FullaBella's Journal, 26 April 2013

Friday - gah - it's 57 & cloudy here. Will someone turn the freaking sun UP! My neck has been hurting really bad for three days and now I have a headache, my right arm is aching, and my fingers are tingling. I have a massage scheduled for this afternoon. I think it's a pinched nerve that my own subtle manipulation, soaking in the tub, stretching and anti-inflammatory drugs isn't helping. It's been interrupting my sleep and is even a little hard to chew. Yeah, a lot of pressure for the therapist to make a difference.

So I wonder if I'd be the first backyard on the block in history to get a duckblind? Mind you, I live in the city surrounded by brick buildings. I've just been watching the most beautiful birds show up at the feeders and while I do manage to get a decent snapshot of them now and then a few of the bigger and more colorful birds continue to elude me when I have the nikon in hand. Even when I sit frozen at the patio table waiting for them. Last night I caught myself holding my breath. Like that would help. I feel like Elmer Fudd hunting Wabbits.

I'm feeling weird. Maybe it's the pain but I didn't want to eat yesterday; never felt hungry. With my blood sugar issues it isn't wise to go all day without eating but although I did I never felt the 'shaky' effects as I have in the past. I wonder if it's possible for blood sugar to actually correct itself? I finally had some broth but couldn't eat the veggies; fixed some fruit & yogurt but quit after a couple of bites.

This morning - no change. I started arguing with myself.

"Don't force me to eat when I'm not hungry."
'Look, you know you need some food, knock it off.'

So I went into the kitchen to make my breakfast and at that precise second my husband asked if I would make him blueberry waffles.

"Now? Or in an hour when you normally eat?"
"Now - I'm really wanting some and I'm hungry."

Hmm.. is this a sign? Test? Was the universe asking me to decide if I was really hungry or decide if this was a sign to not make myself eat when I am not hungry.

It's amazing how BIG I make the little things in life isn't it?? Just like the Go-Kart racing thing with my grandson. I've promised him we'd go race when I lose 100lbs but I wanted to balance our weights a little closer. I felt like a live version of that slimquick commercial where the woman loses 2lbs and the guy drops 20lbs or whatever it is; he LOST 5lbs after eating Nana's cookies. So now, as he volunteered that last night (no, I'm not making him step on a scale) I have to wonder if he really doesn't want to race at all. Surely he isn't taunting me with his loss, hmmm? Gah, I have too much time on my mind.

Nonetheless, I made and served the blueberry waffles with peanut butter and syrup as requested. Stomach never did kick in and growl; mouth didn't water. But I pulled out spinach, bacon, etc., to make my breakfast anyway and cooked it but only got about 1/4 of the way through it and set it down.

If your reading and thinking 'uh, this is a good thing..' well, it could be. I've never given this much attention to only eating when hungry in the past.

What I have given attention to is bad habits; traps; derails and failures. I've ALWAYS lost weight very easily when I've focused on it. Seriously, how many people here can claim they've lost 100+ pounds 4 TIMES. But here I am doing it again because I always regain it because I lost it the wrong way the first time. So everything I'm doing here is a 180 spin from the way I've done it in the past.

So 'not eating' - not new to me. If losing weight by not eating were the Indy500 I'd be Dale Earnhart (or some other really famous race car driver).

But if I'm not eating simply because I'm listening to my body, ok, good. I have to remember when I do get hungry again (as it should happen .. maybe when the pain stops... ) that I have healthy choices around and eat mindfully in the right portions. I'm trying to be confident this is a good thing, the right thing, not an old subconscious 'more faster faster' thing.

That's the problem with living this long. I think we should get mandatory lobotomies at 50 so we get a fresh new start without the history of our mistakes weighing us down. Knowledge and experience should be lighter.

Thank you for reading ~ have a wonderful day.

Duck Blind Bella

Diet Calendar Entries for 26 April 2013:
878 kcal Fat: 43.28g | Prot: 65.17g | Carb: 62.36g.   Breakfast: Egg, Bacon, Onions, Baby Spinach, Sweet Red Peppers. Dinner: Schwan's Marinated Salmon with Grill Flavor, Spinach. Snacks/Other: Schwan's Golden Fruit Blend, Cottage Cheese, Maranatha Dark Chocolate Almond Spread. more...
1944 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...


Oh Bella, I am sorry you are in pain. Perhaps that is masking your hunger, you are in too much pain to care? And yes blood sugar can correct itself, with time, or rather get better if not completely cure. As you lose weight, you may need less meds. So keep an eye on that. Hope the massage does the trick but its asking a lot from a massage to fix all that ails you today. I like the idea of the duck blind, I can picture you squatting in the dark with your Nikon poised :) Hope the sun shines on you today Bella, if you close your eyes perhaps you can feel the the warmth of my smile to you and that may warm your heart. Hugs hun, feel better. 
26 Apr 13 by member: sarahsmum
Pain can most definitely affect your appetite. I'm sure your appetite will return to normal once you take care of it. And yes, I concur with sarahsmum that you can reverse diabetes with weight loss and lifestyle changes. Before I lost this 80 lbs, I was pre-diabetic (having had gestational diabetes when pregnant with my daughter was a red flag that I ignored), had elevated cholesterol levels (not quite high enough to start meds), and had high blood pressure (which I did take medication for). After losing the weight, everything is completely normal and I am no longer taking any medication. Good job listening to your body. Not eating for one day won't kill you - a lot of people practice intermittent fasting on purpose. But I'm also quite certain that your pain could be masking your hunger so it wouldn't be a terrible thing to eat a small portion of something nutritious "just because".  
26 Apr 13 by member: evelyn64
I hate that you are in so much pain. Yuck! Sending you healing vibes and hope the massage works. I had a deep tissue massage recently and it was painful but I'm hoping it will do the trick. I think you need to go on a regular basis for it to really make a difference. So what is this appetite thing going on with you? I noticed on my court day Wednesday when I was so uptight that I wasn't hungry but you aren't uptight right now are you? I have a difficult time with knowing when I'm really hungry. I do know that I can skip meals a lot easier now that I'm AWARE of the fact that you don't HAVE to have 3 meals a day to survive. 
26 Apr 13 by member: Neptunebch
I hope you feel better soon! Good job listening to your body. If we listened to ourselves more often I think we could avoid alot things we probably shouldn't be doing. Like eating cake. If I argued with myself a little more I probably would have avoided it. :) Before you know it you'll be laping your grandson in the go kart while he eats your dust. 
26 Apr 13 by member: DairyFarmersWife
Angel, I'm so sorry you are in such pain & hope the massage helped! I, too, wonder if thats the cause of your lack of appetite. But, I think you are doing the right thing. I am a total believer now in mindful eating, although I do still limit my options & watch calorie counts. When you need food, your body will tell you. Take care of yourself -- you take such good care of so many... DH, other family members, so many of us here on FS -- just don't forget to take good care of you too! Don't make me come over there & nurse you back to health... actually, I truly wish I could! xoxox  
26 Apr 13 by member: Ruhu
Thanks everyone - massage was mediocre so I took some more pain pills. I ate dinner although not 'hungry' I got shaky. Going to go take a hot shower now. 
26 Apr 13 by member: FullaBella
So sorry your in such pain..hope you feel better soon..Hugs...:O) 
26 Apr 13 by member: BHA
TGIF Bella Dahlink! So very sorry to hear that you're hurting - gentle, healing hugs are headed your way :))) Wondering if your "lack of appetite" might be your bodies way of reserving energy while it focuses on healing your neck? You know, keeping your engine fueled just enough to get you thru the day but not at your usual multi-taking fast paced rate. ;) (As an aside, be especially mindful of taking pain meds without something in your stomach) Mind you, I'm not a medical professional (nor do I play one on TV ;)~ but my favorite prescription for nagging body aches is a glass of wine, some yummy perfumed scented candles/incense and a tub full of sparkly bubbles...Calgon take me away hee hee Take good care of yourself Sisterfriend! :))) 
26 Apr 13 by member: Yeux Lumineux
I hope you feel better soon and are able to get some rest. Tension is all I need to get my muscles to ache and put my nerves on end. Too bad I eat when I am stressed - I have yet to experience the "no thanks, I am not hungry" version of stress. Regardless, I hope you have a relaxing weekend and get the opportunity to do something for you. 
26 Apr 13 by member: RiverRes
I think massage should be part of a healthy diet. Soothing touch is so important. I'm glad you aren't playing mind games with yourself about not feeling hungry. Hoping for a peaceful loving day for you.  
27 Apr 13 by member: sharonfriz
Anti inflammatories are very hard on your stomach, try to eat something with them. Maybe it is time to get your neck checked out and see if there is something else you or your doctor can do to make it better. A friend of mine had on and off neck pain for a few years and then one year it came and never left. Now she is going through various therapies to relieve the pain and so far none of them have been very successful, she left it to long.  
27 Apr 13 by member: fatoldlady


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