FullaBella's Journal, 30 July 2013

Ugh - my back is hurting and my vision is blurred today so whinedittywhine whine whine. Blood pressure is okay and I put in fresh contact lenses so.. shrug... that's about it for my home remedies.

It's probably the blurry outlook inhibiting my desire to research the internet for an answer to 'how does this biology thing all work again?' I'm still up 5lbs from last weigh in but I'm not recording it so there. I know there's NO WAY I've consumed an extra 15,000 calories in one week without leaving a noticeable gaping hole in the pantry. So it's likely baggage from The Uninvited; even months she doesn't show she seems to send her luggage ahead 'just in case'.

But it does have me thinking I've forgotten all I ever knew or understood about weight maintenance, loss and gain. My clothes aren't any tighter and I actually 'feel' lighter despite what the scale seems to think.

So I did the whole 'probably picked up a little more muscle from the market walks' but then I got stumped.
If the scale increases while I stay the same size... stumped.
If a train leaves Bellawood traveling 45mph ... wait, now I'm really stumped.

I know I cannot 'mathmatize' the weight away. Not with my math & language skills anyway.

Thank you all for supporting the 'suite' decision yesterday. Even Karma waded in on that decision in such an amusing way I feel compelled to share. Hey, it's either that or I go back to stumbling around with silly science and bad math.

Despite posting my decision as final in my journal the bean counter refused to go down without one last swing. While I hate her at times for being so cheap with me I do have to respect her for keeping me from living in a cardboard box all these years. So she took one final jab by making me calculate the rate difference.

At the precise second the 'total' rolled up on the calculator tape DH called me to the living room where he was watching some home shopping channel and insisted I order something (really silly not necessary complete waste of money thing in my opinion) for him. Doesn't matter 'what' it was but the fact that it cost EXACTLY the same amount as the room rate difference felt like the universe was chiming with a vote as well. The suite stands and discussion ends. Bang the gavel.

For some reason I seem to want to go shopping for a pair of ridiculously high heeled impractical strappy sandals. I thought those days were behind me and I'm sure if I were to try today with this backache it would confirm it.

Enough rambling .... you all have a good day.



Inexplicable weight gain has been the mainstay of my existence for somewhere around the last 10 months. Until the worst of my issues started earlier this year, I was able to fight back and reclaim my rightful weight but that didn't make it feel any more fair. Good on ya for sticking with the suite. A once in a while splurge can do wonders... just remember to leave the bean counter at home or else she will be nickle and diming your enjoyment away! 
30 Jul 13 by member: evelyn64
Yay! Your DH helped you make a great decision! Sorry I was late with my 2 cents on which suite... but what a lovely dilemma to have. I am still so proud of you for doing this. Just thinking about the massage without leaving the privacy of your room.... OMG! You would have to scrape me off the massage table once it was over. What a lovely way to treat yourself. As far as the high heeled strappy sandals... go for it. You will look mah-va-lous!!! 
30 Jul 13 by member: Mom2Boxers
Woohoo.. ouch (back still hurts - I think I have a pinched something or other back there) COLOR ME EXCITED. I just booked the in-room massage for the night of arrival! I'm totally fantasizing my evening of relaxing in a nice soft robe post massage, feet up, NO TV, soft music, scented candle (I never get to burn one here at home because of his COPD) and just quiet peaceful relaxation. If I can get a hot fudge sundae room serviced up to me I'll be in Xanadu. 
30 Jul 13 by member: FullaBella
Sounds like a dream. Proud of you for making it real. (Hugs)  
30 Jul 13 by member: teskandar
Bella, take me with you! I don't eat much (anymore) and I'll be very quiet, I promise! :P Seriously, though, that sounds...amazing! High heeled strappys, et all. ;) 
30 Jul 13 by member: RavenSoul69
Bang the gavel on this too -- if the weight is up, but your clothes fit the same... It's gotta be muscle gain. Your walking & grocery carrying is paying off... Really weighing in, in their own weigh! Couldn't resist the puns :)! I'm thrilled too that you are treating yourself -- can't think of anyone who deserves it more! I'm smiling inside & out thinking of you enjoying your in-room massage & sundae in your beautiful suite! Xoxox 
30 Jul 13 by member: Ruhu
You'd rock those strappy sandals, I'm sure of it! :) Oh goodness, your suite and massage sound incredible!! 
30 Jul 13 by member: erika2633
Bella, funny, I too feel 'thinner, lighter' but the scale doesn't agree - I vote we shoot it! or them! And your first evening sounds purrfect. And absolutely get them to send you some type of treat to your room. It will taste that much more fabulous. Take your fancy candles with you and don't forget some matches - lol. I am so envious - well not envious, I am just so pleased - you totally deserve it. You are such a diligent caregiver, and it is endless really, no breaks in sight and having been in a less than but similar situation I can definitely agree that it takes a helluva toll and you need this - you NEED this - no more thinking about it re justification, just think about it as in fantasizing about it. ENJOY Oh, and hope the back ache and blurry vision get better sooner than later. 
30 Jul 13 by member: sarahsmum
You just gotta love Karma when she shows up!!! Have fun with the massage, and relax!! You deserve it!! And I agree with Ruhu, it probably is muscle mass. You haven't changed sizes, only a little weight. That muscle mass will burn more calories for you!!  
30 Jul 13 by member: pumakitten
Sounds like a trip to heaven! Very smart move. Until my recent diagnosis with arthritis in my toe I would buy my shoes on the internet (Nordstroms because they have size 11 1/2 and 12, ship/returns for FREE). I walk around in them on the carpet for about an hour or 2 to see how they feel. Most get returned but I finally found the one special pair that I wore to the wedding I went to in April. Anyone a size 11 1/2 out there that need a worn only once pair of black patent Cole Haan/Nike low pumps? Hope your back starts feeling better soon. Are you doing your stretches after all that walking? It might help your pain. Hope your Wed is perfect! 
31 Jul 13 by member: Neptunebch
lovely, lovely, lovely! I'm so glad that Karma agrees with what your "buddies" here are saying - and, most importantly, what your Self is asking for. Good, to appreciate all sides of yourself and give voice to each of them. But, as the saying goes: Take what you like and leave the rest. If it's not serving you, thank the bean counter for her expression of concern and her years of faithful service. Then give your Self a chance to feel your love and appreciation, too. The journey continues... 
31 Jul 13 by member: Sweet Ce
Goodness, if I had an in-room massage then they'd have to send in someone to carry me to my bed and tuck me in as well-do they offer that? Your time-out sounds FANTASTIC! I have been pondering the dinner out alone, actually, and I think your idea of just enjoying it in your room in your jammies is sound. Even if you start eating alone, you don't always stay eating alone, and in my experience you tend to either be interrupted a lot or entirely ignored by the wait staff.  
31 Jul 13 by member: CollyMP
I'm late responding to everyone's comments - please forgive me. Overall you're right - Karma is chiming in with all of you telling me to treat myself good so I'm going to do it. I have never had an in room massage before so I'll confess I am a little nervous (alone, no clothes, stranger) but the flip side is I don't have to get dressed to go back to the room (or drive home as I do now). I don't think anyone will come pick me up and put me in bed though. They'd have to wait a while because first they'd have to run a bath for me - as much as I love a massage I don't like the scented oils lingering for too long (I know, weird). So I've extended my fantasy to include having the (hopeful) hot fudge sundae while I soak in a bubble bath. Not sure if I know how to do that alone anymore ... me, in a tub, without mushyface leaning against the side whimpering ... what will I do? 
01 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella


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