FullaBella's Journal, 03 March 2013

'Do something amazing every day.'

That was on a sign I read at Bed Bath & Beyond last weekend but I am too stubborn to buy & display something that may intimidate me more than inspire me. The pressure to do something amazing everyday is a bit much.

However, I feel like I had several amazing things this weekend related to my food habits.

One was surviving not ONE but TWO separate incidents of a cheeseburger being eaten in the car (not me, the 15 year old 6'2" grandson aka eating machine) and didn't crumble to the desire to 'ahh, just have one... '

The second was - and probably because of the first one - I may have discovered another lifelong partnership of food that I can break now that I actually get the 'this is the part I really like, this is the part I don't' of cheeseburgers.

The third was eating out, and doing it mindfully.

So that's three amazing things in 36 hours so I'm taking a break today, LOL.

Ok - details on the first one. I was reflecting on my healthy eating and being a role model to my gson but wanting to give him information and let him make choices rather than feeling like 'someone else is telling me how to eat.' Oh, Sandi - I owe you one.... but more on that in a second. ((wanna keep you reading, LOL))

So we stopped to fill up the car and although we'd had breakfast and he'd already plowed through half of MY bag of healthy food, he commented 'mmm, chicken & biscuits' posted on the sign in the gas station. I said 'if you're hungry - I'll get you something else - it's too late to expect those should be eaten now - I'm sure it's a morning delivery at best.' So we drove across the street to DairyQueen as we needed to stay on schedule on our trip and he got THE BELT BUSTER ((only my lifelong favorite burger ever as my dancing tastebuds recalled.))

So there I was...driving the car as he ate, my whole car just filled with the intoxicating smell of that burger that I recall being a mouthful of heaven in every bite and he's just chewing and eating and I'm doing my internal Bella talk:

"You're NOT hungry..You've eaten plenty by now..
"It's just the smell of the food making you think you want to eat but that's not a reason to eat...
"You are stronger than the burger... be the burger... no wait, that's not right...
"it will probably not taste nearly as good as you recall now that you don't eat Junk food...
"remember what happened at the Whataburger a month into this...
"you don't want to arrive at the tradeshow sick at your stomach from eating grease...
"you will NOT cave and ask for 'just a bite' from him like some begging dog...
"now just drink your water and knock it off with the stupid reasons to have food, much less junk food, when you're not even hungry."

Yay - I survived. Even avoided the urge to open the windows to get some air in the car - it was only 40 degrees and I didn't want pneumonia either.

The second - regarding food partnerships. Last night on the way home, after he finished off the rest of my 'healthy lunch bag' ((I barely managed to get my share of pickles and celery away from him)) I pulled in really quick to another favorite: BurgerKing. On my list of fav burgers, this would be #2 on my list. I actually heard that 'oh, come on... ' voice start up and gave it the same speech as the day before. I know - this sounds more like the first amazing thing but here it comes.

He ordered the bacon cheeseburger withOUT anything else ((typical kid, really doesn't like the lettuce tomato onions etc)) and you know WHAT??? It did NOT smell good. In fact, I really couldn't smell anything ((from the burger)).

Conclusion?? It's the ONIONS that I smell on a burger ((and that was from the DQ burger the day before)) and that's what sets my tastebuds to watering in memory of a favorite taste! So I thought about it as he chewed. Onions and mustard! YUM (sorry.. it's a southern THANG) I started thinking about the 'bun' ... nope. I thought about the cheese 'ugh... not my fav Sartori, just some cheap slice of cheese, ick...' I thought about the burger and went 'ugh.. no.. greasy meat.. no thank you.' But mustard? Yes. And onions..Yum.

So those days when I start craving the sentiment of 'a good ole burger' ... my mouth, mind, memory is craving onions and mustard. Hmmmm.

I have burger at home - in fact, I had one left over (having grilled it on my Foreman grill earlier this week) and had it last night with Mustard and was so totally satisfied. I did not miss the 'fried on a grill' greasy taste or all that bread or anything. YEAH. The burger gang is no longer a mystifying band of misfits for me!!

Okay - so the third. By the time we got to dinner Friday night every restaurant had a 30 min wait .. ugh! I'm spoiled being my own cheif cook & bottle washer at home, LOL.

I guess NO ONE in that town cooks besides the hired help!! We ended up at the Outback and I went through that menu about 10 times trying to decide what I wanted, what I would enjoy, what would be good for me, what I'd actually eat, and how to put it all together.

It did crack me up to think that they put a little 'leaf' or 'branch' drawing beside some items on their menu with the advertisement 'under 600 calories' as I rarely ever consume that much in one setting anymore. Wow, how far I've come that 600 cals seems like I'd be overdoing it!

And as I've already confessed to liking onions, (but hadn't made that connection w/the burger yet) I found myself trying to talk the Gson into trying the 'bloomin' onion' ((knowing it was ME that wanted it)) but as he didn't want to try it.. sigh.. I passed. So... no easy excuse to blame .. no fall guy for my falling resolve brought on by hunger :-)

So, as I'm probably the only woman in the world now that doesn't carry a fancy Iphone or any other app to search their menu ahead of time for nutrition breakdown and forgot (sorry Deb) to ask the waiter for it ... I decided it was time for FEARLESS EATING (another chapter from that Eat What you Love book)

Now, fearless eating isn't 'bring on the whole pizza, cheesecake and a pitcher of beer, I have no fear' It's eating what I want without chewing my lower lip apart worrying about the calories or feeling deprived.

So I ordered the 'two lobster tails' and while I couldn't figure out how to correlate that in FS I just put a whole lobster for my food diary. It's not like I will have that daily to really worry about it and I can't undo it. If I find myself going to the Outback on a regular basis I'll get more accurate.

And I ordered the asparagus and the sweet potato with butter and honey.

Gson (now, Sandi) - wanted the steak, snowcrab, fried sweet potatoes, dessert. I ALMOST caught myself saying the old thing 'ok, but you better eat everything you order' and stopped. Whew. Let's stop setting this young folk up to be members of the clean plate club, right?

So ... I did say ... 'how about starting w/the 6oz steak with everything else, and if you're still hungry afterward, we'll pick up dessert at the store when we go pick up our food for lunch tomorrow...' He did .. and we did .. and I feel like 1) I didn't encourage him to overeat just to not feel he wasted food and 2) when I delivered him back to his parents last night he hadn't passed out from hunger while in my care so no CPS call today.

Now - he had an extra 'salad' due with his choice and again, he's not a salad eater. Sure, he'll eat my apples, my celery, my peanut butter but not a salad when it comes w/the meal. Kids, huh? So he offered it to me. I had him order the 'blue cheese & pecan' because I really just wanted the cheese. And pecans.

So I picked those parts off the salad but did not fill up on the wilted salad/lettuce just because 'that's the healthy part' (or that dark wonderful smelling bread they bring you at first) because I knew my lobster (the part I wanted) was coming. So was the sweet potato and asparagus.

I enjoyed all of the lobster (( seriously, I'm getting fairly good at eyeballing portions so unless lobster is a lot more 'dense' than I am (LOL) I really think each tail was 3oz at best, so 6oz. Only 1/2 of the potato, and 1/2 the asparagus. Not bragging about how much I left, just noting that I had satisfied my 'hunger' and enjoyed it but didn't feel 'full' or 'guilty' or the need to eat 'all of the asparagus as it was the healthy part' or the need to 'skip the asparagus as I could tell it had been prepared with butter, oil or both or feel as if I'd lost control just because I was somewhere that I couldn't control the portion or myself either one. I felt good about it all around. I ate what I wanted and enjoyed before, during and after.

That's a huge step for me.

Three actually. All in 36 hours. Yay me. (( such a narcissist))

So the eating related other thing I noticed - yesterday... while busy with the trade show ... I did have breakfast at the hotel (not bad, boiled eggs, lite yogurt offered .. hotel 'free' breakfasts are getting better) and grabbed some fruit and peanut butter from the breakfast bar to add to my bag for later.

During the day though .. I'd find myself getting a little jittery and grouchy so I'd get some cheese... a little later got some salmon ...then some celery and peanut butter.. then some pickles.. and the point is .. I WASNT WATCHING A CLOCK. I wasn't eating on a time schedule - I was eating when my body said 'feed me'.

Now, I don't know that I'll be able to continue that so easily now that I'm home and am very aware of feeding schedules because MH has to eat at certain times but I am going to TRY. And because I am 'home' I can continue the same ~ or try. I may have to have a few talks with internal Bella along the lines of 'your body isn't run by a clock... this isn't a zoo (( although it feels like it many times)) and you don't have to eat on a schedule.... so .. grow up and pay attention.'

And in case you're wondering - that's the voice of the good sister :-)

Thanks everyone for tolerating my typical long journal, my crazy journey, and for being my friend.

Bella

PS - sorry - forgot something ... one person at the show (known a while) asked 'what in the heck have you done to lose so much weight..' and I answered 'eating healthy' and she immediately went into her own story. Point? Exactly as I'd imagined from the beginning of this 'time' - people who WANT to know will stick around and listen. Others are just being polite. MY first answer needs to be short to determine if they want to know more. ((haha - you don't get that option in my journals))

and

another person - who saw me a month ago and commented on the loss said this weekend: 'my gosh ... you've lost even MORE! What are you doing??' and when I sat down to talk, he listened. So he got the Full Bella. Well, Bella lite.. I save the journal for Full Bella... but Bella Lite is more than the quickie answer the first person got.

Usually when people ask 'how did you lose the weight' I answer 'Kale... lots and lots of kale...' because if they are interested, they'll ask. If I don't give the answer they want (JCraig, WWatcher, Lapband, MagicPill) they usually aren't interested so it's easier to not spend my energy there. I need it to journal... haha.

Okay, now I'm really gone... for NOW.

You all have a great Sunday!

Bella

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1683 kcal

Fat: 91.54g | Prot: 79.09g | Carb: 144.11g.   Breakfast: Bacon, Sargento 4 Cheese Mexican, Tomato, Egg. Lunch: Sartori , French Onion Soup Campbell's, Potato Oreida, Biscuit Schwans, Beef Ribs Schwan. Dinner: Mustard, Whole wheat bread, Kraft Cheddar, Cheerios Chocolate, Apple, Whole Spicy Pickle. more...

2058 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...