FullaBella's Journal, 25 May 2013

Saturday and hints of the sun hesitating behind those gloomy clouds that seem to be super glued in the sky. But at least it stopped raining and I was able to walk to the farmers market. To buy my husband a chocolate meringue pie. What's wrong with this picture?

The days are passing so fast that I had my usual Sunday breakthrough on Friday regarding this recent unfounded quest to increase protein and decrease fat and it's affect on my daily caloric total.

Three word epiphany: KNOCK IT OFF!

I remembered I'm not eating to meet a certain diet or calorie limit or percentage; I'm eating to satisfy hunger. I don't know why I keep forgetting that but I do; or did, for a week.

If I'm craving peanut butter but eat chicken, I'm being stupid and setting myself up to fail. If eating fish or chicken with each meal satisfies my hunger but falls short on the caloric intake for the day, so be it. I'm supposed to 'Eat What I Love and Love What I Eat' and did not need to start force feeding myself or worse, denying myself anything as long as I wasn't 'Eating more than I Need.'

Sometimes I'm amazed I have any brain at all as much as I torture it. Maybe I should just go buy some play-do instead of using my mind as a hacky-sack toy. Hence the painting in my previous journal. No rhyme or reason; just wringing my emotions onto the canvas. This was my favorite thing yet (ha-ha, out of 3 1/2 attempts). I wasn't following someone else's work and trying to draw anything recognizable; I just played with the paint, color and textures.

Today is my nine month anniversary of Operation Oatmeal so it's time to journal any changes noted since the previous anniversary. I keep this list as a motivating reminder to myself that losing or gaining one pound at a time seems minimal in the big picture of life but it's important to recognize the small accomplishments along the way and remember it all adds up.

*Lost 4lbs; total 100lbs since August 25, 2012
*Went through a loss of appetite and bored with healthy food phase without resorting to junk food
*No calamities on wedding anniversary
*Had such a GREAT birthday I felt reborn
*Realized my thighs don't rub when I walk now
*Felt comfortable wearing short pants in public
*Bought a small outdoor grill to another way to prepare food
*Took an art class and discovered I LIKE it
*Won the legal dispute against my realtor and tenant
*Got back on the treadmill enough to blow the dust off it
*Did not begin any sentence, out loud or silent, with 'I'm afraid if...'
*16 days now without a paring knife related injury in the kitchen
*Didn't go nuts on my birthday despite far too many gifts of baked goods
*Decided I wasn't going to make a time limit for being on FS as I really love my friends and the great relationship of sharing and support offered here.

The ongoing list serves as my reminder that the little things weight and unhealthy eating took away may not have been so noticeable as they happened but getting them back has been incredible. It can be viewed on my journal dated 4/25 if you're interested.

As always, thank you for reading.

185.0 lb Lost so far: 100.0 lb.    Still to go: 5.0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.

Diet Calendar Entries for 25 May 2013:
2061 kcal Fat: 99.21g | Prot: 111.51g | Carb: 191.61g.   Breakfast: Egg, Onions, Flour Tortillas, Red Potatoes (Flesh and Skin), Ground Beef (Cooked), Avocado, Refried Beans (Canned), Tomatoes, Cucumber (with Peel), Onions, Fuji Apples, Schwan's Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast Filet, Chicken of the Sea Premium Whole Baby Clams, Baby Spinach, Pesto Sauce, Del Monte Diced Tomatoes, Asparagus, Mushrooms, Onions, Marie Callender's Chocolate Satin Pie. more...
1903 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...
on diet Make Peace with Myself   steady weight


100 lbs! What a wonderful accomplishment & milestone, but even more wonderful is how far you have come physically & emotionally, and what an inspiration you are to so many on your weight loss/healthy eating journey. Even though you may temporarily forget, you have made such amazing progress with your mindful eating and keeping the healthy road you're building heading in the right direction. I'm so lucky to have you on my construction crew... and as my Angel! xoxox 
25 May 13 by member: Ruhu
Wow, awesome list of accomplishments ; you have officially earned the title of "Your Awesomeness". Zowey!! 100 pounds!!! That's icing on the cake of your accomplishments;the outward decoration on the loveliness inside. Thank you for sharing yourself with us all.  
25 May 13 by member: crabby Kat
Your journal's great, especially on our mental negotiations in trying to losing weight. I particularly like your list of the rewards you've got now and that, in painting, you've established an outlet for your creativity and emotion. Fat is not just a feminist issue, as Susie Orbach suggested; it's an emotional issue. Naturally, like everyone else who reads your journal, I'm also utterly humbled by your weight loss of 100 lbs. Unfortunately, the ethos of 'Eat What I Love and Love What I Eat' is why my size has doubled over the last decade. What I love is usually massively fattening: the baddest ice-cream, the richest bagels, the highest fat French cheeses... I'm not eating these things now, of course, as part of re-training myself and my palate. It would be really interesting to hear more from you about how the idea of 'Eat What You Love...' has worked for you and how it can be incorporated in losing weight successfully. 
26 May 13 by member: *Starshine*
Happy Dancing on the 100 pounds gone for ever..hope you sent them to the aliens in outer space..I find the ones on the movies are way too skinny..and need some meat on their bones..LOL..You have come a long way...and as for painting..its my Calgon..time flies by and your being creative..Enjoy your Sunday my friend...:O) 
26 May 13 by member: BHA
Congratulations Bella! Are you refining your go kart skills so that you can show those teenagers how it is done?? 
26 May 13 by member: RiverRes
Firstly congrats on the art - wow, it is really fantastic. I would hang that. I love all the colours. Next, I am so glad you are back to 'eating what you love' rather than trying to 'eat' like a diet ie lower fat or higher protein or whatever. You have lost 100 lb my friend eating 'your own way'. Why f#$@ with success! Glad you came to your senses. And isn't it wonderful when your thighs no longer rub together? It is something skinny people just can't feel :). I am so glad for your successes and for all your trying times when you didn't resort to junk or binging or purging. You likely haven't got this 'licked' - it will never be 'licked' it is life and it can and will kick you in the teeth from time to time but you have so many new skills now and I am glad too that you have decided to extend your lease here on FS because we would all miss you more than you know :) And if you do fall off the wagon and skin your knees (or forehead lol) you know you can get right back on and with some love and bandaids all will be well.  
26 May 13 by member: sarahsmum
I'm so glad to list the monthly reminder milestones. They are do important to remember on this long journey...like water,cant continue without it. Standing applause. 100 pounds is truly awe inspiring. 
27 May 13 by member: sharonfriz
Great list, great progress, great reflections. You are a wonderful inspiration and I'm glad you want to stick around on fatsecret! 
27 May 13 by member: evelyn64
I'm so glad you're sticking around, and so glad as well that you're trusting yourself to eat well without getting bogged down by someone else's idea of what you "ought to be eating". You've lost 100 pounds, I think your idea on what you should be eating is spot on, love!  
28 May 13 by member: CollyMP
Thank you all. You know, it's funny, 99lbs doesn't seem to get the great press that 100lbs gets. Ironic, huh? Just like gaining 9lbs doesn't seem as bad as 10lbs. Weird how we do that. Most of us sure do catch on to that $2.99 item is really $3 but .. I'm rambling. I haven't done the go-kart racing thing - not sure why or why not. You know, tonight may be a good night for that :-) I'm glad to be here, sticking around, and glad you are all here too. Thank you again. 
31 May 13 by member: FullaBella


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