FullaBella's Journal, 28 March 2013

Well, blame it on the fool moon (yes, I know, full moon but my way makes more sense considering what follows) or shifting of the tides or March Madness, I don't know.

Eh, forget it, I'm not pointing the finger of blame anywhere because I don't know or care what's going on, I'm just having fun with it. I'm giving this phase about 24 hours to run it's course before decide if I even need to step in take the reins.

Mindless munching attack last night. My 'one bite at a time' mantra was firmly in place the entire time I plowed through those Lemon Girl Scout cookies, Lays Potato chips, wheat bread with mayo & swiss cheese and a couple of miniature Reeses. All one bite at a time. LOL.

I don't know if I'm in shock or finally self actualized because I can't seem to summon guilt, anxiety, regret or remorse. I'm actually kind of amused. Maybe I've completely lost my mind? I didn't even record all of it this time because it's not going to change anything.

Today, understandably, NOT hungry. And the tuba player practicing scales in my abdomen certainly isn't helping. But as I must eat 'something' or my blood sugar goes completely out of whack and takes the remaining dregs of my sanity with it, I had some sauteed spinach and an egg. MH didn't finish his breakfast, commenting, 'I'm just not hungry, either...'

I guess he'd peripherally noticed my abnormally meager morning feast. When the 'caregiver' assessment yielded all was well, just not famished, I joked 'well, my lack of appetite is likely due to the cookie orgy I had last night. What's your excuse?'

God Bless 'Serenity' stepping in to save me. MH had been commenting 'you never seem to (treadmill) anymore'. I'd already confirmed 'yes, I do, you usually NAP through it...' but on the heels of the cookie confession he remarked 'well, you'll definitely get in there & walk today now, won't you?'

My Rebel took a deep breath and geared up to deliver a 'we don't go exercise to punish ourself for snacking' speech but Serenity gently put her hand over Rebel's mouth and whispered 'it doesn't matter why you go in there, just go...'

It occurs to me the reason Serenity never showed up so much during chow time all these years was she has been the person guiding me through business and life ~ she is the Mistress in 'The Art of Negotiation'. She's been too busy handling my 'Professional Bella' to deal with food. Kind of an 'aha' moment.

So MushyFace (dog) and I curtailed our urge to SKIP away in escape and headed to Bella's Personal Gym and Project Room. I decided it may help my back (and cookie digestion) to walk a bit but my right foot hurt. I get this a lot. Something about the way I pull on my sneaker cramps my toes. This is usually resolved by stepping off the treadmill and grinding my right foot on the floor as if stamping out a cigarette. It seems to spread my little bunched toes apart.

Today... not so much. The third 'foot grind' prompted Mushyface off her overstuffed recliner with a warming pad; she obviously thought I was trying to entice her to play tag and with my superhero ability to multitask rationalization and humanize my dog I deciphered her tail wagging was a metaphor for waving the white flag of surrender.

After a few laps of 'tag' she jumped back on her recliner. I climbed back on the treadmill but darned if that same foot that wasn't bothering me during 'tag' didn't start nagging me again. Hmmm...So I said 'to heck with it' and decided to start rearranging some of my space for my next project.

The music continued to blast and before I knew it ... I .. was .. DANCING?

Now, I am a complete dork. Just walking around and breathing in and out is a challenge for me. I take solace I'm not alone in this or those peppy little aerobic instructors wouldn't make 'don't forget to breathe' part of their universal repetitive mantra.

To the unfortunate observer guys manning the drones I likely projected some ambulatory staggering zombie seizure bumbling old lady attack. More material for Dian Fossey than Bob Fossey. I have no rhythm and haven't danced in public since Clinton was in office. Even then there was tequila involved.

But in my mind, the one that seems to have taken a complete leave of itself today, I was a Twisting, Turning, Spinning, Rocking Boogie Woogie Dancing Queen. When I ran out of the few standard 'white woman dancing' moves I know of, I started making them up. I even developed an 'airplane meets pow-wow around the campfire' dance move.

However, the 'campfire' was the devil. I was dancing around that...that ... THING... emotion, feeling, hormone, whatever the heck it is that grabs hold of me at times and clenches so tightly in a grip of depression I can barely breath.

My mother had it; so did her mother. Maybe all women have it and some just handle it better than others. In our family... not so much.

I danced until I laughed and felt a little teary eyed release of pressure. Then I laughed again. I even unleashed the toddlers and let them spin around in joy until the room began spinning with us. I returned from my 'walk' lighter than when I departed.

MH asked 'how'd your walk go'?

Serenity answered, "Just Fine..."

If this were a postcard I'd write: 'Having the time of my life in Crazytown. Wish you were here.'

Bella


Diet Calendar Entries for 28 March 2013:
1486 kcal Fat: 83.22g | Prot: 131.07g | Carb: 62.89g.   Breakfast: Egg, Baby Spinach, Spectrum Chia Seeds, Nature's Way Efagold Coconut Oil, Libby's Crispy Sauerkraut. Lunch: StarKist Foods Solid White Albacore Tuna in Water. Dinner: Onions, Singleton 's Stripey Jack Cheese, Baby Spinach, Bell Peppers, Sliced Ham (Regular, Approx. 11% Fat), Turkey Breast Meat. Snacks/Other: Turkey Breast Meat, Vanilla Wafer Cookie, Swiss Cheese, Great Value Large Curd Cottage Cheese, Cheddar Cheese, Planters NUT-rition Wholesome Nut Mix (Package). more...
1996 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...

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Comments 
Amen sister! Same thing going on here... hope we get it all out of our system and soon! There's definitley something ogin on...hmmmm lol. 
28 Mar 13 by member: thynes
Ditto! What is with these "funky" moods? Shouldn't we all be having those HAPPY "spring fever" moods? ... "oh my" says one of them, "Sandi could it be all that crappy food you are eating?"  
28 Mar 13 by member: 2toofat
@Thynes ... kind of makes you long for the holidays again, doesn't it - at least then there was a logical explanation @Sandi - I'd blame my funky mood on the funky food but the mood came before the food so that chicken already crossed the road during rush hour .... 
28 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella
Its the weather..Its gotta be..:O) 
28 Mar 13 by member: BHA
@Bren - yeah, global warming :-) 
28 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella
Way to go - dancing queen. I have even done it in front of DH when I had head phones on so I know he knows I'm out of my mind. I don't care I love to let loose sometimes. I'm so glad we are in this for LIFE because we can have our days of indulgence and NO guilt - who gives a flying ef if let go every now and again. I will join you in this one. 
28 Mar 13 by member: Neptunebch
I had a feeding frenzy last night too. What the heck??? Maybe it IS the full moon. I have a dear friend who works in a psyche ward at a local hospital - she always comments on the behavior of the patients when there is a full moon. Hey, it moves the ocean...why not us? Grab the wagon and hop back on! 
28 Mar 13 by member: CharleeSue
Ah, yes... I've eaten my share of "too much", all one bite at a time, too. I don't think it's a coincidence that "exercise" and "exorcise" are only one letter different as I have always found that exercise exorcises my demons. It sounds like I'm not alone ;) 
28 Mar 13 by member: evelyn64
@Neptune ~ I know, right?? Who gives a flying EF! That's still my attitude today ... I even finally logged it and it's the first time I've seen a red diary in a long time... actually made me feel ALIVE like I was DRIVING my own destiny instead of some Robot Woe. I know it can't continue but I think the dancing was like a war dance... I'm battling so much more than cookies these days ~ I know I'm at a crossroads with this healthy living thing and I ... I have to keep my sense of humor. Maybe I just needed to unleash the bad girl in me. I don't know. And as far as dancing... I have wanted to dance alllll day. I was standing behind the counter tapping my toes as a customer lagged on a decision. I'm surprised I didn't break into a line dance! Dance with me, FS buddies... @Charlee ~ I can't blame moons .. I'm not really blaming anyone. If it continues, sure, I'll start taking inventory and looking for leaks but today.. I'm laughing and dancing. Girl Scout Cookies for Everyone!! 
28 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella
Dance like nobody's watching! Laugh like you mean it! Thanks for sharing your journey. 
28 Mar 13 by member: Sweet Ce
Aha, you've discovered the hidden purpose of my Zumba addiction! They dim the lights in those classes, you know, which helps me let go. So, I also started dancing at the Hard Rock Cafe on Maui when they had live music with a Reggaeton flavor... as for bad girl; try some risque moves in your war dance! I'm down with this wild dance party; rock on! 
28 Mar 13 by member: crabby Kat
@Sweet - I was trying to remember the third item of that mantra.. is it 'love as if you've never been hurt?' You're welcome. @Kitkat - you know, I did think of you and wondered 'is this what Zumba is like, just with less structure?' The 'rearranging' of the stuff was to make room to put a TV/DVD in there for a yoga/exercise video. I may just have to check out a zumba too. 
28 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella
Dancing with the Angel.... The next big reality tv show?!?  
28 Mar 13 by member: Ruhu
@Angel - haha... think I can get Michael Landon to come back?  
28 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella
Ah, it get's the best of us..... Think Oatmeal the next time. Or call me crazy but (if you want to stop the binge) try sniffing vanilla extract. Otherwise, chin up and move on. That's what I do. Just as long as you don't put binge days back to back you are good to go. Miles of smiles.  
29 Mar 13 by member: deadcenter

     
 

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