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I'm not sure where it's come from but I seem to have confidence. I think it's confidence. Maybe it's just being too freaking tired to give a darn. Maybe this is what happens to those women you see in walmart shopping in their pjs while their kids run around screaming but I haven't reached the pj part! AH!!! Or maybe I've decided to accept I am who I am. Eh.. I'm leaning towards insanity.
Yesterday I wore a burgendy long sleeved t-shirt that wasn't baggy. It showed the little bulge above my stomach. I found my fat slacks so it wasn't an all out muffin top... just a bulge. Today I'm wearing a fitted, stripped, sweater I found on clearance at old navy. It goes down to my butt so I should feel waves of fear that I look like a giant stripped zebra.. but I don't. Normally at this weight I would be hiding under giant sweaters, black's and grays to slim, and well doing anything to disguise the extra weight. But I'm not.. and to be honest I think I look pretty darn good. Heavier? Yes.. but not frumpy. I can't decide if its because I went down to 150 and didn't feel the need to dress like a tent or if it's because I've had 3 kids and feel I've earned my humps.. maybe it was all those days watching Steve Harvey and Ellen and seeing women with curves dressing nicely. I don't know.. but it's strange. Just another example of me slowly losing it. Why did I just spend most of this journal writing about clothes?? Well because.. I'm braindead. I need caffine.. and if I hadn't written about this I would have written about the kids finding a syrup dispenser that I had no idea we had then using the top as a gun because they watched lego starwars and yelling PEW PEW PEW.. I'm still wondering if someone a) swipped the thing from IHOP b) curious if we went to IHOP and I just don't remember going and c) Wondering if I went to IHOP don't remember and put a syrup dispenser in my purse thinking it was my cell phone... my purse isn't sticky so who knows??!?!?!
Other than that I'm behaving and hoping to get to 185 by the end of October. I googled calories burned per ounce of breastmilk and well.. I'm feeling cocky now. Turns out if you breastfeed for 3 yrs you'd burn 480,000 calories. I've never lasted longer than 6 months. I will probably never last longer than 6 months.. still it gives me hope to reach 185 by the end of October. Go magic boobs go!
Diet Calendar Entry for 09 October 2014:
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1845 kcal
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Fat: 63.59g | Prot: 87.57g | Carb: 236.00g.
Breakfast: Keebler Cheese & Peanut Butter Sandwich Crackers (39g), Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), Dunkin' Donuts Extra Extra Coffee Creamer, Atkins Advantage Cafe Mocha Shake. Lunch: Chobani Nonfat Black Cherry Greek Yogurt (Container), Lean Cuisine Culinary Collection Chicken Carbonara. Dinner: DiGiorno Rising Crust Pizza - Three Meat. Snacks/Other: M&M's Pretzel M&M's (Package), Rold Gold Classic Style Tiny Twists Pretzels (Package). more...
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 Comments
DFW you are confident because you are an awesome women enjoy your curves you have earned them after three kids and if you have already started back working out no worries your curves will start to look better and firmer with a little time and effort. Just dont give into the PJs at Wal-Mart
09 Oct 14 by member: Rockiesfan
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I dodge mirrors so I can keep the feeling going when I put on an outfit I feel good in;) No reason to burst my bubble right? I think every year we get older we care less about what people think of us and it feels amazing. You're doing it for you, not anyone else and that rocks. Feel sexy and own those baby lumps.
09 Oct 14 by member: fat2foxy
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Gosh I love that feeling! Your confidence is well deserved. Look at what you've accomplished, with kids nonetheless! Congratulations, and keep on smilin'.
09 Oct 14 by member: jennytheveg
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09 Oct 14 by member: Socolova
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I read that by breast feeding you burn 300-500 cals per day. That's an awesome number, it will help you lose weight, you just have to stick to healthier foods. When I had your weight I always had confidence and wore what I wanted. We don't have to hide behind baggy clothes just because we are overweight.
09 Oct 14 by member: snezica
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LOL! Maybe you're feeling confident because you look nice. I think that everyone gets self conscious, but when you dress in clothes that fit and you look nice, not like you're trying to hide something, you feel better. After reading your journal I'm a) glad I don't have a syrup dispenser, and b) glad we don't have an IHOP near us. :) Get those magic boobs working and burn those calories!!
09 Oct 14 by member: mars2kids
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My wife breastfed her kids and had enough milk leftover to donate to the local hospital daily. Said at those times she didn't have to worry at all about calories and could eat as much as she wanted, lots of energy expended in the production of the milk I guess.
09 Oct 14 by member: jmb3450
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Yay you for the confidence. Yes, it is great to be reminded to love ourselves at EVERY size. I am doing the same.. not sweating every bulge, not cringing at every lump. Maybe it's the spinach in the smoothies but 'I yam what I yam".
09 Oct 14 by member: FullaBella
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I have always marveled at women who are curvier than me yet dress and look so nice that they appear so confident and beautiful and TOTALLY out-shadow me. Hold on to that confidence! Size is definitely not everything. Laughed so much at your syrup story! And Bella, I literally say 'I yam what I yam' multiple times a month in daily conversation. (ok, it might mostly be to myself in my head but I LOVE that line!)
09 Oct 14 by member: megmonster
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I've been breastfeeding since 4.5 years! That'd be about half a million calories????
10 Oct 14 by member: njashka8
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