Start Weight:(20 Jul 13) 172.0 lb
Current Weight:(05 May 15) 170.0 lb
Goal Weight:140.0 lb
following: Calorie Count
performance: gaining 0.6 lb a week

I'm happily married for going on 8 years, Mom to two sweet little girls (ages 5 & 0), and a former foster kid. I aged out of the system, but was a ward of the state of Maryland from age 15 to 21. I have a history of clinical depression and psychiatric hospitalizations. That's a large part of why I spent the majority of my adolescence in foster care.

My mom suffers from a debilitating mental illness that has triggered for me many body image/ psychological issues. My mom's condition is untreated schizophrenia that was initially diagnosed when I was 14. Food has often been a faulty coping mechanism. I don't think I've ever weighed over 200lbs; however, I don't yet have a healthy relationship with food, I'm not as healthy as I can be, and I've mostly been dissatisfied with my weight. Since my high school freshman year, I've weighed no less than 130lb, averaging 150lb or more for the majority of my late teen/adult life. For my frame and height, an ideal weight/ body composition would be around 130lb/ 17% body fat. That is my ultimate fitness goal.

My youth was troubled; however, I see my life now as full of promise and hope. My faith is a central part of that perspective change and an integral part of who I am now. I've been a believer for almost 8 years now. I know G-d has not only redeemed my painful childhood, but given me a unique opportunity to encourage others through my testimony. Furthermore, G-d has abundantly blessed me with the family I now have.

At one time I was in so much pain, without hope, and was seriously planning to kill myself on what would have been my 22nd birthday because I saw no end to the misery in sight. G-d radically changed my life that year in ways I could not even have imagined. Now I am looking forward to turning 30. I am motivated to gain a new level of health that I've never had before, and I enjoy my life.

(Ephesians 3:14-21) :)

FatSecret member since: 10 Jun 10

MrsTofu's Weight History

MrsTofu's Latest Member Challenges

  come & weigh...come what may!
status: Completed
ended: 12 Dec 11
view progress
  200 Sit-Ups
status: Completed
ended: 07 Nov 11
view progress

MrsTofu's Buddies

Online now Yolanda9179
on diet I Work out!
last weighin: gaining 2.6 lb a week Up
Online now northernmusician
last weighin: gaining 0.6 lb a week Up
Online now wholefoodnut
last weighin: steady Steady
last weighin: losing 1.6 lb a week Down

MrsTofu's Cookbook

cals: 341kcal | fat: 15.62g | carbs: 22.88g | prot: 28.20g
This chili dish is sure to be a family favorite.
cals: 169kcal | fat: 5.77g | carbs: 0.82g | prot: 26.68g
Parmesan Crusted Chicken Tenders
Sensational low carb chicken dish.
cals: 132kcal | fat: 5.50g | carbs: 19.35g | prot: 2.13g
Strawberry Cream Cheese Cupcakes
Berries and cream cheese provide the wow in simply delicious cupcakes.
cals: 90kcal | fat: 2.20g | carbs: 17.29g | prot: 3.33g
French Ratatouille
An incredibly hearty low-calorie vegetable stew that's great alone, on whole wheat pasta or folded into an omelet.
cals: 294kcal | fat: 19.17g | carbs: 29.93g | prot: 5.24g
No Flour Chocolate Cake
A gluten free and very chocolatey, decadent cake.
view complete cookbook

MrsTofu's Latest Posts

Ahhh help!
Just to chime in, I agree with NCNicole and Gnat about several things- that trying to lose weight doesn't seem to be in your best interest because based on the stats you gave you are underweight and not consuming enough calories for healthy development. Likewise, your weight is not the primary issue; your mental health seems to be equally out of balance. (That can have severe physical consequences on your body if left untreated...anxiety and depression can cause or aggravate a whole host of illnesses/maladies.)

Something that stands out from your original post OP is that you stated you don't live at home. I was your age roughly when I went into foster care. I don't know if that is the kind of situation you are in, but substantial life changes like that will increase stress levels and should be dealt with in a healthful manner. Is part of your fixation on calories possibly a maladaptive coping strategy to avoid facing whatever caused you to leave your previous home?

Lastly, though not least, I believe that part of what maunikmtl said is true: You are created in G-d's image... therefore you are not an accident, and while things aren't perfect, some things may be deliberately left broken by design to effect a greater good in your life. If you feel low and are trying to work on self esteem, you won't find a satisfying end in other people, or various forms of self hypnosis/ CBT/ training yourself to speak better self talk. The source for more security about your value comes from knowing better the One who made you and has a purpose for you.

(Please forgive me if I come off sounding like a know it all. I am not an expert, though I've have numerous opportunities to test hundreds of lightbulb designs that don't work. (<--Edison metaphor) So if you are willing to hear me, perhaps you can try learning from my mistakes instead of following the same ones/ gaining that experience yourself.)
posted 05 Jul 2014, 02:11
Why would you eat nuts?
kenni_z wrote:
...And once again, I'M NOT UNHEALTHY. I'm in perfect health. HOWEVER, I am not at the weight I want to be. The weight I'm at now is fine, health-wise. Allow me to reiterate: I'm healthy and at a healthy weight. I just don't look the way I want to look...

I've been trying to follow the argument or question you've been raising. Going back to the original question of why include nuts in a low cal diet when they are calorically dense? I think the answer is generally that people find that a small amount offers many benefits and in conjunction with other food choices can be more satisfying than other low calorie foods alone.

When you said previously that health was not a concern that was a somewhat alarming statement to me. I think you have clarified your intended meaning more and are expressing that your objective is more aesthetics based. (It's good to be honest about what you want and that isn't a bad motivation necessarily if you follow a plan that is healthful to accomplish that goal.) Therefore, my question to you is have you looked into weight training? From what I understand, if your diet -i.e, food intake- is already balanced and you are trying to change your body composition to lose weight and inches, weight training is an effective way to do that. Plus you don't necessarily need equipment for some exercises like squats and lunges.
posted 12 Jun 2014, 15:03
CSA challenge: Celery
I hate it raw on its own since the texture/ stringiness is really off putting for me (I love cream cheese and peanut butter, but even then it's hard for me to eat it unless I am practically using the celery as a means to eat the other stuff almost straight, which I try to avoid doing usually because I know that's counterproductive for weight management). However, chopped finely and mixed with some kind of salad (tuna, chicken, potato, etc.) or sauteed it doesn't bother me at all. Granted I don't think I'm really getting the benefits from it when I'm using it as an ingredient in pot pie or stuffing. Razz At that point I think it's more about adding flavor to braises or stews than nutrition. Maybe adding it to a stir fry would serve your purposes better?
posted 19 Mar 2014, 07:32
Truth be told
posted 14 Mar 2014, 07:31
Unkind remarks
meskinnyagain wrote:
My weight journey has not been easy, and when I happened to mention to what I considered a "friend" that I feel as if I had lost weight because my clothes feel looser, her remark was "Your just not putting your pants in the dryer anymore" and then she laughed. I played it off but the whole time I was thinking, how rude and unkind. People and their thoughtless remarks...unbelievable!!

What you say is true...people can be really cruel and thoughtless.

HOWEVER, in your position I would suggest first asking her what she meant by her statement. She may be jealous and may not have been trying to be nice, though perhaps she didn't realize how deeply she hurt you and done more damage than intended.

She may not deserve it, but I think it's worthwhile for your sake to offer her the benefit of the doubt. (I remember saying some really dumb, messed up things without thinking that really offended people I cared about.)

It can suck that once something is said, you can't really take it back. But, if you aren't being completely self serving (you as in the general you, not specific to OP or anyone here per se), it can be valuable to both parties to have the opportunity to atone and reconcile.

If she still is out to be toxic, then shake off the dust of your sandals and move on. Don't try to repay her with contempt and other unkindness. That is the tactic of small people- people who stand to have very unfulfilling, miserable lives because they've chosen to forsake opportunities to grow as individuals, so their compassion and awareness doesn't extend much beyond themselves. They probably don't even like themselves because they know what they choose isn't good, but are unwilling to put forth the effort to have what would be good. Whether she is willing to acknowledge your progress, the more important thing is that you see it. Congrats on what you've done so far! Smile
posted 12 Mar 2014, 18:02
view all MrsTofu's posts

Other Related Links


Calorie Count

MrsTofu's journal

05 May 2015

Not as much as I thought I had gained, but still an increase. :-/
on diet Calorie Count  gaining 0.6 lb a week

27 March 2015

The day after my drop my compulsive eating was terrible, so I know not to be surprised if I see another weight gain next time I weigh in. However, today ...
on diet Calorie Count  

MrsTofu's Recent Food & Exercise

MrsTofu's Groups

Goal by Birthday
Announce your Birthday and set a Goal that you really want to reach by that date.

Romans 12:1-2 Be Transformed and Renew Your Mind
This group was created based on the &quot;Be Transformed&quot; challenge. Romans 12:1-2

In His Image
Cleaning up our temples of God and looking to Him for help in overcoming our damaging lifestyles.

20's with 25-50 lbs to Lose
20 somethings with 25-50 pounds to lose.

P90Xers motivating eachother
For people who have started the P90 or P90X program (or maybe you are considering it)

MrsTofu's Recent Activity

MrsTofu's Own Activity

MrsTofu commented on their Journal Entry.
MrsTofu recorded a Journal Entry and a Weigh In at 170.0 lb.

MrsTofu's Buddies

northernmusician commented on their Journal Entry.
Yolanda9179 supported madanjen's Journal Entry.
gingin40 updated their Food Diary.
wholefoodnut commented on BuffyBear's Journal Entry.

Other Member Diet Recent Activity

firefly3013 recorded a Weigh In at 147.6 lb.
disrlg supported Jonathan Walsh's Journal Entry.
pavosingular recorded a Weigh In at 170.6 lb.
jmbweb recorded a Weigh In at 144.8 lb.
notelaine supported Emerald17's Journal Entry.
Frantic Fran recorded a Weigh In at 132.7 lb.
majaem1 updated their Food Diary.
izzypup68 commented on Judyrose1997's Journal Entry.