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21 February 2017

This was a weigh in at the doctor's office, fully clothed except for shoes. I went because I've been having some health issue- likely due to hormonal imbalance issues 😒😔😮😫. Life is mostly a net positive. Relationships with my family have improved a lot. I'm still employed with the office I started working for MLK day 2016 (so in the past 3 years I've doubled my work history and vastly increased my skills--especially Spanish fluency.)

Currently I'm facing two challenging situations. One is work related. I have a really bad relationship with a supervisor (largely- I think- because of communication and expectation issues between us). I feel that she wants me to fail, but also that she's upset with me when I make mistakes; however, she often will not help me or talk to me about things I've been confused about, so I feel stuck. I accept that she doesn't like me as a person. I want to have a functional work relationship where I can approach her, explain things the way I'm understanding them to help her recognize that I am working to grow and address errors that I've made frequently, and clarify expectations so that she and I both know where we stand and what our respective boundaries are. I know I'm not the fastest at the job; however, I also know that I am an asset there too. I don't feel that she recognizes that, and because she is my direct supervisor and she doesn't like me as a person, that contributes to work being more stressful. 😞

The other stressful situation is the health issue. Something I was told was that I MAY have a hormonal issue that COULD make me more prone to endometrial cancer. Reason dictates that there is no reason to get upset. This is an information gathering period where my doctor is investigating my health to rule out various causes. Certain causes, when left untreated, have a higher correlation with cancer, but there is no reason to suspect that I have that now or will get it later. However, my mind starts catastrophizing things because I don't know what's going on, and that's confusing and frustrating. In some sick, demented way, freaking out gives me an immediate focus and agenda instead of feeling lost and uncertain. I know this is stupid, I need to be patient and sober (since energy devoted to panic and morbid fantasies doesn't profit me anything anyways). It's a challenge. I don't like to wait and I don't like not knowing what's going on or what's going to happen next; however, for now that's where I am. I don't know. That makes me more emotional, which is then harder to deal with. However, by the grace of God, I'm not facing anything that is too big for Him. So I'll be OK, I may just have periodic spaz times where I am emotionally tantrumming. I'm glad God knows how to handle me when I'm like that. And that He has given me several, wonderfully loving and supportive friends and family members to help me keep an even keel when my thoughts and feelings are trying to hijack me and take me for a joyride.
Weigh-in: 150.0 lb lost so far: 22.0 lb still to go: 20.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (4 comments) on diet Calorie Count   losing 0.2 lb a week

29 December 2016

Weigh-in: 151.4 lb lost so far: 20.6 lb still to go: 21.4 lb Diet followed poorly
   (1 comment) on diet Calorie Count   gaining 0.5 lb a week

16 June 2016

At the doctor's office yesterday the scale said I weighed 139.6 with clothes and shoes on, so the nurse suggested that I am actually about 2-3lbs less. I was relieved when I stepped on the scale because I don't have one at home, and while my clothes feel a little loose and I actually bought smaller clothes (I can wear a size small now in some cases. :) ), my eating hasn't been great. Therefore I didn't have a good sense for what my weight was. However, it turned out I was really close in my estimation. (I was afraid the scale would say 150+, but I thought it was going to read about 140. The fact that I was only off by 0.4lb makes me feel a little impressed with myself.)

I was just looking back over my weight history. It's kind of wild seeing the change over the span of a year. Even though I'm only about 10lbs less now than I was in 2014, around this same time in 2015 I was weighing 164. So at least by those three markers I have gained 18 pounds and lost 27lb. So my weight has been varying significantly within a 40ish lb range over the last 2-3 years. Granted, I've been under almost the greatest and most prolonged period of stress in my life these past 2-3 years (ESPECIALLY the last 18months), I need to try and maintain better control over my weight so that I don't put too much physical trauma on my body from this pendulum swing pattern I have going on currently.
Weigh-in: 137.0 lb lost so far: 35.0 lb still to go: 7.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (1 comment) on diet Calorie Count   losing 0.1 lb a week

21 April 2016

My post work out weigh in from 3 weeks ago was 137, and today my weigh in before work out was 138.5 (I'm knocking the 1/2 pound off since my clothes and shoes probably more than account for that); therefore, a pound change in three weeks seems acceptable.

I think I'm stronger than I was three weeks ago. Last time when I did my work out I tried to jump up to grab handles on a pull up bar. I think the bar was at a height of 7' and I'm about 5'4-5'5". I could grasp the bar but not hold on. After several attempts another gym patron brought a step stool over to help me reach the bar.

However this time I could jump up and hold on to the handles. I can't really pull myself up further yet, but I let myself hang until my hands slip off. Maybe I'll actually be able to do a pull up in a few weeks.

Also, I feel excited because I did cardio for a cool down. While I hadn't set out to do so, I think I wound up running my fastest mile. (9:54) Woo!
Weigh-in: 138.0 lb lost so far: 34.0 lb still to go: 8.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (2 comments) on diet Calorie Count   gaining 0.4 lb a week

04 March 2016

Weigh-in: 135.0 lb lost so far: 37.0 lb still to go: 5.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment on diet Calorie Count   gaining 2.2 lb a week

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