DairyFarmersWife's Journal, 02 May 2018

After reading through the comments on my last journal, talking with friends, getting advice from people I believe are wise and are in a place that I want to be I decided to do something. No it wasn't call the life coach that was recommended by the health coach who was given to me by the company wellness plan. Their whole goal is go get us healthy so we don't end up costing the company money. Which I'm not against. I'd like to be healthy. I'd like to manage my stress. I'd love to find a little bit of peace. I'd love to not find pants right in front of the door with the shoes because apparently pants are only for the outdoors? I didn't realize this. My 3 yr old is a wealth of knowledge. He knows EVERYTHING. Seriously.. maybe the thing I should do is follow his lead. Eh.. I don't have the guts to go pantsless. My mother in law would walk in and that would be kinda awkward. I don't know if she will buy the pants rule. Plus I like pants. Going pantsless would require me to shave my legs regularly.

ANYWAYS. Someone said they have been reading my journal for the last 3 years and nothing has changed. And they are absolutely right in a way. I'm actually a little heavier, just as tired, just as overwhelmed, just as unhappy, struggling with the same thing, and thinking that's great advice! Then never following that great advice. Things like.. take time for myself (honestly I don't know what to do for myself anymore), finding ways to be grateful for what I have, going after the things I want (again.. no freaking clue and I don't think not having sticky floors is a goal), taking care of me before I take care of everyone else (I can't pee without someone asking me for something. I'm not sure if they think I'm going to stop in midstream to make them a snack or what.)

So I think it's time I follow all the great advice I have been given. I think it's time I listen to the people who I think are amazing. I think it's time I try to figure out who I am today and who I want to be. I do not want to be the woman in Walmart scream whispering "GET OVER HERE!" while the two boys chase each other up and down the ice cream aisle while I eyeball the ben and jerry's sale tag. I also don't want to be the woman who complains constantly and then never does anything to fix it. That woman is BITTER. Ok.. that woman is me but I don't want to be her. Sighing at strangers and muttering I hate people to myself in public can't be healthy..

So here is the advice:

1. Do something you have always wanted to do. Check.. Signed up for the 5K this morning with a goal of beating last years time.

2. Be thankful, find the things in life that make you happy. Sorta Check.. I created an Instagram account that isn't connected to anyone that I know in real life. This way it will be like here. I can post what I want without worrying about what someone will think or feel. It's all about me and my weirdness and what makes me happy. It will also be a way of easily tracking my progress at the click of an iPhone. The user name is peaceloveandpurpose. The idea is I will find peace, spread love, and live every day with purpose. Because lets face it. The rut I'm in is DEEEP. We've passed manure and moved onto bedrock. If anyone knows how to live with purpose um.. let me know. Or if you have ideas of things I might try. Again.. let me know. Kinda lost here.

3. Love myself. Be kind to myself. Treat me like I would treat others. I think eating right falls into this category. Eating good for me foods. Taking care of me by working out. And well... not treating myself like cow poop. There is a theory that when you treat yourself like manure you give others permission to treat you like manure. Seems like a logical thought process. Plus maybe if I stop beating myself up about eating carbs and realize that yes I had sushi with brown rice that is actually good food too. THEN maybe I won't go to a dark place where I feel guilty I ate carbs and go face first into a chocolate cake making motor boat noises. Again.. lessons from the 3 yr old. ENJOY your food.. even if that means going face first. I think this also means I have to stop looking in the mirror and analyzing my butt versus front butt proportions. The butt is still bigger btw.

In other news.. in case you were wondering. The Nike tie headbands are the hot new teen item. Apparently they are also a heavily shoplifted item. I had to go to Dicks to get soccer and softball gear for the little man and the teen. The teen kept mentioning the headbands. She has this whole argument that the tie one will actually stay on her head unlike well.. every other head band. She does have a nice round head. Proof I never dropped her. Anyways.. The dicks had the headbands. Next to the cashier. With two security tags, one sticky security tag, and they were placed on a locked hanger. All this for a $10 item. This made me laugh. Asking the cashier.. "Ummmmm... Can I purchase one of these? Or are these only for the special people and do we have to call security to witness this transaction?" made her laugh. Now the questions is. Do I give it to the teen or keep this coveted item in some sort of shrine?

Diet Calendar Entry for 02 May 2018:
1297 kcal Fat: 48.70g | Prot: 86.22g | Carb: 125.49g.   Breakfast: Atkins French Vanilla Shake, Coffee, Coffee-Mate French Vanilla Liquid Coffee Creamer, Green Giant Seasoned Steamers Brussels Sprouts. Lunch: California Rolls, Southern Tsunami Sushi Bar Spicy Tuna Roll, Blackberries (Alaska Native). Dinner: Ground Beef (80% Lean / 20% Fat, Patty, Cooked, Broiled) . Snacks/Other: thinkThin Protein Cakes Red Velvet. more...

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Sounds like the teen should have to have some kind of special pass to check it out of the Shrine, and of course it must be returned within the allotted time. (lol) Keep us posted. 
02 May 18 by member: jeannieselby
I'm glad you're back and finding what will make you happy. I've started working out for a half hour to an hour at least a few days a week and that is my me time, no one bothers me and it really helps my stress level. My kids are older though, so there's no danger of them coming in and bugging me or hanging on me. I get the snarky comments about dinner being late, but oh well, I need the me time to decompress. You have some great advice there and it sounds like you're taking steps to make things happen. You are a smart woman and you'll figure out what works for you.  
02 May 18 by member: mars2kids
Well you are quite the writer. I love reading your posts. I know you are serious but the humor you sprinkle in there along with a healthy dose of sarcasm is awesome. Anyway, good start and good job on making an honest effort to make some changes for yourself. As you know, starting is way easier than maintaining. You will have to figure out a way to check in with all of the things you are doing or a week will go by and you will think "now what was I grateful for again??"  
02 May 18 by member: ny_shelly
Great advice. Another one: Don't be afraid to ask for help. You will not get help magically, and you don't have to do or decide everything for yourself. Even if it is getting on line for a weekly menu so you don't have to figure out what to feed your family Every. Single. Day. while you eat healthy, or getting an online exercise plan to burn 200 or 300 calories a day. I know it is sometimes hard to ask those close to us to help us, but I figured out in my life that those people I can't turn to are not really my friends and that is why I was afraid to turn to them. Hang in there! 
02 May 18 by member: abbadabba
Great advise that everyone can follow. I look forward to your posts because they're funny yet serious. Now I just need to figure out what I'm grateful for! 
02 May 18 by member: mickfan1
Love this post!! I would love to follow you on instagram if you dont mind! My username is KlynnStowell. Drop me a follow, I will follow back!! =0)  
02 May 18 by member: Klynn82
I too have enjoyed your posts. I am 70 years old and survived those kid and family years much scarred but intact and very much wiser. I wish there was truly a way that we could shake people up and say I’ve been there done that— listen to me. But it doesn’t work that way for the most part. We are very much products of how we were raised, what we have incorporated into our lives just to get through another day. You seem to have taken a great first step. I would just make one recommendation. Learn to say no. Begin, by actions, to show the hubs and kids that you are beginning to put yourself at the front of the line and not last in line of people who need to be cared for. 
02 May 18 by member: Kenna Morton
You made me laugh, I think we are all hard on ourselves. Everyone looks up to us to help them, but where does that leave us when we need help? My family just expects me to always be the superwoman they think I am but if they could open me up and see what's inside they would see I too need a pick me up every once in awhile, a helping hand every now and then. My husband doesn't understand why I don't go to bed the same time he does, but it's the quite time I yearn for to have a house peaceful and quite while I have a glass of wine and take time for myself. I hope you can follow your own advice and find some happiness in this life you have created for you and your family. My Mom always said don't sweat the small stuff and I am beginning to agree with her. Can't wait to read other posts you crack me up! 
02 May 18 by member: rubytaylor
Love, love, love this post 🧡 I used to be your FS buddy a good while ago when I was poppycom So glad to see you have a plan and are working things out.. You certainly are a talented writer and I wholeheartedly wish you every success in your journey to better health 😁 
02 May 18 by member: gaelicgal
Signing up for the 5k is a great (re)start. As Abbadabba says, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Even if it’s a recipe online or ideas for exercise. Take care! 
02 May 18 by member: Phooka
You are a talented writer and clearly smart. It's us smarties who seem to rationalize everything BUT doing the work lol. No shade meant-- I'm right there with you and trying to work through my own mucky muck. Good luck to us all.  
02 May 18 by member: natileem
I used to say,”I thought it would be fun to have children”. What was i 🤔 thinking? Thanks for sharing your journal. Sending 🕊and 💐 
02 May 18 by member: Sarah1950
You could check out Girls Gone Strong and see if it appeals to you. They are all about building your muscles and eating enough to support that in order to get healthy instead of trying to do more cardio and eat less and then hitting a plateau and doing MORE cardio and eating LESS, over and over and over until you destroy your body.  
02 May 18 by member: ammittai
Very funny and a good read. My journey is a little different (newly retired) but I too feel a little lost in which road to take into the next chapter of my life. I have a four month old and a four year old (grandkids) that helps me paint your picture with crayons that disregards the lines. Blessings to you as you as you feel your way through the jungle of humanity to find that spot where the light not only warms you, but allows you to see in a new way.  
02 May 18 by member: glen
My kids are grown now with kids of their own. I do miss most of the good times I had with my kids. There were times that weren't so great lol. Like them wanting things I couldn't give , fighting and screaming in the stores, being a general brat, etc. Having GKs gives a person a new perspective and you can hand them back :) And you aren't as stressed over thinking others are thinking you are a terrible parent. Just enjoy good times while they are young! 
02 May 18 by member: kattay
You always make me laugh. I really enjoy your posts! Have you ever heard of Trim Healthy Mama? I have started looking into it. You mentioned carbs which made me think of it.  
02 May 18 by member: picksixmom
I think we all kind find something within your entry that we relate to. It is difficult to "take care of yourself first" when you have little children. Looks like you have a reasonable plan in place for yourself. Just remember...your three year old didn't walk the first day and you will not accomplish all that you want in the first day or week. Patience, something that I myself lack, will be your friend. 
02 May 18 by member: 1 of 9
I always love reading your posts. You seem able to nail the problems but still searching for answers. I wish I had them but I am struggling along like everyone else. I really don't think there are solutions for everything, but rather some methods to try on a trial and error basis. Thanks for your great posts. 
02 May 18 by member: Sally Forest
I always love reading your posts. You seem able to nail the problems but still searching for answers. I wish I had them but I am struggling along like everyone else. I really don't think there are solutions for everything, but rather some methods to try on a trial and error basis. Thanks for your great posts. 
02 May 18 by member: Sally Forest
I always love your posts! I can relate to a lot of what you said in this...for me I think I must have in some weird way enjoyed being miserable because I never made the changes--until recently--and I am worried every day that I'll go back to where I was. It's easy to be lazy, wallow in self pity and blame it on everyone else! haha It takes effort to change and I am a seriously lazy person at times. Ill be cheering you one every step and hoping you and I can figure this out and make permanent changes for good! 
02 May 18 by member: momma6224


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