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WARNING: RANT VENT -
I was having a good day until about an hour ago. My husband, myself, and our daughter went to the store for weekly items, paper towels, dog food etc.. I have only been drinking water for awhile now and I am out of coffee. We are normally on a tight budget, but we have some extra money this week. So my husband get his Dr. Pepper 24pk instead of generic, another phone card, and a few other things he has been wanting. I pick up some k-cups in various flavors because I need something with taste instead of just water.
When we get to the cashier, after unloading most of the items, I get his disparaging look that I get whenever he is upset with something I have done. I immediately take my coffee out and put it on the empty register near us. He had not seen me put it in the cart. When the total comes up to around $150, I put my coffee back on the register and state " we are still under what we had to spend". Shouldn't have done that....
He starts griping at me right there in front of the cashier and everyone about me getting the coffee. I'm like we had enough money to get it and I really don't want to drink just water forever. (I'm still crying as I write, my apologies). It doesn't stop there. All the way home he continues.. Why did I have to get coffee? He hates coffee. I explain once again about my diet and he knows I have only been drinking water. That I don't understand what the difference is between him buying Dr. Pepper instead of the generic but I can't have coffee that will last me almost 5 months. I also explain that I got stuff for all of us not just the coffee like the paper towels, toilet paper...Wrong thing to say again. That isn't stuff for everyone, it is stuff for the home. It goes on and on until I am crying in the car and feel like shit, like he would rather have me just me drink only water. Like I should just be dead because I am not worth anything. Our daughter is in the back seat while all this is happening and she turns up her music so she can't hear. Finally, he says he is sorry for the look. I stupidly say it wasn't just the look, it was everything after. So he starts again.
We finally get home and he wants to act like nothing happened, everything is okay. After getting groceries put up, he comes over to me to kiss me and I don't kiss back so he pulls me down side ways and kisses me. I just walk back into the house and fix our daughter some lunch. I go into the bathroom and cry for a while. Come back out and he is putting up my door bands for my workouts. His way of making up. But I am still in shambles over this.
I know he doesn't want me to lose weight even though after we talked whenever it comes up he will say I support you. This just is I don't know, but I feel horrible and I can't stop crying about it. So needless to say, I have not weighted today and have not eaten, just drinking my water.
Diet Calendar Entries for 16 August 2018:
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949 kcal
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Fat: 84.27g | Prot: 35.26g | Carb: 10.61g.
Breakfast: Kroger Bottled Water, Egg, Kroger Heavy Whipping Cream. Dinner: Pork Sausage Patty or Link, Sweet Onions, Mushrooms, Baby Spinach, Fried Egg, Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise, Great Value Shredded Mozzarella Cheese, Bell Peppers. more...
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1991 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Resting - 17 hours, Sleeping - 7 hours. more...
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1 to 20 of 59
 Comments
Your husband is abusing you - there is no way to sugarcoat that. You need to get out of there and take care of yourself and your daughter. I know it isn't easy - I had to do it many years ago - but abuse only escalates over time and you don't want it to get worse for you and your daughter. Wish you the best - take care of yourself.
16 Aug 18 by member: nikeit
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I’m so sorry to hear your feelings were so abusively hurt like that. You did not deserve that belittling and embarrassment that caused you so much anguish. Unfortunately some people, and it’s usually the ones you love, can be the first to sabotage your weight loss journey whether intentionally or unintentionally. Stay strong and true to yourself. If he chooses not to support you, find a way to forgive him for his ignorance so you can move past this incident and continue your journey.
16 Aug 18 by member: elsie chag
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I can't imagine why he does not want you to lose weight, but freaking out over coffee is over the top. If he can have something to drink so can you. and don't make the conversation about diet, it is just plain something you enjoy just like he enjoys his dr pepper. what he wants you to drink his soda?? I bet that would make him happy.
16 Aug 18 by member: baskington
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I am sorry. My heart goes out to you. Your post reminds me of a past relationship. I never feel qualified to give advice (my track record sucks) but i will say i don't miss fighting constantly and feeling undermined.
16 Aug 18 by member: jengetfit123
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What nikeit said is true. This is about more than him not wanting you to lose weight. A life partner doesn't treat you like that, ever. Be strong, and take care of yourself. ♥
16 Aug 18 by member: mrsroboto
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This is not about your coffee. Sounds like he is being insecure about the weight loss. If you have the extra for something and he is allowed his "soda" then why the hell can't you get "coffee". Something else is up with him. Take a deep breathe and go make something to eat. Move past this. It's not worth you getting in shambles over and getting sick by feeling like shit for his "stupid" reasoning. Sorry not sorry. Be the bigger person and DO YOU! :) YOU'VE GOT THIS. My sister is on a weight loss journey and this sounds just like her husband. Turns out he thinks when she "gets skinny" she'll leave him. Maybe he should just be a better partner and actually show true support. Good luck honey.
16 Aug 18 by member: EleishiaStewart
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Oy. Sorry to hear! Drink the coffee! I agree with Nikeit - get him to go to counseling or anger management or something. Unless you get to gripe back the same way, he is using his power to control you.
16 Aug 18 by member: abbadabba
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Ditto what Nikeit said. Don't take it.
16 Aug 18 by member: LZenn
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There are many ways to reply to your rant, but first thing is first. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE HIS OR ANYONE ELSE'S PERSONAL VERBAL PUNCHING BAG EVER.
He felt some remorse, but in the privacy of your own home.
Look at it this way, he left a lasting impression of himself in the public view.
As for the coffee/Dr. P -- both or none. If you cannot have your coffee, he cannot have his Dr. P. He'll get over it.
You know what happens to bullies...they meet bigger bullies. His day will come.
Keep pushing on. Ignore the noise.
16 Aug 18 by member: Bad Annie
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I definitely know what you mean about not wanting to drink water forever. Maybe the Dr. Pepper should have been diet and you could have told your husband you would both drink it! I would stop shopping together.
16 Aug 18 by member: Fritzy 22
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That is abusive behavior. He should not have treated you in such a manner. if he had issue with the "coffee " which this was not about, he should have put soda back. Don't get yourself sick over, hard to let go, but glad you vented. We are here for you
16 Aug 18 by member: Ginsin
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16 Aug 18 by member: robadamsjr
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this is YOUR SAFE PLACE! We support you! he is abusive and you recognize it! come here for hugs and love and hang on there. the control is just as bad as being beaten mentally. it only gets worse. please keep up the weight loss, for your child. then, let it go, coffee today, your protein tomorrow. hugs
16 Aug 18 by member: jenjabba
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Wow. Not nice, he should support you more. I’m here for you.
16 Aug 18 by member: sbooher1
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I have been in that kind of relationship before. I'm not going to counsel you to leave but I'm going to encourage you to look at things closely and make sure you can deal with them. will you be able to handle it if he starts acting this way towards something you need for ur child or acting like this when u get slimmer because of other reasons.
16 Aug 18 by member: Ellamac77
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16 Aug 18 by member: Officially39
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shit here I was trying to be diplomatic not saying too much because I didn't want to say what all I really thought but they all hit it on the head. he is probably insecure about you wanting to lose weight and look good. in my case it was always who are u getting pretty for. get urself out of that mess if he wants to act like that.
16 Aug 18 by member: Ellamac77
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A little hard to read as I don't understand his line of reasoning, but we will be your support group. We are here for you. Use us. It takes a change in attitude to lose weight. It really does; hence. why I fail oh so often. I know it is frustrating and hard and you can't make others understand. You have to rely on yourself and use this group often.
16 Aug 18 by member: houndish
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Don’t let him steal your happiness, your health or your dreams. Hugs!
16 Aug 18 by member: cv3567
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16 Aug 18 by member: keilin-4
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