Ms Elizabeth's Journal, 25 September 2014

I've got it! I have the diet of all diets. The lifestyle of all lifestyles. The ultimate of weight loss plans. All you have to do is have multiple children under the age of 3. Squirt screams when the cart stops moving in the store. This creates cardio.. and limits impulse shopping in the cookie aisle. Because well.. you're attempting to get everything you need as quickly as you can and you forget at least 1 thing in each aisle because um.. you're shopping and you only slept 3-5 hours the night before creating memory lapses and you can't stop to think or drool over cookies because he will scream like a howler monkey. An adorably cute howler monkey but I'm his mother and I think he's priceless the other shoppers glaring at me don't seem to share my adorable howler monkey thoughts. They're probably bitter people anyways that's why they're staring aimlessly at packages of cookies.

The toddler? He's all cardio and weight lifting. Because he's jealous and keeps insisting he's the baby. You try lifting up a 30 lb toddler on one hip and an infant in the crook of your other arm. It requires strength.. and balance.. and patience of steel!! But they're a cute little squirt and monster. And Monster has declared Squirt is his. Poor squirt.. He better be as sturdy as his bother or he's in serious trouble. The other thing is Monster is a fast lil bugger! Hense.. cardio. As I run after him.. screaming "Stop that!!" While he laughs.. like a monster.

Only drawbacks is I spent 4 hours running around getting everything we needed for the weekend and I got zero candy! Zero cookies.. Zero caffine?!!?!?! This is going to be one very interesting weekend. I will be the woman passed out on the kitchen floor.. drooling into the empty coffee cup. Crap.