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26 July 2014

Yippee! Doing better. Being on my home turf really helps. Also, the busywork of chores and other household management tasks helps to distract me from foolish choices sometimes. :) Idleness, I've found,is fodder for ALL KINDS of bad habits. I'm glad I am getting more active and being more productive. Ultimate goal, here I come! :-D!!!

Edit: I just realized today would've been my parents 33rd anniversary if they were still married. :( I am glad that my dad found a nice woman who is kind and takes care of him. He's faced a lot of hardship and personal loss, I am glad he has someone now he can be happy and have fun with.

It's probably going to take time to come to terms with my mom's illness and choices, the way a lot of what she did tore my family apart. It hit home the other day when my [older]daughter was telling me that she knew my mother didn't love me. I tried to clarify for her that I can't tell that because only G-d knows her heart, but yeah she often failed to show me that she loved me so I've generally never trusted her claim when she'd tell me, "I love you, Jacquie!" It's sobering trying to explain to my daughter what I went through as a child in a simple, humble way. She doesn't really understand, but I am glad of that because she doesn't have the experience to do so better. I'd rather she never really have to or come to know that, but it is uplifting to see and hear the compassion she has towards me for the pain I went through.
Weigh-in: 144.0 lb lost so far: 28.0 lb still to go: 4.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (4 comments) on diet Calorie Count   gaining 0.2 lb a week

21 July 2014

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21 July 2014

Weigh-in: 148.0 lb lost so far: 24.0 lb still to go: 8.0 lb Diet followed poorly
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18 July 2014

Yay for vanity sizing?! I was at an Old Navy the other day and wound up getting some new shorts and a tee shirt. The semi exciting thing is that when I went to try on bottoms, the size 8s were too big. I ended up getting 2 pairs of shorts that were size 6. I don't remember ever being size 6 before as an adult. This feels gratifying, but also somewhat frustrating because size 6 doesn't exactly mean something; clothing- particularly women's clothing it seems- is not standardized. I have shorts that fit that are size 8 and 10,and now also size 6. I don't know if I am deluding myself that I'd be content with my size, whatever it was at the time, if manufacturers standardized their fitting so that a 12- or whatever- would be the same across the various designers/ clothes makers.

I got to go on vacation recently with my family, and while on vacation I got to contrast pics of myself now with those from the last similar vacation 2 years ago. I look a lot better now!! :) Last time I went on vacation I was around 170-175, and currently I am about 25-30lb lighter (lol...that's about the same as an old CRT monitor...I did warehouse detail many years ago repackaging computers and accessories as a summer job so that's where I get that connection from).

I still see much room for improvement- both in habits and results; I have an hour glass waist with a pear shaped body. I have had more trouble with emotional and compulsive eating while on vacation, so I am wary of developing more of a kangaroo type pounch. Though to see significant improvement from previous years is very satisfying. I just want to make sure that this doesn't turn into a dysfunctional cycle of gains and losses.
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09 July 2014

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