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I read this the other day on that little TV screen at the bank drive thru. 'When a person is dying, hearing is the last of the five senses to fail. First sight, followed by taste, smell, then touch.'
Superficial reactions to that commentary included, 'have we grown so unable to sit & reflect in silence anymore that we must have something to watch even at the bank drive through?' followed, 'seriously, you guys should monitor your feed a little better. You keep reminding me of my mortality and I'm going to withdraw all of my money and run off to Machu Picchu or something. No point hanging around here until I go deaf.'
But as I work to walk in tune with the subtle signs from Angels and Karma I decided for that very message to flash as I was sitting there may be worthy of a deeper reflection. The universe was asking me to stop and think.
The book (I have yet to finish) on mindful eating offers 'just think, if you'd stop this cycle of eat, repent, repeat and having to repeatedly lose the weight you've regained, just think of all that you could accomplish.'
As this is my fifth major go around for this square dance, well, don't I feel like the slacker?
Maybe, but I feel that's a bit of a stretch. Some of us are born to greatness. Some of us have it thrust upon us. And some of us are just regular schmoes going about our lives and trying to find our way. I was raised hearing the theory 'idle hands are the devil's workshop' so you give me too much free time and I'd likely be a criminal mastermind. Or politician. Wait... LOL.
I did drive away to explore two other ideas though. First being 'apparently I'm not dying yet as my hearing seems to be the first to go by the end of the day.'
I know what that's about. After devoting so much time to shutting out the negative world around me I am deaf by the time the sun goes down. You try to get in front of me after 6pm and I may see your mouth moving but all I hear is a test pattern. As I told my step daughter last night 'send me an email or come visit with me earlier in the day. I just can't focus on the audio this late in the day.'
The second idea was perhaps attaining good health will eventually help me garner my sixth sense. If it does, how exactly will I use that elusive mystical gift of special powers?
The sixth sense. I think we all have it. One of the most influential books I ever read was 'Blink' by Malcomb Gladwell. It is considered the guide to 2-second thinking and teaches the reader to stop arguing with their gut instinct. Examples in the book explain that our body & brain is far more capable when we just get out of the way. I read that book over ten years ago and it served me well in business as I stopped trying to 'outsmart' my instincts.
I joined FS in October just as we were heading into Halloween and read journal after journal bemoaning all the holiday meals and celebratory job gatherings and how you may as well consider yourself out of the Will if you pass on Nana's Annual Dessertapalousa Bash.
It would seem at the time when 'we' are trying to get our way of eating under control someone is 'out to get us'. So apparently the 'dieter' has a sixth sense of 'conspiracy theory'.
Yes, I know it's a 'way of life' not a diet. Yes, I live and die on the sword of semantics so I get it. But, I hate to break this to you ~ so consider this my spoiler alert ~ while eating unhealthy sure get's a lot of bad press for contributing to the mortality rate, the healthier path still leads in the same direction. The quality of one's life may improve by choosing the latter but I think it's important to assess and inventory now and then. A little quality assurance.
But back to our conspirators. Eventually I realized my reaction was born of my own paranoia.
'They' (the cake baking pizza tossing tequila serving grill masters) are just doing what they do and have always done. Our modern society anchors our celebrations with food and drink. Maybe we're just celebrating that we have food and drink. I don't know. I didn't start it. I came in after the movie started.
As recent as last week I found myself speculating about my friend ~ the one I dine with on occassion. Suddenly the Queen of the Tiny Portion ala Carte and eventual Doggie Bag is eating every single bite on her plate and some of mine. She's now ordering appetizers and entrees and desserts, oh my. Not just once but the past three to four dinings. This after years of watching her nibble tiny little portions while I plowed through enough food for three people.
My sixth sense told me she was trying to make me eat more. Or possibly she was trying to show me how I looked back then. Or maybe she was trying to trip me up. Or maybe she was hungry but not eating mindfully. I'd reached a point where I was barely eating my own meal as I honed in on her every bite and cultivated my conspiracy theory.
Then I laughed. Outloud. I didn't share my theory with her. I quickly faked a 'oh, I was just thinking about that time..' explanation. I'm able to multitask like that.
I realized I need to settle down and stop suspecting everyone. The very wide berth I give in business and relationships needed to exist with food related matters as well. I'm the one who changed, not them. Just as when I quit drinking and smoking I could not insist my friends do the same. I cannot control anyone. Heck, if I'm struggling to control myself I have no business meddling in anyone elses life.
Just as I journaled about 'no crap in means no crap, even attitudes' ~ same thing. Just because I'm trying to achieve a serene calm life in all things including food and fun doesn't mean everyone else is going to adjust around me. This one is on me. Screaming 'I'm going to have a happy day if I have to kill someone' is .. well.. go ahead and say it .. nuts!
So maybe I'll try to focus my sixth sense on telekinesis. Maybe once I'm finished losing this weight yet again I'll be completely evolved with eating mindfully to the point I'll be able to soak in the tub while my sixth sense cleans the toilet or read a book while it treadmills for me. That would certainly be a better use of my talents, wouldn't it?
As always, my friends, thank you for reading. Lights out ~ chatter away if you please :-)
Bella
Diet Calendar Entries for 10 April 2013:
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1123 kcal
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Fat: 53.79g | Prot: 86.54g | Carb: 88.32g.
Breakfast: Spectrum Chia Seeds, Bacon, Onions, Gouda Cheese, Banana Pepper, Baby Spinach. Lunch: Onions, Bacon, Tomatoes, StarKist Foods Solid White Albacore Tuna in Water. Dinner: Sartori Merlot Bellavitano Cheese, Banana Pepper, Tomatoes, Bell Peppers, Onions, Bacon, Baby Spinach. Snacks/Other: Fuji Apples, Spectrum Organic Ground Flaxseed, Spectrum Chia Seeds, Cabot Lowfat 2% Greek-Style Yogurt - Plain. more...
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 Comments
Ya, I'm certain, too, that our bodies know what we need better than we do ourselves. But I guess we are trained from a very young age to ignore our instincts when it comes to food. "You can't have dessert unless you clean your plate." "If you don't eat the liver for supper, you'll be eating it for breakfast." "Just one little piece won't hurt." "Think of the starving Biafrans." We've all been there, I'm sure. So how exactly do we get in touch with our instincts again? They can't just up and leave - they must be in there somewhere, hiding behind our neurosis. I hope someone figures out how. Heck, maybe it will be one of us! Stranger things have happened. I like the telekinesis idea. Oh, wouldn't that come in handy?!!
10 Apr 13 by member: evelyn64
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I love it - I'm totally in the Conspiracy Theory Club.... They ARE all out to trip me up! Have a good one, Bella.
10 Apr 13 by member: Sweet Ce
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I always enjoy reading what goes through that mind of yours! Take it easy girl! 😎
10 Apr 13 by member: Josie Ann
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There always seems to be an obstacle in our way...we just have to be strong and keep thinking of the big picture and our future health..Thanks for writing this..it helps to know we are not alone...:O)
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Definitely a conspiracy theorist here. Zen is hard to achieve my friend.
10 Apr 13 by member: sharonfriz
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I'm SO thankful that you are in my buddy list, Bella. I wouldn't miss your journals for anything. First of all, you make me laugh. Second of all, you make me think. You may have noticed that I, too, am a "thinker". I get in the way of my gut feeling constantly - just read my latest journals, and consider whether I overthink things. LOL.
11 Apr 13 by member: kingkeld
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Oh Bella, I didn't get back on yesterday to read this and how I wish I had but in karma speak maybe I was meant to read it today? I can so relate to all of it, and of course as always you made me smile, and laugh. I just love your thoughts, your style of writing, everything. And I too believe that our bodies have a wisdom about them, or rather our essence, our soul, the "----" that inhabits our body before "----" goes back to Source, it knows what this vessel needs to be healthy and if we would get out of its way, or if the Ego would get out of the way, we would know how to treat this vessel perfectly. But, I have been so out of touch with my body, and so into my brain and Ego, for so much of my life, that I don't hear my body anymore. I've started meditating again, for the last few nights, in an attempt to connect with whatever is in me that wants to talk to me - see, I'm crazy too - hoping that I can connect with my body and be more aware of it. I bathe it, feed it, moisturize it, all the stuff I think it needs but I am not connected to it, it doesn't 'talk' to me. I am hoping that you of all people will understand this. Most peeps would think I was nuts. I don't have much intuition anymore, I am in my head too much. Trying hard to get out of my head but can't find the door - lol. Sorry for the long comment, I feel you and I could definitely spend a lot of time discussing stuff. Can't wait to see today's journal.
11 Apr 13 by member: sarahsmum
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@Evelyn - it occurred to me the other day the bowls I bought a few months into this will hold 'just enough' for me to eat in a meal, but definitely not if I try to pile them UP to overflow. Instinctively my body was saying 'this is a good feeder bowl'. @Ce - it does feel that way. And I'm sure there are some who ARE trying to sabatoge us because they need company. I just have to stop suspecting everyone. I don't get out enough to make enemies of all the folks I know. @Josie - thank you. @Bren - one day at a time. Small steps toward the bigger goal - conquering this eating issue forever. @Sharon - Zen is hard to achieve - it eludes me the more I chase it. Maybe I"ll sit & wait for it to come to me? @Keld - yes, you are definitely a thinker too. I'm glad you read and I get to read your journals. @Isabel - I think some of it is us; the rest is listening to the advice of snakeoil sellers. As Evelyn opened - we are trained, most of the time wrong, from an early age. Sometimes I think we'd have faired better if we'd been raised by wolves. At least, that's how I feel about 'me'. Thank you all so much for visiting and commenting.
15 Apr 13 by member: FullaBella
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