DairyFarmersWife's Journal, 24 January 2018

Is it possible to have eating ADD? I can concentrate on a lot of things.. eating right doesn't seem to be one of them.

Me: Today's the day! One hour later.. Oh look. Pita bread. I haven't had a pita in FOREVER. Proceeds to eat pita bread.

Me: Ok.. my pants don't fit, I'm constantly tired, and I'm sick and tired of looking this way. Today there are no excuses. Feeling good, positive vibes, I can do this.. Co-worker craps all over my day. Screw this crap.. eats chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. Throws plans to go to the gym out the window due to a new found feeling of stress and overwhelming and wanting to punt co-worker into next Tuesday.

Me: Plan plan plan, meal prep meal prep meal prep, pack the gym bag. Realize I hate all the meals I planned and prepped and face plant on any motivation to see a gym.

WHY??? WHY can't I find the motivation, the grove, or even the freakin wagon? The wagon is gone! There is no more wagon. My butt has taken over in it's quest to be the one in charge. At this point even the tiny one day at a time things are failing.

Can I have a keeper? I need someone to keep me accountable, in line, and who will physically slap things out of my hand. Or slap me upside the head. I need an assistant, a babysitter, a motivator, a mental health checker, a straight jacket, a candy stealer.. For the love of manure something has got to change.

Ok.. I'm done having my tiny breakdown.. I will go log my food and curse pitas now.

Diet Calendar Entry for 24 January 2018:
1423 kcal Fat: 82.00g | Prot: 72.74g | Carb: 93.77g.   Breakfast: Keto Coffee. Lunch: White Pita Bread, Athenos Roasted Garlic Hummus, Chicken Breast, Feta Cheese, Hanover Chick Peas, Trader Joe's Lemon Dill Sauce, Tomato and Cucumber Salad with Oil and Vinegar. Dinner: Great Value Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast, Birds Eye Sea Salt & Cracked Pepper Brussels Sprouts. more...

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Comments 
It's how bad do you want it, I wanted it real bad to end diabetes. You need to get a mindset and stay focused! Things will sneak up you have to be prepared. You can't stop living just cause your on a diet. You say you don't like the meals, find what you are comfortable with. Preplan everything, make your shopping list from the meals you preplan. Do not buy anything not on your meal plan. If you plan to go out to eat, look on Fat Secret to find a suitable restaurant, plan in advance what you will order. At the restaurant tell the waiter not to bring to the table what you cannot have. I stop them immediately, no bread rolls butter ect! I order unsweetened ice tea or water. Good luck with your journey, we're no smater than you, if we can do it so can you! 
24 Jan 18 by member: 8Patty
Lets face it, its hard. We all struggle and that's okay. It not about having the wagon on jumping on it, you get credit for waking up and looking for the wagon. My favorite thing is subbing the bad things for something good. I am stressed instead candy I will grab an apple with almond butter. I had a overwhelming day and just want to snack and forget, I eat carrots or a banana. Sometimes I chop them up really small pieces and it makes it fun. I am still training myself on this. It is hard and made more annoying by the perfection of my husband's body, who looks like he works out all the time and he doesn't. My children who are in the teens are also bean poles. I have all these big eaters in my house who need to eat but look great no matter the calories and I look at the wrong thing once and go up size. Life, I struggle but I hope struggling counts as exercise, lol! 
24 Jan 18 by member: itistime26
Respectfully, I suggest that you're just overwhelmed by competing, serious priorities right now. You're holding things together enough for your stressful newish job and to raise your children through the difficult time of your marriage breaking up and changing the lives of everyone in your family. You can't not manage the things involving your job, children, finances, etc., so you're slipping on this stuff. You just don't have the bandwidth right now to make it one of your top two or three priorities, no matter how many times you hear the "put on your oxygen mask first" speech in your head. You're human and going through exceedingly trying times. Beating up on yourself probably definitely doesn't help..... 
24 Jan 18 by member: kpwcalories
people talk all the time about "will power"...will power is not the problem for me..I have plenty will power..."yes I WILL have some cinnamon toast..yes I WILL have an ice cream sandwich"...I need WON'T power ...no I WON'T eat the delicious rotisserie chicken for one meal whew..that takes a lot of won't power...ok...well... you will find motivation...you've already taken some big steps, coming here and posting what is in your head...FS can be your keeper...track everything, keep posting through ups and downs 
24 Jan 18 by member: janstromberg
I think most of us can relate to what you are saying and completely understand. Right now you probably don't need advise. How about a suggestion? I find logging my food helps to clear my mind and helps to keep me accountable. Hang in there! You have more inner strength than you know. 
24 Jan 18 by member: Elvrya
Honey, you might eat Pita bread and chocolate but you are hilarious! Keep it positive and everything will fall into place. I'm just starting this journey myself and I'm sure I will have my bumps. Hey, nothing upsets a fellow co-worker more than to see you excell in personal goals! πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚ Show her who you are Sister!  
24 Jan 18 by member: Show Me Less
DFW, Please do not beat yourself up, take one baby step at a time. I've seen your struggle for years now. Don't try to change everything at once, it adds more stress on your already very stressful life. I understand way too well the way issues with a controlling DH can make you feel; believe me I have been there twice once with kids at home. It's hard, very hard to change your life so do little things that you feel good. Record them, even if it is "YES!! I made it through the day with some positive thoughts!! YES!!I didn't eat that chocolate candy !!! YES!! I had one piece not 10 !! YES!! I had a good talk with one of my kids today!! YES!! I walked up the stairs instead of taking the elevator!! Pat yourself on your back for any little good thing in your day. Feeling good about yourself again is a huge challenge and compounded when you have children to worry about. Mom's put themselves last after their kids. The old adage you have to take care of yourself first to be able to take care of anyone else, so hard when you have kids. Review those good things after a week and celebrate them and do something even if just for a few minutes that makes you feel good, no food allowed ;). 90% of losing weight and getting healthy is in your mindset. I firmly believe you have to face those demons that are tearing you down in order to lose the weight, get yourself healthy both your body and your mind. Everything works together. It is so hard as a Mom to put yourself first. My hardest part of this journey was facing those demons from the past that were still affecting my present. I still fight those demons but less than I used to (I left my 2nd DH in 2006 but my kid's dad haunts me more left in 1996). Also give yourself permission to stop for a few minutes here and there and enjoy the moment: anything that makes your happy. ie: snuggling with your youngest, listening to an older child helping a younger one, petting the cat or your cows, watching the sunset. Add that to your positive list for the day. I have learned from my grown children that they were suffering probably more than I was in a marriage to their Dad. I still often review the positives in my day.  
24 Jan 18 by member: wholefoodnut
totally get it! ive done the same thing for years. on 20 and under carbs 1500 calories. 17 days out now 
24 Jan 18 by member: Joy Dell
celebrate the small steps, stop beating yourself up! you can do this! 
24 Jan 18 by member: shortysmalls
wholefoodnut is right try changing one thing a day, write it down or post it here...and celebrate...life is a journey... one step at a time and build on it...you got this.. tomorrow is a new day 
24 Jan 18 by member: jennzizz
We all do the same things at one point or another. Just keep doing what you’re doing and results will follow 
25 Jan 18 by member: DEADPOOL12345

     
 

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