I have been meditating every day. Eating mindfully with only whole good foods. Keeping my stress levels on a pretty good plain despite the deadlines at work, the demands at home, the constant stress between my husband and I. I was doing soooooo good. 3 days. I made it 3 days. Then.. the universe tested me and I failed.
Last night on the way home I get a call from my husband who says he needs to go to the emergency room. Ok... why? He was squatting, stood up, and twisted his knee. Ok.... Is anyone around? Yes. Can they help you out of the barn? No no... he's got it. He will crawl if he has to. Me: 1st Eyeroll I call his doctor the ortho place is still open and has after hours so I decide to take him there. Not the emergency room he keeps insisting he needs.
I get home. Kids are screaming DAD's HURT!!! Awesome. You freaked out the kids. He's gotten to the house on his own, taken a shower, changed his clothes, and doesn't seem to be ready to pass out. Knee? It looks normal. Ok.. lets go. Nope can't. He has to call everyone and their brother to tell them he's injured (bowling buddies, his mom, etc.) Me: Eyerolls 2-22
We drive there.. seems fine. Roads are crap due to snow, I hit a few bumps.. fine. I hit one more. GASP in pain. Me: Eyeroll We get to the doctors office. I throw him out at the curb, point out the wheel chairs conveniently placed RIGHT THERE. Right next to the door. A whole row of them. Dozens to choose from. I park. Walk back. He's walking to checkin. Seemingly in soooooooo much pain. He wants me to check him in and they send us to another waiting room. The front desk girl gets ready to get him one of the wheel chairs. He insists he can walk. At this point his is lunging forward on his good leg, arms flying out to his side, insisting he can "suffer through it". I may or may not have muttered words under my breath the nurse gave me a weird look for saying.
So they ask him. Did this just happen. He says no. He says he's been having issues for years and years.. in his other non hurt leg. But the other side just happened. I about bit my tongue off. At this point. I'm keeping my mouth shut. I'm not sure if there is a spouse abuse hotline but I'm pretty sure they would have turned me in. They try to get him a wheelchair again.. again he says no and walks even worse than before. At this point he looks like one of the boys when they stub their toe a little and insist their entire leg is broken to which I tell them to suck it up. He limps to xray. Also at this point I figured out I am a horrible uncompassionate person. I'm questioning if he is even injured at all or if this is just some weird adult male I need attention crap. We get to xray. He sits there. Seems fine. He's moving his leg back and forth, bending it, straightening it, bending it again. Then he drags himself into xray. Comes back out walking 10 times worse than before which seems amazing but was still possible.
In the exam room he says how horrible it was and proceeds to stand in a squat position and says. They made me stand like this and it was the worst pain I felt in my entire life. Me: Blink.. twitch Keeps telling the doctor he can't straighten his leg. It's too painful. He has to keep it bent.
Nothing broken, maybe a torn meniscus but they have to do a mri later to tell. They give him crutches.. which he walks out with.. leg out straight in front of him. Nurse says "sir you need to keep your leg bent behind you or you will fall." To which he replies... "I know... I can't bend my knee." Me.. Huh.. I'm pretty sure I have no soul. Nada.. zero compassion at this point.
This doesn't even include the ride home where he insists on walking into cvs to get a wrap the doctor never said he needed. Without the crutches. Then insists he can't make it out of the store. I began questioning the choices I have made in my life. Oh and I ate two pieces of pizza the kids made while we were on our adventure. Totally face planted that whole I'm going to eat healthy thing. At 8:30 after not eating since noon I said screw it.
Update.. this morning he cannot walk AT ALL. He still had to go to the barn to talk to the farm hand. Had to. Somehow managed the ladder in the manure pit and climbed into the biggest tractor we have... Me? I'm still questioning where my soul went and questioning my choices in life.
Diet Calendar Entry for 18 January 2018:
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608 kcal
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Fat: 16.18g | Prot: 25.27g | Carb: 93.60g.
Breakfast: Scone with Fruit, Coffee with Cream and Sugar, Coffee. Lunch: Raspberries , Lean Cuisine Culinary Collection Chicken, Spinach & Mushroom Panini. more...
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