DairyFarmersWife's Journal, 16 May 2018

Ever volunteer for something and then think. Crap. Did I just do that? I volunteered to be a chaperone at little man's kindergarten trip to the zoo. I thought it was one of those things where you just herd the kids in a group. Kinda like herding cows from the field into the pen pack. You flap your arms like an idiot and make random noises and they roll their eyes and then wander in the opposite direction. That should be what a kindergarten trip is like right?? I'm not sure. I was always a single mom and had no choice but work and never managed to do this when the teenager was this age. According to the sheet I got from the school we take them in tiny groups around the zoo. I hope these kids are better behaved than the boys when I take them places. Whenever I take the boys someplace one of them always tries to hide somewhere after they didn't get something or someone said something that hurt their feelings and before we know it someone is lost.... Crap. I hope I don't lose anyone's kid. Crap.. I've never even been to this zoo!! I hope I don't get lost. You watch.. I will be the parent with the group of kids that can't make it back to the bus on time because we took a left instead of a right at the llamas.

All of this dawned on me last night as I was herding chickens back into their coop after they all flew out while I was just trying to fill their water. Now that there isn't 3 foot of snow on the ground that seems to be a thing. They should go back in when it gets dark right? That's what everyone says. When it gets dark or they get scared they go back in. I mentioned this to the dairy farmer when he asked if I was going to catch them and put them back in.... he then gave me that look of are you insane when I told him my plan to come back out when it was dark and just close the door. They aren't cows.... Chickens have enough common sense to find their bed. Right????

Oh and I also wonder if I made a mistake picking the option of driving myself to the zoo. We were given the choice to drive or ride the bus. The teenager said all the Lit parents drive. Which I interpreted as all the baked parents drive and I'm thinking.. well yeah. You can't smoke pot on a bus full of kindergarteners!!! Apparently lit does not mean baked anymore. Now it means Cool. After this 45 minute conversation on getting lit and being baked and what's cool and what's lit with my 14 yr old daughter I was traumatized enough to want to drive myself to the zoo. Plus then I could run errands in the city when it's done. Then I talked to the babysitter and she says she drives because all the clicky moms ride the bus and she's convinced they talk about her. Huh... so now am I the not clicky paranoid mom or the lit mom not baked but lit?? I'm not even sure who the clicky moms are!! I'm the mom that works and is a hot mess and I could care less what you think about me because I don't even know your name. I'm also kinda convinced that I can say screw it because I'm probably never going to see this person again because when I do see them I will have forgotten who they were. Being a mom in a town where the kindergarten class only has 24 kids and one of them is my sister-in-law probably argues with this logic but I'm too tired to care. You're ____'s mom... if you're lucky. You may also be that kid whose kinda short and who smacked his kid on the monkey bars that one time's mom.

I feel like I need a nap now. Volunteering is exhausting and I haven't even done anything yet! I hope I don't get Mackayla. That girl has serious issues and her mom wears a fanny pack. See? Her I remember.. but I still don't care because her kid is a piece of work and she wears a fanny pack. The mom.. not the kid. The mom wears a fanny pack.

Diet Calendar Entries for 16 May 2018:
921 kcal Fat: 80.53g | Prot: 32.12g | Carb: 34.63g.   Breakfast: Keto Coffee. Lunch: Atkins Endulge Chocolate Coconut Bar, Wal-mart Deli Chef's Salad. Snacks/Other: Fiorucci Hard Salami Panino. more...
2646 kcal Activities & Exercise: Fitbit - 24 hours. more...

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If she wears a fanny pack, she's probably clique-y. 
16 May 18 by member: cjodyssey
It's more like herding cats. A fanny pack will actually come in handy. It doesn't flap around as you run after the kids and leaves both hands free for grabbing them by the neck... uhmmm arm. Just be sure to find out ahead of time how many kids you are going to be responsible for, you'll need that many collars and leashes. Just kidding! 
16 May 18 by member: BlueFront
Kids are usually better behaved for other people than they are for their parents. Hopefully they'll be "good". I'm a pre school teacher. I was really nervous on my first field trip. The kids were surprising well behaved. Just keep counting heads and reminding them to stay with the group. At that age you might be able to get them to hold hands and/ stay with their "buddy".  
16 May 18 by member: swankelly
I remember once volunteering to help chaperone on a field trip to Greenfield village when my daughter was in third grade. I got a group of about 5 kids. The teacher gave me a boy who was a but if a discipline problem. I didn't know that until the trip was over. But I remember hollering at him a couple times, and then we got along fine after that. Anytime I saw him after that, he was always pleasant. He was rather active and I wonder if he was a little hyper active. Not bad, but always doing something. Live and learn i guess. These things help build character. 
16 May 18 by member: Fishingwidow
LOL! You'll do fine with those kids. They'll be so excited to be doing something fun and you'll probably hear some funny conversations going on. I'm not a volunteer mom typically either. I did a trip to the pumpkin patch with my kids a couple of times, and was glad to have another mom who was in my group so I didn't have to watch all of the kids on my own. I'm with you to on the "lit" thing too, when did that change??? I'm old I guess.  
16 May 18 by member: mars2kids
My suggestion is to watch the movie Bad Mom's - you should be all set after that.  
16 May 18 by member: tahoebrun
My day seems much better now. Thanks! 
16 May 18 by member: kpwcalories
You could get a bunch of those kid harnesses and pretend you are a dog walker? If you were lit or baked this would help the fantasy. LOL On the serious side, you will do fine! 
16 May 18 by member: ny_shelly
They will assign you specific children to take care of, because schools have discovered that the parents who volunteer without such an assignment end up talking to each other and ignoring all of the kids. If you have 4 to keep track of, you really can't be ignoring them. Good luck! 
16 May 18 by member: abbadabba
I went to the zoo with my son. I was lucky and only had my son and one other student. Bad part was it rained that day and we still walked all over the place. It turned out good though. Good luck!! 
16 May 18 by member: Proudmomma412
To be able volunteer in my son's school you have to attend a volunteer training class first. 
16 May 18 by member: cjodyssey
I'm really frustrated with this app. I type in "yellow onion " and get everything but just a plain yellow onion!! I cook/eat only fresh whole foods. i don't use any prepared foods or quick shortcuts. is there any easier way to find the foods I need to build a recipe or meal? 
16 May 18 by member: GrammieVee
You're hilarious! I used to volunteer all the time when kids were in school. My most memorable field trip was about 20 years ago. Went with 6th or 7th grade class to see a play in Downtown L.A. As we were exiting the bus, a homeless man saw me and started yelling the most vulgar things at me. He looked like he knew me, or so he believed. As he came closer, my son's teacher, Mr. Pando, stepped in front of the angry man and told him to stop. The teacher actually said more, but can't remember what. Anyway, it did scare some of the kids. I was thankful that we had a male with us, because I am not sure the homeless man would have backed off if I or another woman would have told him to stop. I wasn't scared, just surprised and felt sorry for the man, because he was obviously sick. I grew up in and around L.A. and was used to street people. So, I hope you have a wonderful time on the field trip and that you don't come across any mentally ill homeless people with an axe to grind.😉  
16 May 18 by member: Becc@
I don't know. I went to food and then typed yellow onion into the search box and got yellow onions. I'm using my browser and tablet though, not an app. That may make a difference. 
16 May 18 by member: cjodyssey
just did the same thing two weeks ago! kindergarten zoo trip! I was in charge of a small herd and they were good! I was surprised. you'll be just fine :) 
16 May 18 by member: blueowl88


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