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Good morning friends. Long time no write, Ugh.
Well last weekend I officially finished my first round of clinicals. Woo Hoo!! I've learned one thing, I don't want to be a nurses aide lol. That's pretty much what we were doing, a lot of aide work with some nursing skills when available. I did a lot of dressing changes, a catheterization, and some g-tube feedings. But it's done, and I am relieved. No more clinicals until April. March is going to be my month for sure.
It was hard. The term "anxiety" took on a whole new meaning for me around clinical weekends. I pretty much felt like a feral cat that needed to escape in the days leading up to clinicals. Oddly enough I was always fine once I got to clinicals. Strange. It's the irrational fear of what could go wrong, and feeling like I won't be able to handle it. By the grace of god I didn't let those fears control me, I pushed through and I'm all the better for it. On my last day I stopped by the gift shop in the hospital to get a souvenir, I chose a keychain. It's shaped like a skeleton key, on one side it says "Courage" and on the other side "Strength". Couldn't have found something more perfect. The patient that gave me such a hard time a few weeks ago (thank you all for your immense support on that journal. You really have no idea how much you helped me cope with that) was still in the rehab unit. He was not my patient, he was a fellow students patient though. Now two weeks ago this patient hated me, but loved Brandon. I took it personally and thought that somehow I just wasn't as good, competent, or likeable as Brandon. Well this past weekend that patient was Brandon's and the patient was downright combative towards Brandon, throwing around "mother fucker's" and taking swings at him. I felt terrible. But in the same regard, it wasn't personal. Obviously. And having that happen showed me that It wasn't personal. The instructor gave Brandon a different patient for sunday... I had that patient for two days but whatevs lol. The patient I had, however, was a gigantic perv, but he liked me. So I figure better to have a perv that likes me than someone that hates me lol.
I learned a lot, to say the least.
To cope with my anxiety during my off weekend I took on a project and completely redid my bathroom. Fresh paint, new flooring, the whole shebang. I will try to get some before and after pics up soon. It helps, staying busy. I did not stay busy with eating right and exercise though. Honestly, my anxiety got so bad I couldn't do much more than lay in bed and pray for the sweet release of sleep. My husband ordered out a lot. It has taken it's toll on my weight. February was a bust. I'm going to do my best for this last week of the month, get back on track and go from there. Anxiety stems from feeling like you don't have control, so I really need some control in all aspects of my life. This is important.
On top of that I see all these people on the rehab floor struggling with health problems that I don't want to have. I have concluded that the best way to prevent that is to take care of myself now. Nothing is guaranteed, but I don't want to be learning how to walk, talk, and swallow again in my sixties. I want to be enjoying my grandkids and hopefully my small farm. God I want some chickens lol.
It's hard for me to remember sometimes, but life is a beautiful and precious gift. There are a lot of good things to come. Just got to keep on truckin.
Hope all is well with my buddies. I've missed you much!
Diet Calendar Entry for 24 February 2015:
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1433 kcal
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Fat: 76.38g | Prot: 75.16g | Carb: 111.53g.
Breakfast: Great Value Wheat Sandwich Bread, Egg, Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Great Value Light Greek Nonfat Yogurt Vanilla, Coffee-Mate Original Powder Creamer. Lunch: Smucker's Strawberry Jam, Great Value Creamy Peanut Butter, Great Value Wheat Sandwich Bread. Dinner: Huevos con Chorizo (176g). Snacks/Other: Blue Diamond Whole Natural Almonds. more...
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