FullaBella's Journal, 29 April 2013

While I definitely love music along the lines of Andrea Bocelli, I'm convinced if Bellawood came with a soundtrack it'd likely be 'Loony Tunes'.

Nothing flows or works right with me. I'm probably the only person who gains weight after fasting. I didn't even lose 'water weight'. Not an intentional fast, mind you - just that phase last week where I went several days not even really consuming the calories I recorded because I didn't have an appetite. So I'm not recording this gain because the scale is lying. The jeans I bought two weeks ago are sliding around but I can't claim to have attained more 'muscle' because my activity has been fairly average. Oh, Josie, I did get my sweat on yesterday planting flowers, LOL :-) Yay me.

I'm not panicking; I just think it's not fair. But it's probably the Karma Goddess not rewarding me with a low on the scale so that I won't start my little 'eating trickery' trying to lose more faster. So today - grilled hamburger steak for lunch. I think I've hit one of those scale plateaus again and the only way I broke it loose last time was to feed it.

Finally got my head wrapped around the 'Love What you Eat' barrier I was experiencing. I recognized last week part of the reason I wasn't eating was I was bored with my food. I wasn't using that as an excuse to revert to junk food but it's why I wasn't eating, period.

I finally told myself yesterday to go back to the basics. I hadn't had oatmeal & yogurt for breakfast in a long time. Much like real love, every single morsel of food may not be a celebration but love comes in many forms. I will love the food I eat because it nourishes my body and gives me the energy to stand up to the day. The fireworks of my food love may come and go but the good solid basics are there and they deserve their fair attention and appreciation.

The part that confuses me is the 'sneaking a chocolate truffle just before I go to bed' thing. Why in the world am I doing that? Two nights in a row. Maybe just recognizing it and assigning a silly image of me lurking in the dark, hand gliding into the bag to avoid a 'rattle' and quickly eating it in two bites instead of mindfully enjoying it will be enough to stop the silliness. Yes, that's it. If I'm going to eat chocolate I need to do it with the lights on. Or if it's more enjoyable.. in the dark. But wolfing down the chocolate on the way to bed is not the way to do it. That's just being unfair to the Lindors. They have feelings too.

My friend Angel and I are virtual roommates at the University of Mindful Eating. We've decided to go to summer school for a refresher to pick up the pearls of wisdom we missed the first time around. I compare it to drivers ed ~ we studied just enough to get our license but now that we've managed to log a few miles on the highway it's time we go back and check for the theories we missed. Ahh.. red means stop? Good to know.

And in closing - something to share for those few individuals out there as screwed up as me. The rest of you well adjusted folk can stop reading now.

If you read my bio I mention I am a pro at losing weight; done it four times in a massive way. Keeping it off is the challenge. That's why this time has been a complete 180 degree from the methods in the past. And that's why the mention of any 'fatburner, green coffee bean, trickery, etc' sends me running in the opposite direction. I want this one to stick. Tricks grow old and tired. I need something logical and sound that I can do for the rest of my life.

So one of the things is 'drink plenty of water'. Yep, that's a good 'diet trick' and has been around for a long time. But if you're as screwed up as me, if it feels like a trick your mind starts messing with you to avoid the traps of the tricks. Especially when I'm trying to get my 'determining when food has satisfied my hunger' under control. If I drink a lot of water before I eat I won't be hungry. Then how do I know when I'm eating to satisfy hunger or just clear the plate?? I still drink half my weight in ounces but it feels .. like I'm hedging the bets; covering the spread. Another gamble with my weight goal.

I read recently (I think in the Mindful Eating book) the reason all 'diets' encourage us to 'drink more water' is NOT because it's a TRICK - but because our food contains water. Maybe not Lays potato chips but you get the idea.

Point? If we consume less FOOD, we still need the water. So as we decrease the portions of food we have to keep the water intake up so that our bodies get what they need.

Doesn't seem so much like a 'diet trick' now, does it? Seems like just good logical healthy thinking.

I like it. I'm thirsty now.

Thank you for reading,
Bella

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1798 kcal

Fat: 127.17g | Prot: 85.69g | Carb: 88.24g.   Breakfast: Bob's Red Mill Old Country Style Muesli, Quaker Old Fashioned Oats, Nature's Way Efagold Coconut Oil, Spectrum Organic Ground Flaxseed, Spectrum Chia Seeds, Schwan's Triple Berry Blend, Nostimo 0% Plain Greek Yogurt. Lunch: Almonds, Mustard, Onions, Pickles, Ground Beef (75% Lean / 25% Fat). Dinner: Schwan's Triple Berry Blend, Dry Roasted Pistachio Nuts (Without Salt Added), Shop 'n Save Hamburger Dill Pickle Chips, Sartori Merlot Bellavitano Cheese, Deli Turkey or Chicken Breast Meat, Emerald Cocoa Roast Almonds 100 Calorie Pack, Laughing Cow Mini Babybel Light Cheese. more...

1985 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...