HCB's Journal, 19 August 2012

A little bit of a rough day emotionally - but the thought of eating to manage my feelings didn't even cross my mind! Isn't that great?

I love, respect and value my DH, but today I wanted to strangle him! This is a vent session!

We are busy cleaning, rearranging, and preparing for our friends' visit starting Tuesday night. We made a pact - I do kitchen, dining and living room, and the entire lower level where they will be staying. HE AGREED to do both bathrooms; one a full bath and one a tiny half bath.

So, he "did it" but they were still dirty! He swished the toilet but there was still a ring; didn't wipe out sinks, and swished over the floors - barely. Now, my husband is an intelligent man and I fully believe he knows how to clean when he wants!

SO, I tried to calmy say,"Thanks for doing the bathrooms, but I am wondering if you could go back and clean the sinks, the floors a little more thoroughly, empty the trash cans, etc."

Of course, he blamed me for being too "picky" (Trust me, they barely were done!) and just complaining! This is when I became angry! I had to leave the house and do some errands because I was so frustrated.

Then, he will hold a grudge all day and refuse to talk to me. Meanwhile, I am doing three loads of laundry (All the bedding and towels for visitors), washing dining room/kitchen floors, polishing all the furniture, and will have to dust and vacuum tomorrow night after I get home from work at 7:30PM!

To his credit, he did do his "regular" chores - mowing the lawn, and putting out the trash and recycling.

I would not be so angry if he could just acknowledge he did a half-ass job. And, he likely knows I will go back and clean-up after his "cleaning" and it pisses me off! I am tired, too. And, I work extra long hours the next three days before we leave for vacation on Friday.

Today I am grateful for:

- My FS Buddies who support and encourage me to continue
- Choosing not to eat when I felt so many emotions
- My DH - who is my greatest "cheerleader"
- My Bengal cat companions named Bodhi and Ravi
- My work - which has meaning and worth to other human beings
- My connection to the Mother Earth and all its splendor
- My physical health

Diet Calendar Entries for 19 August 2012:
1092 kcal Fat: 33.04g | Prot: 95.89g | Carb: 104.08g.   Breakfast: coffee, milk, water, olive oil, Egg White, Eggland's Best large egg, mushrooms, Baby Bel Light. Lunch: water, skim milk, Body fortress superadvanced whey protein powder. Dinner: sweet potato, asparagus, boneless skiness chicken thigh, Famous Dave's Sweet and Sassy BBQ Sauce, water. Snacks/Other: nectarine, Trader Joe's svelte, water. more...
3192 kcal Activities & Exercise: Housework - 4 hours, Shopping - 15 minutes, Driving - 40 minutes, Desk Work - 5 hours, Sitting - 5 hours, Sleeping - 9 hours, Resting - 5 minutes. more...
on diet HCB's own diet  


Ugh - frustrating!!!!! I've had that kind of argument with my guy too - why bother to go through the motions of 'cleaning' something if you're just going to do a piss-poor job of it?! Dumb. And they just don't understand why we want things to be *really* clean when guests are coming over! Whether it has merit or not, it always seems to reflect more poorly on the female in the relationship when the house isn't tidy.. Glad you were able to avoid the angry eating... :) 
19 Aug 12 by member: erika2633
There are days that I want to strangle mine too :) Good job on not wanting to eat during your frustration. Sounds like you got a lot of exercise and thanks to hubby you will have more. Hopefully you can find time somewhere to sneak in a nap. :) 
19 Aug 12 by member: kimjinxie
I consider myself extremely fortunate to have a husband who contributes to the household chores without being asked and when he does them, he does a good job. Admittedly, I do the majority of the chores because he works and I don't, but I know that most men do not do what he does and for that, I am grateful. That being said, I am wondering who your guests are that are arriving on Tuesday. Are they people more important to you or your husband? Could his careless attitude toward the cleaning be a silent commentary on how he feels about the impending visit? I'm not trying to stir the pot. It's just that sometimes how we react has nothing to do with the situation at hand but is a result of some other upset or resentment. Truth be told, if it was me in your situation, I would let the bathrooms be and make sure he is aware you have full intention of letting the company know who was in charge of that job. I would clean it up after the guests had seen his shameful job but I wouldn't clean it up beforehand to cover for him. I'm vindictive that way! Must be my Taurus blood ;) Anyway, great job not letting the upset get you in an emotional eating fiasco. That's awesome! 
19 Aug 12 by member: evelyn64
Heh, It's my wife who doesn't seem to care much about quality of work performed. Her motivation is just to check off the items as fast as possible. OTOH, my motivation is to do the job correctly. Funny thing is, I generally accept my DW's ways, yet she gets all out of sorts because I don't meet her expectations. Gotta love relationships!! 
19 Aug 12 by member: cerobit
Sounds like you were good about expressing what you wanted, too bad he couldn't acknowledge what you needed from him, and step up. Vacations do have added stress when you look at all the work preparing to leave, and then the pile of work that awaits you when you get back. Deep breath. You took care of yourself by getting out of the house. You will forget this argument eventually. In the scheme of things, it is not life or death, just very annoying. Perhaps, at another time and place you can talk to him about how it makes you feel when he does this. He probably won't listen effectively right now. Good on you for not even thinking about eating in response! Victory lap! 
19 Aug 12 by member: yduj57
I get a lot more freaked out about cleaning if it is the judging types or in-laws visiting. And I agree the house reflects more on me than on DH, even though that isn't fair. So you made a bad deal (you didn't say HOW he had to clean), but you know for next time. In the moment I confess I would Pitch a fit and then play the martyr and do it over. But far removed from the situation, I feel like it isn't important, I would just go and do it over and then toss some other chore his way while carving enough time for a pedicure (no debate). I don't think that is too passive aggressive, and I know it would remove any angst I had about the do over. But this is me. You, my dear, are already a winner for taking a breather and not feeding your feelings. Hugs!!!! 
19 Aug 12 by member: Heidijoy
Yes, I did well because I chose to not feed any feelings - and I don't yell or pout or anything; but I will calmly speak my mind and then continue on that topic for a while which annoys him! I REALIZE this is not life or death and my friends are not judgmental at all. We both work full-time and we both create the mess - typically he does not have to do "regular" housework although he takes care of quite a lot outside the house and the animals. I tell him I am grateful he does all those things. THIS was a special circumstance in which I needed extra help with "regular" chores. 
19 Aug 12 by member: HCB
I am grateful today I live in a country with cheap labor. Our housemaid costs about 100 a month, and she comes 3-4 days a week to do all that stuff. I dont do a good job cleaning, but I will admit it, lol. And yes, I dont get the big deal when guests are coming over, unless it is a really nasty house. lol.  
19 Aug 12 by member: posterchild66
Sorry you had a frustrating day! Sometimes I really think guys just don't get it! I hope you have a great day tomorrow!!! 
20 Aug 12 by member: skwhite
I do quip that housekeeping is cheaper than marriage counseling ... And DH and I both work FT as well. Our regular 2x/month housekeeper flaked out this spring so I have been limping along with the help of a neighbor girl. This might be a nice break for you! 
20 Aug 12 by member: Heidijoy
Yes - we will find someone to come in every 2 -3 weeks to do floors, bathrooms, dust, etc. I hate doing it, he hates doing it, and when we need deep cleaning, this type of situation typically occurs. I think I have made some progress because the last time we had this happen was around January and I remember overeating when I was frustrated! 
20 Aug 12 by member: HCB
Ah husbands!! But you managed all your emotions in a healthy and mentally strong way! That alone should give you a huge sence of accomplishment. Not to mention all that housework must have been equivalent to an intense workout. Try and have a good day....  
20 Aug 12 by member: pam-u-la
I repeat what I said to Buffy...men do not clean properly in the hope we do not ask them to do it again.....perhaps you should try and do the whole household laundry, except his, and then call him picky when he complains....lol! 
20 Aug 12 by member: triaby
See my journal of Saturday - lots of this going around!  
20 Aug 12 by member: BuffyBear
This does seem to be a common problem, perhaps you could go on strike and do nothing. It might give him an idea of all the things you do, but it could also backfire as he seems to have a higher tolerance for mess and dirt.  
20 Aug 12 by member: fatoldlady
LOL - he does the dishwasher most every day because he feeds the animals and their bowls are in the dishwasher so to him that means he does all the kitchen! Yes, he does have ahigher tolerance for the scum - and I am not super neat! So between the two of us, there is potential for quite the mess - which is why the deeper cleaning is such a pain in the rear! We always let it go too long! 
20 Aug 12 by member: HCB
Look how far you've come... food is no longer an emotional Band-Aid! The most rewarding and most frustrating parts of our lives are from the same person, aren't they? It may not help, but you're not alone. I too had my patience tested this week. Seemed logical to paint the wall BEFORE the TV arrived, but... Hang in there and try to focus on his good points and how much fun you'll have on the upcoming trip. 
20 Aug 12 by member: jenkie5


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