet Potato), Longhorn Steakhouse Cinnamon Sugar (for Sweet Potato), Longhorn Steakhouse Freshly Baked Bread Loaf, Sangria. Dinner: Borden Shredded Cheddar Cheese, HEB Extra Lean Ground Beef 96/4, Bolthouse Farms Salsa Ranch Yogurt Dressing, Old El Paso Super Stuffer Taco Shells, Ortega Taco Seasoning Mix. Snacks/Other: Dannon Light & Fit Yogurt - Strawberry (Container), Kellogg's FiberPlus Antioxidants Chewy Bars - Dark Chocolate Almond. more...
on diet I Work out!   losing 1.9 lb a week

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Comments 
you seem too be coping pretty well. you're a strong person. i know how exciting the clothing thing is. i'm wearing clothing now that i wouldn't have fit into anytime in the last 30 years. enjoy the family time, the kids will be grown up before you know it. mine are both adult now. fortunately, we all really enjoy being together and are all still geographically close, as well. 
05 Apr 14 by member: timconard
Happy Birthday Yo, and CONGRATS on getting into the 180s! You are "Rockin' this Place"! Many prayers for YOU and your friend! God Bless! 
05 Apr 14 by member: millerm40
First... enjoy your first skinny birthday. With many more to come. Your brother... He's playing with your head and knows you're probably the only person in the "family" he can screw with. Of course, I'm sure you came up with a dozen responses on the ride home. Please see if you can squeeze an alanon meeting in once a week. One hour and it will help with your sanity. Hugs and blessings to you sweets. 
05 Apr 14 by member: ClassicRocker
Happy Birthday! Enjoy your day! Congrats on conquering the 180s!!!! 
05 Apr 14 by member: aggie95
Great job on the loss, and Happy birthday. I am very very proud of you, and with the family thing I have got to say Very Proud of you for not giving in. Please do not ever feel guilty about how you feel, I understand it and can relate but try not to feel guilty. Have a fantastic weekend 
05 Apr 14 by member: SherrieC
Happy Birthday and congratulations on getting onto the 180s :-) I have to say, if my brother did what you suspect your brother has done with your friend's possessions, brother or no I'd be reporting him to the police for theft. But not today. Today, as you rightly say is for you, your husband and your kids. Have a fantastic weekend!! 
05 Apr 14 by member: Phooka
Happy Birthday Darling! Have a fabulous day with the hubby and kids...you deserve it...Congrats on reaching the 180's! 
05 Apr 14 by member: kmunson
Didn't you just hit onederland? Such a showoff. Oh, I know. Loss of weight from the hair you donated. That must be it. ;) You are doing everything right! 
05 Apr 14 by member: northernmusician
Happy day ! You will drop even more weight. Watch and see. Take care,be good to yourself.  
05 Apr 14 by member: Char60
Holy crap you're melting away!! Nice job!! :) 
05 Apr 14 by member: waynem37
Your weight loss is going great, Yolanda! Happy Birthday!  
06 Apr 14 by member: Deb_N
Hope the rest of your birthday is as wonderful as it's beginning! Congratulations on seeing the 80s! I'm more inclined to call it a reward than a gift though - you EARNED this thru very hard work! I'm so sorry to hear that your friend isn't improving though. And that your family seems to be somewhat toxic. IMO shared DNA doesn't make people treat you well. You deserve light and laughter and kindness. My sincere birthday with is that you get boatloads of that from everyone else you encounter today! 
06 Apr 14 by member: Vickie 5966
Just checked your weight history... yolanda, you are AWESOME! 
06 Apr 14 by member: harshso
Well congrats on your weight loss:) Everything you are going through sucks:(. Unfortunaly my poor husband has a similar family but you can never let them get you down. Sorry about your friends prayers sent to you and her family 
06 Apr 14 by member: bonthronm
Well, FS is playing tricks on me - was SURE I commented on your journal. Happy BD again :-) Let the guilt go - it sucks, it's useless, and weighs 5lbs at least. Let's have a month of birthdays where we go where we want and do what WE want to do. Time to catch up on US, huh :-) 
06 Apr 14 by member: FullaBella

     
 

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