|
It has just been a rough week after the water pipes in my house froze and then yesterday morning the water pipes in my rental home broke flooding that house. But today topped it all off. I have cried more in the last eight hours than I have in the last five years. I feel heartbroken and devastated. Fortunately, I'm not grieve-eating. In fact, I had to make myself eat something driving home today when I started seeing gray specks and feeling dizzy. I've lost one of my horses. I know some people might think that is just part of life. But, I have this bond with animals that I just never had with people. I was up and down through the night caring for him in the barn. When I had to leave to go to work this morning, I just had this uneasy feeling almost right after I pulled out of my driveway. I had called the vet as soon as they opened and was awaiting a call back. I asked my mom and dad to check on him about two hours after I left. My dad found him. He thinks he went peacefully as there were no signs of struggle or thrashing. It was all just so unexpected. He started acting lethargic yesterday evening and lost his appetite. There aren't really vets in this rural area who stay on call around the clock. But, when I left this morning he was standing and appeared to be improving though he still was not drinking or eating. Maybe he was just waiting for me to leave before he let go. I had a false reassurance that he was going to be fine. I don't really want to say anything to any friends or other family. As selfish as it may sound, I just don't want to deal with their questions. I've second-guessed whether I could have done more all day. I don't know the reason. I suspect the man taking care of the horses while we were on the cruise gave him some bad hay. But I don't know for certain. They had their own hay (square bales) but he had sat out a round bale of hay that was not from my barn or field. Round bales are a lot less work than square bales. I had this uneasy feeling about it when I saw a big round bale sitting in my pasture when I got home on Sunday as none of the horses were anywhere around the bale. Generally, my horses (even the ones that are so rotund I've wondered if they might be suffering from diabetes) will stand over hay and eat it obsessively until it is gone. The round bale has remained there untouched since we got home. I should have removed it the minute I saw it. I don't blame my neighbor. I don't know for certain it was the hay. And, even if it was...sometimes these things happen. I could send his remains to the university for an autopsy, but they told me that they could not return his remains thereafter. I just can't take the idea of him not being laid to rest on his own farm. My heart is shattered and I may never even know why.
Diet Calendar Entries for 10 January 2014:
|
380 kcal
|
Fat: 9.00g | Prot: 13.00g | Carb: 58.50g.
Lunch: Mountain Dew Diet Mountain Dew (20 oz Bottle), Taco Bell Fresco Bean Burrito. more...
|
|
2337 kcal
|
Activities & Exercise:
Driving - 6 hours, Sleeping - 18 hours. more...
|
|
 Comments
I am an animal lover so I know how you feel
10 Jan 14 by member: new me49
|
My heart goes out to you,I know what it's like to lose an animal. They love us as much as we love them, I'm sure of it.
Whatever I say to you does not make it easier. Smart horse waited until you left. They know we love them.
10 Jan 14 by member: Char60
|
Oh, how horrible! My heart goes out to you, 2MC! Have you examined the suspected bale? If there's any signs of mold or corruption, then you might have hit the nail on the head already. :( I used to work with horses, though I never owned any of my own...but know how much love you can give and receive from them. Possibly your vet could take a sample of what's in his stomach and just send that to the university? Might give you some peace of mind. And regardless...torch that suspect bale! And know we're all sending you loving vibes to try to help mend your heart. :(
10 Jan 14 by member: Char Gets Thin
|
I can't relate to the loss of such a magnificent animal. But I can feel the pain of losing a pet. They are you life. I hope you will be able to get some sleep tonight.
10 Jan 14 by member: ClassicRocker
|
Thanks for the comments and suggestions. No cough or colic. His symptoms were not consistent with moldy hay. It appears to me to be botulism. Yes, there is an inoculation available for botulism. I did not have him vaccinated for botulism regrettably. It isn't as common here as the other diseases for which I vaccinate. And, when I left this morning his seemingly improved state led me to believe that it wasn't botulism because on the two occasions in my life that I've ever had the misfortune of witnessing other herds suffer from botulism it was much faster. Of course, I'm not sure that those herds were as hardy and strong as my big guy. I've also considered that there could have been hemlock or another toxic weed dried up in that roll bale. You can't see botulism in hay. And, I can't pick through the entire bale to find a shiver of toxic weeds at this point. No visible mold in the bale. It is gone though. Universities/labs won't just do a stomach sample. But, I can tell you his gut sounds were normal. Main signs/symptoms was that his temperature lowered gradually and respiration simply reduced. No fever. No discharge. No dehydration. Gums were pink with good capillary refill even through this morning. Heart rate was elevated but only by 20 bpm. It was like he was fatigued and his body just shut down. He is almost 18. But, in excellent condition and a big, strong fella who was running up the hill just two days ago. And, I know that 18 for a pet may sound old, but I consider it middle aged as I am virtually a nursing home for elderly horses with multiple horses in the 20-30 year range. I'm coming to terms with the fact that finding out won't bring him back. It just sickens me to think that I should have done more.
10 Jan 14 by member: 2ManyCurves
|
So sorry for your loss. I know that anything I say can't take the pain away. There is no pain like losing your beloved pet. My pets are more than pets--they are part of my family and I'm sure that's how you feel. I've never felt depressed until I lost one of my cats that I had for years. I really thought I was going to have to seek grief help (yeah, sounds crazy). It took a long while and yes, I still miss him. I have two dogs, six cats, a rabbit and fish. You sure have had a week, but just know that you have friends on here. Big Hugz.
10 Jan 14 by member: Jillzee00
|
I'm sorry you have had a hard day and lost a loved one on top of it. I totally understand the loss of a pet, it is real and it hurts. (((hugs)))
10 Jan 14 by member: skwhite
|
I'm so sorry for your loss 2MC. I know that pain, and it comes no matter the size of your animal!! That love is unconditional!! I think you did all you could for your big guy, so please don't beat yourself up thinking you could have done more. I was doing that same thing back in June, when I had to put my 18 yr old cat to sleep. I catch myself still thinking I could have done or tried something more. You may never know what happened, but I understand the trying to find out. That would bring so much more peace to you. Keeping you close in my prayers, for your comfort. (((hugs))) <3
11 Jan 14 by member: pumakitten
|
I am so, so, so sorry and your grief is genuine and respected. I've lost two horses but while I knew the 'why' it didn't make it any easier and I so hurt for your pain right now. They are truly majestic creatures and because the communication is more emotion than verbal I believe the connection is deeper than with many humans. I'm so very sorry for you and will listen as much as you need and want to share. My prayers are with you.
11 Jan 14 by member: FullaBella
|
| |
|
|
| |
Submit a Comment
You must sign in to submit a comment
|
|
|
Other Related Links
Members
|
2ManyCurves's weight history
|