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Good morning everyone. It's Thursday, right? Always so much to do that it all runs together. I have a package I need to mail out. My cousin in SC had a baby and I got few people in the family to buy her gifts so that I could mail them down for her. A nice little surprise for her, I just didn't expect to be so broke. Must get them mailed out before the baby turns into a toddler lol.
Phone calls to make today, the stressful kind that regard them wanting money and me not having any. Ugh, it's relentless. You would think I'd be used to that by now lol.
I don't know what changed my brother's mind, but somewhere between 10-12 yesterday he decided that he was going to stay in recovery for a while longer. Grateful for this decision, although I know the journey is his and I need to work on me regardless of what he does. Of course, right on cue now my mom has gone bonkers. Tequila shots and rants about losing all the men in her life on the same day. Ugh, I can't carry everyone! Can't blame the woman for losing her grip... wait, yes I can. If I can hold it together she should too, right? Maybe I'm judging her too harshly. IDK, all I know is that most days I want to run far far away... and never return.
I killed it at the gym yesterday. I ran... well I tried to. Every time I got going my pants fell down. Quite a sight! I thought about charging for the show. I resigned myself to sprints, while I held my pants up with one hand. I also did strength training, than an additional 25 minutes on the precor with high resistance. Felt good to beat the crap out of myself. Stayed on point with my intake goals too, so that was another solid victory.
I bought a new pair of yoga pants yesterday, as they were desperately needed. I got 12-14, blew my mind. They are tight, but they're supposed to be. Can't wait to run without worry lol.
Trying to learn how to take a compliment. The other day my cousin said "wow, you're looking really good". I replied, Ughhhhhhh. Then I stopped, and I thanked her. I am not my mother and I will not disregard every compliment that comes my way. (I have to remember that lol) It's harder when I'm feeling down because I'm already beating myself up, my own worst enemy sometimes. Aren't we all? I once read something that said "The toughest critic you will ever face is the one staring back at you in the mirror". No need to look over your shoulder, it's you. I hope that's true, because I would be devastated if someone thought the things I think sometimes.
A little worried about the weigh in tomorrow, isn't that why I stopped weighing in? lol How ironic. I realize that I don't have to, and I might just skip it until I feel like it. Why not, this is my story and I can do it however I like, right? We all know what curiosity did to the cat. Stupid kitty. I'm sure it's not as bad as I think, nothing usually is.
Okay, sorry that this journal has been all over the place, as is my mind lately lol. Hope everyone is having a great week thus far. Only a couple days left, lets kill it!
Make it great! <3
Diet Calendar Entry for 29 May 2014:
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1158 kcal
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Fat: 41.33g | Prot: 108.66g | Carb: 93.48g.
Breakfast: Egg, Bertolli Olive Oil, Great Value Whole Wheat Bread, Coffee-Mate Original Powder Creamer. Lunch: Kraft Sweet & Spicy Chipotle Barbecue Sauce, La Tortilla Factory Smart & Delicious Low Carb High Fiber Original Tortillas, EAS AdvantEDGE Carb Control Shake - Rich Dark Chocolate, Yoplait Greek 100 Yogurt - Strawberry, Eating Right Boneless Skinless Chicken Thighs. Dinner: Kroger Roasted Redskin Potatoes, Cooked Asparagus (from Fresh), Pork Chops (Top Loin, Boneless, Lean Only). more...
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 Comments
The drooping shorts/joggers I can relate to. I just had to change from my comfy ones I was wearing while working at home to another pair that wouldn't fall off me when I walked to the shop! It actually feels good :)
I'm sure you'll do well with your weigh-in. Not so sure about me but I'm feeling better which is more important than a number!
Have a great end of week and into the weekend!
29 May 14 by member: Phooka
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This journal sounds like you are on an up-swing. That's good to hear. I, too, am a little worried about the weigh in tomorrow, but I can't thank you enough for the challenge you set up. It's given me a whole new perspective on how I view my fit journey. It forced me to use other tools in which to gauge my progress that I really do think I'll give up the scale for a while. Thanks again.
29 May 14 by member: mgrill
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Just remember, whatever the scale shows it cannot take away that you are now a smaller size with clothes falling off of you! You've done fantastic particularly in light of the family stress. I have trouble accepting compliments too. Always makes me feel as if the whomever is complimenting is just being nice. You're right. We are our own worst enemy.
29 May 14 by member: 2ManyCurves
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(((((((((Yolanda))))))))))
29 May 14 by member: ClassicRocker
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29 May 14 by member: Rockiesfan
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So what am I gonna do w/all these dollar bills if there's no flash show? Yes, learn to take a compliment so you'll get more. And eventually you'll get enough of them to shout out those ugly voices in your head... that's what I am working on doing with mine. And yes, SKIP the weigh in. You're doing fabulous, you know it because of the pants-gate and if you weigh in heavier because you've converted fat to muscle it'll crush your spirit. Be well, be nice to yourself. Be in charge.
29 May 14 by member: FullaBella
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Yolanda, I was not around to accept your challenge but I wanted to tell you that I think it was a fantastic idea. At some point, we will all have lost the weight and will need to learn to live real lives without stressing and focusing on food, scale, exercise etc. We will all be "normal" and will have to learn to live with the habits we have developed and recognize when we have overindulged and need to lighten up. These should be easy to see but for most of us, it is not. We just keep on overindulging until we get back to the point that we have to 'diet' again. it is the weight rollercoaster. Your challenge was a great one because it helps us learn to recognize the signs without the scale. We 'practice' being in maintenance mode. Even with all the stress and drama, you reamin an inspiration :) Feel good about yourself my friend. Accept those compliments because you deserve them. Maybe you can lern to accept them easier if you start you day by giving yourself a compliment. You know you are looking good. You know you are a strong woman... Start complimenting yourself and you will learn to recognize the difference between someone just trying to say something nice and someone who really means it.
29 May 14 by member: alexzwk
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Sounds like you're doing better, that is great. Congrats on the smaller size clothes, and running without worry is a good thing....glad you have a sense of humor through everything. I'm sorry for the difficulties you're having with your brother and how that effects everyone in the family. Just keep in mind your brother is the master of his destiny, and you aren't responsible for what he does or how anyone else in the family reacts or handles the situation, or how they handle the problems and issues in their lives. So give support as best you can but don't take on their issues or problems. We each have enough problems ourselves without taking on ownership of other people's problems. Best wishes to you, hope your day is good.
29 May 14 by member: jmb3450
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Girl you can always make me laugh and put a smile on my face when I read your journals. I have to say, in my opinion I think that it is time to take care of YOU !!! It is great that you care so much about your brother and mother, but it is taking a bad toll on you (from what I have been reading). I believe you need to make you happy. Okay, I will stop now, sorry. You are doing Awesome and I am very proud of you. :)
29 May 14 by member: SherrieC
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You've had so much stress lately, no wonder you feel all over the place. Your mom probably knows you'll keep it together, so she doesn't have to, she can call you when she loses it because you are strong. Not everyone has your strength so be proud that you have that asset. Sounds like you kicked butt at the gym, so much that your pants couldn't take it! Soon enough those 12-14 pants will be falling off too. You're just one hot mama!! If you don't weigh tomorrow it's not the end of the world. Like you said this is your story, so if you feel better waiting until you're back to a normal routine, then wait. I'm that curious kitty, so I'm weighing tomorrow. :) I'm just promising myself that if I stayed the same or even gained a little I'm not going to be mad, because I know the good and bad things I've been doing these past 6 weeks. We'll all be here cheering you on no matter what you decide. :)
29 May 14 by member: mars2kids
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Wow! Pants falling off - awesome possum! I think you can give your mom a break, everyone deals with things in strange and different ways. Strong Yolanda keeps on keepin' on and being strong - but your mom may have been overdue for a freakout. Be there if she needs it, and obviously get help if she gets too out of line, but it sounds like she will get past the tequila phase on her own. I too, have trepidations about tomorrow's weigh in. But you are so right, if you don't feel like it, don't step on the scale. No one here would slight you for it. The challenge was such an awesome learning experience and maybe that is what you have learned! Before the challenge, I usually did weigh only when the mood struck me (more in the first few weeks of weight loss and it wouldn't BUDGE) but I also let it define my mood for the next few hours or days and if it stayed the same of went up it always gave me that 'this isn't working, might as well pig out on the couch' feeling. So getting away from it has been good. I used to slough off complements or even DENY them (i.e. 'You're pretty' Me- 'No, I'm not') Someone once told me this was rude. I am afraid of looking too full of myself, but lately when I get a complement I look the person straight in the eye with a genuine smile and say 'thank you!' Then I (subtly) try to make sure and complement them on something as well. Sounds like you are in good spirits! I am so glad!
29 May 14 by member: megmonster
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So you are the reason the gym memberships are increasing. Too funny, keep doing good for yourself and if the burdens get to be too big or too much let someone else step up for a change. Even Wonder Woman can take a few mental health days. You deserve it!
29 May 14 by member: ChicaLean
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