The whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have always felt fat, and for the most part, have always been fat. Looking back now that I am in my 40's, I see some pictures of me where I think - hey, I looked pretty good then. Sadly, though, I have no memory of ever feeling or being thin, or normal, or not fat. Some of it has to do with how I was raised and poor self esteem. I accept myself and my faults, but have decided once and for always that I need to gain control over my eating and to feel good about myself (no matter what the scale says or what size I am). It starts and ends with me. I am always looking to improve and keep a positive mental attitude.