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Well, blame it on the fool moon (yes, I know, full moon but my way makes more sense considering what follows) or shifting of the tides or March Madness, I don't know.
Eh, forget it, I'm not pointing the finger of blame anywhere because I don't know or care what's going on, I'm just having fun with it. I'm giving this phase about 24 hours to run it's course before decide if I even need to step in take the reins.
Mindless munching attack last night. My 'one bite at a time' mantra was firmly in place the entire time I plowed through those Lemon Girl Scout cookies, Lays Potato chips, wheat bread with mayo & swiss cheese and a couple of miniature Reeses. All one bite at a time. LOL.
I don't know if I'm in shock or finally self actualized because I can't seem to summon guilt, anxiety, regret or remorse. I'm actually kind of amused. Maybe I've completely lost my mind? I didn't even record all of it this time because it's not going to change anything.
Today, understandably, NOT hungry. And the tuba player practicing scales in my abdomen certainly isn't helping. But as I must eat 'something' or my blood sugar goes completely out of whack and takes the remaining dregs of my sanity with it, I had some sauteed spinach and an egg. MH didn't finish his breakfast, commenting, 'I'm just not hungry, either...'
I guess he'd peripherally noticed my abnormally meager morning feast. When the 'caregiver' assessment yielded all was well, just not famished, I joked 'well, my lack of appetite is likely due to the cookie orgy I had last night. What's your excuse?'
God Bless 'Serenity' stepping in to save me. MH had been commenting 'you never seem to (treadmill) anymore'. I'd already confirmed 'yes, I do, you usually NAP through it...' but on the heels of the cookie confession he remarked 'well, you'll definitely get in there & walk today now, won't you?'
My Rebel took a deep breath and geared up to deliver a 'we don't go exercise to punish ourself for snacking' speech but Serenity gently put her hand over Rebel's mouth and whispered 'it doesn't matter why you go in there, just go...'
It occurs to me the reason Serenity never showed up so much during chow time all these years was she has been the person guiding me through business and life ~ she is the Mistress in 'The Art of Negotiation'. She's been too busy handling my 'Professional Bella' to deal with food. Kind of an 'aha' moment.
So MushyFace (dog) and I curtailed our urge to SKIP away in escape and headed to Bella's Personal Gym and Project Room. I decided it may help my back (and cookie digestion) to walk a bit but my right foot hurt. I get this a lot. Something about the way I pull on my sneaker cramps my toes. This is usually resolved by stepping off the treadmill and grinding my right foot on the floor as if stamping out a cigarette. It seems to spread my little bunched toes apart.
Today... not so much. The third 'foot grind' prompted Mushyface off her overstuffed recliner with a warming pad; she obviously thought I was trying to entice her to play tag and with my superhero ability to multitask rationalization and humanize my dog I deciphered her tail wagging was a metaphor for waving the white flag of surrender.
After a few laps of 'tag' she jumped back on her recliner. I climbed back on the treadmill but darned if that same foot that wasn't bothering me during 'tag' didn't start nagging me again. Hmmm...So I said 'to heck with it' and decided to start rearranging some of my space for my next project.
The music continued to blast and before I knew it ... I .. was .. DANCING?
Now, I am a complete dork. Just walking around and breathing in and out is a challenge for me. I take solace I'm not alone in this or those peppy little aerobic instructors wouldn't make 'don't forget to breathe' part of their universal repetitive mantra.
To the unfortunate observer guys manning the drones I likely projected some ambulatory staggering zombie seizure bumbling old lady attack. More material for Dian Fossey than Bob Fossey. I have no rhythm and haven't danced in public since Clinton was in office. Even then there was tequila involved.
But in my mind, the one that seems to have taken a complete leave of itself today, I was a Twisting, Turning, Spinning, Rocking Boogie Woogie Dancing Queen. When I ran out of the few standard 'white woman dancing' moves I know of, I started making them up. I even developed an 'airplane meets pow-wow around the campfire' dance move.
However, the 'campfire' was the devil. I was dancing around that...that ... THING... emotion, feeling, hormone, whatever the heck it is that grabs hold of me at times and clenches so tightly in a grip of depression I can barely breath.
My mother had it; so did her mother. Maybe all women have it and some just handle it better than others. In our family... not so much.
I danced until I laughed and felt a little teary eyed release of pressure. Then I laughed again. I even unleashed the toddlers and let them spin around in joy until the room began spinning with us. I returned from my 'walk' lighter than when I departed.
MH asked 'how'd your walk go'?
Serenity answered, "Just Fine..."
If this were a postcard I'd write: 'Having the time of my life in Crazytown. Wish you were here.'
Bella
Diet Calendar Entries for 28 March 2013:
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1486 kcal
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Fat: 83.22g | Prot: 131.07g | Carb: 62.89g.
Breakfast: Libby's Crispy Sauerkraut, Spectrum Chia Seeds, Egg, Baby Spinach, Nature's Way Efagold Coconut Oil. Lunch: StarKist Foods Solid White Albacore Tuna in Water. Dinner: Bell Peppers, Onions, Baby Spinach, Singleton 's Stripey Jack Cheese, Sliced Ham (Regular, Approx. 11% Fat), Turkey Breast Meat. Snacks/Other: Swiss Cheese, Turkey Breast Meat, Great Value Large Curd Cottage Cheese, Vanilla Wafer Cookie, Planters NUT-rition Wholesome Nut Mix (Package), Cheddar Cheese. more...
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