puhpine's Journal, 10 August 2014

question

Today me and my hubbie where sitting on the couch. and i asked him, are you happy dear. He said he was, but that he wanted a little more stability in his income (standard male answer, i guess)

But he took me completely by surpise with his question for me. He asked me, if i am not tired/done (in dutch we have one expression for these two words) yet with the fighting.

It is true that the last few weeks i lost my groove a little, and i struggled a little less, i thought it was due to the stupid vacation disturbing my ritme... But maybe he is right, maybe i am done fighting.

A person cannot fight forever? Can he? Should he? But what the fuck happens when i stop fighting, it is really frightning how fast i gain when i eat 2000 calories in one day, even if i cycle for 3 hours straight!!! If i can gain 5 kilo in a week, does that mean i can gain it all back in 6? And if that is so, and that is not acceptable, does that mean i am doomed to fight for the rest of my life, just to stay overweight like i am today?? because i may have lost 30 kilo, does not mean im thin, i still have 20 kilo to go before you can call me that! people that don't know me still refer to me as the "fat lady".

Why is it so hard for me still after two years? Why do i still call this a struggle, and need support in changing my lifestyle? if it was a habit it should have set by now?




Diet Calendar Entries for 10 August 2014:
1724 kcal Fat: 36.86g | Prot: 83.80g | Carb: 287.40g.   Breakfast: Zonnatura Notenmix Reep, Tomatoes, Coffee, Nature Made Calcium, Peijnenburg Ontbijtkoek Minder Suiker (40g), Herbalife Multivitamine Complex. Lunch: Bananas, Optimel Magere Kwark Vanille-Perzik. Dinner: Vinaigrette Dressing, Bread Crumbs, Chicken Breast, Tomatoes, Lettuce, Rhubarb Unsweetened (Cooked or Canned), Great Value Cinnamon Apple Sauce, Watermelon. Snacks/Other: Chocolate Cake (with Chocolate Frosting). more...
3507 kcal Activities & Exercise: Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 1 hour and 45 minutes, Resting - 12 hours and 55 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Dance (fast step, aerobic) - 20 minutes, Boxing - 1 hour. more...

24 Supporters    Support   

1 to 20 of 27
Comments 
Dear Maud, you have to answer these questions. I support you in all that you do! Take care, Deb 
09 Aug 14 by member: Deb_N
Every person is different. A lot of people I know have to stay very active constantly to keep weight from creeping up, plus watch their food intake. Of course, they don't work on it as hard as I do because I am so over weight. But it is a struggle for most people, whether they admit it or not. Maybe, it might be time for you to "cycle down" so you might not feel so over stressed. Stress will sabotage any goal you set. Good luck and take care of yourself! 
09 Aug 14 by member: kattay
I saw that you rode your bike for 4 hours today. That burns a lot of calories, but how much stress is it putting on your body? Stress causes weight gain! If you eat less, then you could exercise less.  
09 Aug 14 by member: Deb_N
When do you have time to write your book? Do you want to be a wife, mother, and writer or an athlete? I think your husband is concerned about you. ♥  
09 Aug 14 by member: Deb_N
Sorry you are feeling in a slump. Unfortunately for some bodies it will always be a struggle. I remember telling you about my 1200 calories to maintain a weight of 167. In my books, that weight was certainly not acceptable at 35, now at 53 I would give anything to be there. I have tracked before there were apps, as soon as I stop I go right back up. I hate where my weight is (was 18lbs less last year at one point working going down) but I started eating more than 1500 and it got me to where I am at. Don't mean to talk about me, but just saying that for some of us it is not easy (and certainly doesn't get easier when we get older. Everything slows down even more. It is nice that your hub is concerned about you.  
09 Aug 14 by member: Ginsin
I have been called fat for the last 30 years and I know what you are saying but unlike you I have a long way to go until I am even close to my goal because the food is still winning. All I can tell you is maybe you need a break, give your mind and body a week off and let yourself relax from the pressure you are putting on it. Sounds like your hubby loves you no matter what, fat or skinny so now its time for you to love yourself also which is hard for us "food addicts" to do 
09 Aug 14 by member: BrenIL1
Sounds like you have a good husband. Maybe Deb has the answer or part of it.  
09 Aug 14 by member: wholefoodnut
I thought maybe I shouldn't have said what I did, but it seems to me that she is seriously tired from the constant movement. Maud, you know I love you. If you don't like what I wrote, please delete it.  
09 Aug 14 by member: Deb_N
We are here for you. Your body may be trying to tell you bring it down a notch. Change up your routine. Skating jump roping a dance class.  
09 Aug 14 by member: deaby16
What ever you decide you will be supported no matter what. I think you are tired...Take some time and find your heart and then listen.. You will have your answers you need. Any decision you make you have to know you are pretty amazing lady Right?? 
09 Aug 14 by member: Rains120
thank you all for the heart warming comments. @deb_n you know my profile, i can handle any opinion! i won't delete, because wether i agree or not. by listening to the opinions of others you get a reflection of yourself like a mirror. I'm not saying that reflection is the truth, but it is the fibes you seem to send out and you get closer to your own opinion, closer to the truth. 
10 Aug 14 by member: puhpine
Thank you, Maud. ❤ 
10 Aug 14 by member: Deb_N
30 kg ..wow that's quite a big no and you are worrying..I am not able not lose single kg ..losing 30 kg wouldl be like dream come true. 
10 Aug 14 by member: whois_johngalt
Maud, my dear, when I look at your "88 kilos" picture and see that you're now somewhere at 83......... On your 88 kilo picture you look absolutely fabulous and have quite a stunning figure. So really, those people referring to you as the fat woman, need a (hard) reset! They have a "5 year ago image" in their heads. Which is quite good, for they won't see any lines in your face, but heck, they still see all your extra kilos. I see a very beautiful woman in your pictures. And yes, it's a struggle, it has been a struggle and it will continu to be a struggle. But I agree with everyone here who has told you that stress will add weight. Either way. So maybe you can grant yourself a pause. Not so much an "all you can eat and as less as you can move"-pause, as well as a "weight loss pause". Just do enough to maintain your current weight. That might just take some steam of the kettle for a bit. And yes, sounds like your husband loves you no matter what. You're blessed! Every single kilo of you!!!!  
10 Aug 14 by member: sachakay
I have found out that one eventually begin to hate anything called a "struggle" or "challenge" as motivation may not bring immediate results and thins out. Therefore, one should find ways to turn any challenge into fun, and stop/change whenever it starts feeling like a chore instead of something enjoyable. 
10 Aug 14 by member: AilaOne
I'm beginning more and more as a proof to myself that I can choose what I want to. I want to keep it off and I'm willing to 'work' for it, not 'fight' for it. I watch what I eat, and outside of the occasional hike (at this time of year) I 'exercise' a grand total of 3 hours a week. Why? I believe in the law of diminishing returns. If I do 6 hours instead, I have to up my calories to keep it in balance. The extra time working out would be a noticable strain strain on time I have for other things. Going from 3 hours of formal exercise a week to 6 would do very little for me. Body needs the recovery time. I love your honesty, Maud. 
10 Aug 14 by member: northernmusician
Fighting? With him or fighting weight? If it's the latter, you are not fighting anything. You are trying to become healthy. Fighting is a negative thing. What you are doing is absolutely a positive thing. 
10 Aug 14 by member: eddie1261
I also think that "fighting" makes it into a process that is adversarial. It would be fun to try the following: Write a letter to yourself (it can be short) about the "fight" you are having. Be as detailed or as brief as you want. It might be really good to let it all out, your worries, fears, self-self talk about body image, life, relationships. Then write a second letter to yourself about "Puphine's beautiful process of becoming healthy and happy". What it takes and why it's worth the effort, what you want to gain, what you will enjoy after you lose the next 2 kilos and the next 5 kilos, why it is important and satisfying to work on your goals. Let us know what you notice after you write both letters.  
10 Aug 14 by member: wh3500
The other piece that I wonder about is how much sleep you are getting. . . . that woudl be a great feature for the app to track.  
10 Aug 14 by member: wh3500
I doubt if at your weight anyone is referring to you as the 'fat lady' - is that happening out loud or in your head? I think many of us.. once the 'whoosh' of the huge weight loss is over start getting confused with a 'now what' and 'I am tired'. Can you take a break, watch your intake, and just maintain for a while without 'giving up'? Maybe that next 5lbs or 20lbs or whatever it is you want to lose can be a daily agenda in a few months? 
10 Aug 14 by member: FullaBella

     
 

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