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Saturday - January 11th - and I'll be so happy when we Spring Forward with longer sunlight at the end of the day. These dark mornings and evenings are just draining to me. Plus it really seems to worry the other ladies in Yoga that I choose to walk home. I know 'walking' seems ironic to most people period (outside of my community here on FS) but to do so at night when it's dark (yeah, 7pm) seems to result in one woman or another trailing me in their vehicle to make sure I 'get home okay'.
It's sweet and a bit endearing. I continue to build my network of people who check on me - I had promised to phone SortaSister last night when I returned home but forgot and she phoned me. It's nice to know someone checks. I'm not sure what they'd do if I didn't answer but for now I take comfort in the effort. Perhaps I need to give some specifics (vehicle tags, driver's license, etc) in case someone does need to follow up on me if I go MIA?
All things food? I think I did fairly well yesterday as it included pizza. Three slices total throughout the day and the rest went into the freezer. I'd had plans to go to dinner with Kaddy after scattering Cutty's ashes at the Lake but both of those fell through and the day that began with me laughing at the universe closed with the universe laughing back.
The lake destination is a half hour drive away. As Mushy rode shotgun with me we took our time and smiled at the sun peeking through the clouds discussing how it was Cutty sending us a message all would be well. We weren't listening. He was sending a message but I was distracted and didn't read him accurately. Ah well, ours was not the first nor will it be that last marriage with communication issues, aye?
There were three, count 'em, three huge wrecks between us and the lake that had shut the interstate and all service roads down for miles that spanned three counties. We sat in the virtual 'parking lot' of the freeway and phoned SortaSister, my resident news hound, for the answer. Moving along at half a mile a minute as traffic was being redirected to anywhere BUT the direction of the lake (as one of the wrecks was on the bridge) I was so distracted trying to decide between finding 'another lake' and not being a statistic from all the rubber neckers I finally turned around to return home. 2013 closed with the statistic of 'worst drought year ever' so even if I could get to other lakes I'd have to walk thru mud (rained all day) to get to 'the water part'. What to do?
So I was misinterpreting the Cutty Blinking Sunlight message to be 'turn around, go home, be safe, get out of this' and etc. I dropped Mushy at home and went for a pedicure - much needed as I've not had one since August. Wild.
It wasn't until three hours later, reflecting on the situation and viewing a news update online that I just burst out laughing at myself and started chanting 'stupid, stupid, stupid'.
In previous journals I've mentioned Cutty proposed to me in front of a fire truck on full alert outside a mall. On our tenth anniversary he arranged for a local fire truck to appear, lights and all, at our local mall as he proposed again while giving me a 10 year wedding set. I'd joked and commented I considered pulling an alarm at the restaurant if I held the memorial to have a truck appear for me to release in ashes in front of the very venue that began our 25 years of marriage.
So the 'stupid, stupid, stupid' was in recollection of ALL THOSE FIRE TRUCKS and emergency vehicles on the highways yesterday. If I hadn't been so distracted trying to be safe and 'move along' as the Department of Public Safety was directing me, I'd have had many, many, many opportunities to hop out of the car to do just that!
And I laughed even greater once I learned there were NO Fatalities (lest you think I'm being cold hearted about someone else's misfortune) so in a sense, you could say Cutty lit up the entire freeway in honor of our engagement anniversary.
I'd sectioned out his cremains anyway deciding some would be distributed at the lake, some in the rose bushes in the yard and others at different locations of sentiment we'd shared so I took one small bag out to the back yard and laughed with him that his wife was still as ditzy as ever and spread his ashes there while thanking him for giving me such an interesting, loving, challenging and delightful marriage. Much like they did in the kitchen, his ashes took on a temporary life and floated all around Mushy and me before eventually settling into the flowers, around the bird bath and all of the other little sections of the yard that brought him great joy.
Afterward I showered and pan cooked lamb chops. This was from one of those rack of lambs I had to ORDER from our Little Town Grocery back in August while he was still with me. Don't worry - they were frozen, I'd thawed them this week with a plan. I really do need to get a sharper knife and am thinking I could do so now that I've gone at least six months without chopping off the tip of my thumb. Trying to slice that rack I basically mangled the chops but they were still good and I have leftovers. I have one more rack in the freezer and will probably roast it whole.
So lamb chops and a salad of lettuce and tomato. I seem to really, really want the oatmeal at bedtime but only made a very small bowl. Quality over quantity. When I woke in the middle of the night I took a handful of pretzel chips back to bed with me but only ate one or two; the rest were still wrapped in a napkin and I discarded them this morning.
Today? I am going to go get dressed now and get Ms. Mushy up and around. These daily walks seem to be good for her. I may be projecting my own wants and needs on her but she seems to display a sense of relaxation and settling into her own maturity and independence. Anyway, we're going to meander down to the Habitat for Humanity. I'm considering a new 'conversation area' for my patio deck and am inspired to try the habitat, thrift stores and etc., to acquire and repurpose old pieces myself rather than simply order a new set. I did this years ago and people would actually try to buy my pieces. Not sure how long that inspiration will linger but I'm going to give it a shot.
Thank you for stopping and visiting with me. I do so enjoy your friendship and relish every single comment you share. Your advice, love, support and encouragement is greatly cherished and appreciated. I feel truly loved.
Bella
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