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Ok.. I need some advice. I think I know what I'm going to do but I'm irrational pregnant chick who never knows when she is being rational. Some of you might remember kitten. Well kitten is supposedly getting married in September because she says shes pregnant. I'm not really sure if she is or she isn't. The engagement was announced a week after she found out. She's the type of person I wouldn't doubt faking a pregnancy to snag a guy. Anyways.. I'm due August 22nd. And I really don't see how the marriage will take place anyways so I wasn't all that worried. I figured I could use the new baby or the fact that it wasn't going to happen to get out of it. She's asked hubby to walk her down the aisle instead of her own father. Whatever. If he wants to then more power to him but I'm not going to a wedding of a woman who tried to destroy my marriage, messed with my family, and well.. is toxic to put it politely. I can't be in the same room with her without shaking I dislike her that much.
Last night hubby announces her bother is engaged. We will be expected to attend this wedding as well. I don't have anything against the brother. I can't stand his entire family though. First kitten, then kittens mother who is a character on her own who attempted to sleep with my husband when we were dating, and then kittens sister who accused me of attempting to kill my husband when I got pregnant. Because having a small child is somehow bad for ones health. This probably had something more to do with the fact that this was his first biological child and they all thought they would inherit the farm when he finally passed away. He's in his 40s.. he isn't going anywhere for a very long time. I told him he wasn't allowed. They can basically all go kiss my butt.
I don't feel like celebrating, being in the same room with, or exposing my children to any of these people. So how do you tell your husband thanks but no thanks you go have a good time if thats what you still want to do? He still seems to think he will somehow convince me to go to kittens wedding. I know they have been in his life a long time but the short time they have been in mine they have been nasty parasites looking for free handouts while sucking funds out of the state, claiming disabilities despite offroad 4-wheeling and well not being limited in any way, treating hubby like a door mat, and attempting to run me off in any way they can. Oh but I apparently have something wrong with me because I can't "get over it" to use their words.
Nope.. not going. Never ever ever going. Kids? Again.. not going. Nope nope never ever going to have people like this around them if I can help it. So do I say something to hubby now and deal with his being upset or do I wait till everything is closer so I avoid the stress of watching him stress. He did say he wasn't going to kittens wedding if I wasn't invited. Maybe I will get lucky and that will be the thing that seals me not having to go.
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 Comments
Wow, that whole situation sucks. I think you are doing the right thing keeping toxic people out of your life. I think i would be honest and say for your mental and physical well being, you need to stay as far away from those people as possible. I think it's better for him to know now so he can decide what he wants to do. But you know your husband and the situation. You should def keep yourself out of that equation.
19 Feb 14 by member: Suzi161
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No comment (because what I would have to say would not be nice).
19 Feb 14 by member: BuffyBear
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it's a difficult situation. unfortunately, the worse in 'for better or worse' far too often involves members of the family. if you are adamantly opposed to going, though, you need to make that clear to your spouse. it isn't fair to leave them thinking that they can change your mind or convince you to do something that you simply can't do.
sit down and have a talk, explain your feelings and acknowledge his, but make it clear that this is something that you will not be able to do. it's not going to be easy or pleasant, but in the long run honesty is going to be the best policy.
19 Feb 14 by member: timconard
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I wouldn't insert myself or kids in that situation. However if he finds it necessary to go I'd send him with my blessing. Life is much to short to be stressed out over drama. Let's face it families provide plenty of that. I see no reason for you and the kids to be subjected to any of it. At the rate "kitten" sails through life I doubt you will have to worry about a wedding in August. But, who knows stranger things have probably happened.
19 Feb 14 by member: lgrant59
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WOW,to TIMS advice(which I agree with) :D & TIM...this is in NO WAY a slam, but were you raised by women? Your words have me believing you are very in tune with yourself. :D In my 50 yrs I haven't found too many from the male gender that freely share they *have* this type of knowledge...BRAVO for you!
19 Feb 14 by member: myawethinTICself
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I would suggest taking care of yourself.. don't get sucked into any of the planning or being the punch bowl girl duties .. and just see what happens. As you already suspect the wedding won't happen no need create unsettled feelings in your home for nothing. I do think a subtle discussion with DH with some sideways questions ... subtle.. not as I would ala 'are you freaking nuts?' but something like 'I find it interesting that you have so much more compassion for kitten and her less than honorable history in my life.. how do you do that?' and get him to explain his why's and how's would provide an opportunity for him to have to recognize in his own words what you're already feeling... something about guys ... they don't listen to women ... they only think something is real when they have to use the words themselves. Does that make sense.. or is my suggestion just another reason why men don't listen, LOL... :-)
20 Feb 14 by member: FullaBella
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lol Bella I will try that. I've already used the "are you freaking nuts" which resulted in him assuring me he doubted she would follow though anyways. If it gets closer and things still aren't cancelled I will follow your suggest and see what happens. It could work with hubby. He likes to hear himself talk. lol
20 Feb 14 by member: Ms Elizabeth
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Yep... and if it doesn't.. well, there's always 'false labor' :-) You have a built in 'get out of jail free card' for ... oh.. 18 years at least. Labor pains, fussy new baby ... ton's of escapes.
20 Feb 14 by member: FullaBella
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Just. Don't. Go. Tell husband RIGHT NOW that you're not going, that he's welcome to go and you'll have not one word to say about it (and stick to that, at least in front of him and the kids-you can always rant on here!) but that you're not subjecting yourself, your unborn baby, or your other children to the stress that you know you will be under if you go. Gently explain it's simply too much for you and you cannot do it and remain sane (ish) and healthy. Keep repeating it calmly every time it comes up.
20 Feb 14 by member: CollyMP
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BELLA..."Is my suggestion just another reason why men don't listen?" :D To get an accurate answer for that question you would need to ask a man,not DFWife :D Why not pose the question to TIMCONRAD? his advice above seems quite sound to me. BUT of course, lets not forget...not everyone thinks alike. Obviously we all know men & women do not think the same,but alot of men think alike,& alot of women think alike,so I think a man should answer your question. As for what I think---I like your suggestion about subtly asking what you directly would like him to become aware of. My hubby & I have been married for going on 5 years now(still newly weds)& he has come to appreciate(& has verbally as well as written his appreciation of)how I help him to become aware of his "feelings". He considers himself(& TIM should too) a better man,because of it. :D
20 Feb 14 by member: myawethinTICself
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No way in heck could you even pay me to go to those weddings (if I were you...).......
20 Feb 14 by member: erika2633
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I'm confused. I think there must be more back story here I don't know. Who exactly is kitten to your husband? It definitely sounds like a place you wouldn't want your children to be, nor yourself. So without the whole backstory I'd say communication and depending on what is driving your hubby really trying to see it from his perspective. Doesn't sound like this is just crazy pg chick stuff. Sounds like a lot of drama and toxicity. Im sure you two will work thru this!
20 Feb 14 by member: madaboutmoose
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Nada, no way, hell no! I'd mention it now... might as well. I'm sure he's expecting it.
21 Feb 14 by member: thynes
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I agree with Madaboutmoose. That sounds like a rotten situation. I don't know your husband at all to know how he'd react, but I think that if you expressed clearly and calmly that you are not trying to influence his choice in the matter (at least from your account here that's clear to me), but that because that family has had toxic interactions with you, you'd rather not be around them I don't see why he'd object. Has he told you why he wants you to go? It may be moot logistically, but I think relationally it's probably not a bad idea to open the dialogue now and listen to one another.
21 Feb 14 by member: MrsTofu
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