madaboutmoose's Journal, 06 January 2010

Only 43 more radiation appointments!! You should see the expression on my husband's face when I announced the countdown last night when he got home. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm crazy!!

Up 4 tenths of a pound this morning. No worries. Normal fluctuations. I am solidly in my range and feeling positive about the beginning of this year. It is nice not to be stressed out about the "ups" and "downs" of the scale.

Suddenly I am very busy at work after weeks of not so busy. The good thing about that is the days pass much more quickly. It's okay with me.

I have two colleagues with spouses who have cancer. One has prostate cancer like my hubby. The other has breast cancer that has metatasized to her brain. Another person who I occasionally have had contact with recently died from brain cancer. It seems like cancer is everywhere. People think my attitude about this process is extraordinary. I'm not sure it is. Sometimes I wonder if I am in "denial" but I know that I am not. If my husband's life is shortened by the cancer I want to make the most of the time we have together. We have had a lot of good times together. I think we have an extraordinary relationship. One of the advantages of doing the kind of work I do is that I get peeks into many people's very private lives. The benefit of that is it helps me to maintain perspective and to acknowledge what I do have to be grateful for. Our relationship certainly isn't "perfect" ... we have our struggles and I am sure will continue to have struggles. However I share my life with a man who truly loves me and accepts me. I feel COMPLETELY safe with him and I know he feels similarly. If I do not get as much time as I want with him I still have had so much. If our time together isn't as long as I want I know the loss of him will be very difficult for me. And yet, I know I will survive and life will go on. What IS different is that I am ever conscious of the possibility of saying farewell to him. Sometimes that brings up a lot of emotion. But is has also helped me to remember to not sweat the small stuff so much. I want positive memories of our time together, plain and simple.

Okay ... I've gone on enough!! Thanks for listening, as always. Writing helps me. It helps me to "think" outloud, so to speak. Today, as always, I need to remember what I am grateful for ... that too seems to help keep me focused on what is truly important.

1. clear skies with a half moon shining brightly this morning
2. a place where I can write my thoughts and get so much support, hugs, warm thoughts, and encouragement
3. being able to "connect" with the people I serve in my work and the realization of the honor it is to be "invited" into their homes and lives
4. a home life that makes me feel safe and protected
5. the hope of many more years with my husband

The work week is half way done as of today!! I count it from the beginning of the day rather than the end. Have a good day, soak up what is "good" about your life today!! I look forward to checking in on you in your journals!!

181.2 lb Lost so far: 78.0 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.

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1578 kcal

Fat: 33.60g | Prot: 85.76g | Carb: 255.54g.   Breakfast: medifast cocoa, water, Fiber One. Lunch: Healthy Choice Italian Style Wedding Soup, Eating Right Yogurt. Dinner: Perrier, Lean Cuisine Roasted Turkey Breast. Snacks/Other: Franz Cinammon Swirl Bread, clementine, Eating Right Potato Crisps, South Beach Living Fiber Fit Apple Cinnamon Meal Bar, Snickers Marathon Dark Chocolate Crunch. more...

3088 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Shopping - 1 hour, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 4 hours and 14 minutes, Desk Work - 8 hours, Driving - 2 hours, Precor Elliptical - 46 minutes. more...