FullaBella's Journal, 27 March 2013

Well, on the heels of the 'food diary' change up yesterday, I decided to refresh a little coding of my own.

I changed my 'goal weight' to reflect a 5lb goal. Mostly because I wanted to see a little green and blue in my world ~ that yellow was getting to me and somehow 'yellow' indicates 'slow down' so what's the good in THAT? As DK offered once - you'd think it would turn 'red' when you reach your goal so you 'stop' rather than when you 'start'. Maybe the FS coders aren't old enough to drive? Ah well.

Regardless, I'm wondering what the scale bot will say on my next recording. Heck, I should go do it now but I'm too busy banging out my thoughts on the keyboard to be distracted. I also wonder if, along with the food diary changes, if the coding changed on the weigh in's because even though I selected 'never remind me' on my account profile that red font 'weigh in now' link appeared weekly. As much as I'd try to ignore it, my peripheral vision was drawn to it.

So I've decided if it continues to harrass me weekly I'll just put in my latest weight and move on as I'm now weighing monthly. So short of the entire FatSecret team storming Bellawood and insisting I step on the scale, it's not gonna happen.

I just couldn't take the snarky comments anymore. In the beginning I'd try to chuckle and find humor in the little manic depressive bot responses but lately it's getting on my nerves. On the last recording it said 'at this rate, it will take you seven months to reach your goal.' I mentally responded 'Buddy, you have Noooo idea. My goal is to get it right ONE DAY at a Time. I can't even think about 7 months from now!' So, if I have to learn a whole new way to record my food, I shall also learn a whole new way to weigh :-) Yes, pun intended.

The rest of today's journal is devoid of any real direction or epiphany; just a random collection of rhetorical thoughts swirling in the grey matter this morning.

*Is it just here in the south (in my small hick town) or do your 'grocery stores' put the BBQ & Grilling supplies on the same aisle as the pet food too? If so, what IS the message there?

*In this world of pie charts and equal proportions, why are we considered frontiers for 'thinking outside the box'?

*My husband wonders, upon hearing my journal from yesterday, if the entire community of FS is as absurd as me; I assured him the rest of the people here were mostly sane and just very kind folks who accept me, insanity and all.

*He also commented 'if they knew you had a degree in psychology they'd probably demand a recount on the accreditation'. That's okay, half the time I watch Jeopardy I want a refund on my tuition anyway. The only time I feel good about my higher education is during 'Teen Week'.

*Reflection this morning yielded an interesting irony: why is it size and importance are always at a conflict in my head. When I'm 'too big' I feel less 'strong, powerful, commanding' than when I am smaller.

*On the other hand I continue to wear my oversized long sleeve denim shirt that now wraps around me double as if it is my suit of armor. In the past, it was my shield to hide my excess weight. Now it serves as my protection to camaflouge the loss so people don't try to run over me.

*I think if I ever DID use my degree for something more than lining the virtual birdcage, I'd probably conduct sessions in the bathroom. I get more work done in there than anywhere else. It's a true metaphor for 'ridding one's self of the inner crap' in so many ways.

That's all I got - need to go make lunch now.

Thank you for reading :-)(sorry keld, I gotta say it!)
Bella

Diet Calendar Entries for 27 March 2013:
2005 kcal Fat: 105.67g | Prot: 72.21g | Carb: 205.13g.   Breakfast: Egg, Onions, Baby Spinach, Bell Peppers, John Morrell Off The Bone Oven Roasted Turkey Breast, Nature's Way Efagold Coconut Oil, Libby's Crispy Sauerkraut, Sartori Merlot Bellavitano Cheese. Lunch: Johnsonville Beef Brats, Bush's Best Country Style Baked Beans. Dinner: Scallops, Spectrum Chia Seeds, Great Value Sugar Free Strawberry Preserves, Schwan's California Blend. Snacks/Other: Girl Scout Cookies Lemonades, Whole Wheat Bread, Swiss Cheese, Mayonnaise, Lay's Classic Potato Chips (28.3g), Reese's Miniature Peanut Butter Cups, Fiber One 80 Calorie Cereal - Chocolate, Sunshine Cheez-It White Cheddar Crackers. more...
1996 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...

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Comments 
Haha bella...you do make me laugh. There is something so important for me in that idea of being larger and feeling protected and feeling like a force to be reckoned with and a smaller Sharon is weaker. Fascinating thoughts.  
27 Mar 13 by member: sharonfriz
Discovering you have a degree in psychology is not a shock at all - with all of the mental digging and analyzing you've been doing in your journal, it makes perfect sense! Education is never wasted, in my opinion. So, even if you aren't using it as a profession, we are all benefiting from your knowledge :)  
27 Mar 13 by member: evelyn64
Amen, Eveylyn. I'm certainly benefitting - and I hope you are too. If not, send me a bill 'cause my insurance covers it! :-) Have a lovely day - Ce 
27 Mar 13 by member: Sweet Ce
Oh OHOHOH! Evelyn, I say that all the time! Or a form of it: "knowledge is never wasted". It really isn't, you use it all your life! @Bella, nope, not at all surprised that you have that degree. BBQ Grills-the husband and I were walking around "downtown" outside the base in Korea and spotted a small white dog tied to a grill. He didn't explain why it made him laugh so much until we were back on base (no, I didn't realize that parts of the world consider dog a food). Yeah, I often wonder why pet supplies are there too, seems a bit...odd.  
27 Mar 13 by member: CollyMP
I knew you had to be, as you are so intuned to your self and others..Love your journals..Thanks for sharing your life and making us feel good at the same time...:O) 
27 Mar 13 by member: BHA
@Sharon - good. Most of the silly stuff I write is just for that. I grew up on Reader's Digest and still believe it today: Laughter is the best Medicine. @Evelyn - well, so I didn't have anyone fooled, huh :-) Oh well. I think if I were practicing my clients would say 'hey, heal thyself before you roll out the couch for us.' @ Ce - no bills. You know, it's ironic. I never made any real money with that degree but it came in really handy and profitable when I was a bartender, LOL. Hope you have a lovely day too. @Colly - yeah, I know other countries eat things we adopt as pets but I'm in the US so again, I want an explanation for the arrangement. Why wouldn't BBQ stuff be on the meat aisle? @Bren ~ I'm glad. I'm always thrilled anyone reads and comments and moreso when they return :-) It helps me to know while I'm far from unique, I'm definitely loved. Or liked. Or tolerated. Heck, I'm happy to be here because MH would not have listened to all this 'stuff' over the past few months. 
27 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella
So I should be calling you Dr. Angel as I too am so benefiting from your degree (along with your virtual bird)! It makes such sense with all your amazing insights... maybe I should go back to school as even with this accounting degree, I'm struggling with the new food logging! xoxox 
27 Mar 13 by member: Ruhu
Angel - my second degree was in business and I sometimes think that's what gets in the way of my 'logical healthy approach to weight loss' - business is so 'left brain' and I've tried to lose weight that way (eat less, cal in vs cal out) and so on. It was interesting to read at that same website the other day (Erin Huggins) how she broke it down left vs right brain thinking to weight loss... confirmed what I'd been approaching for months now. Hey, one day, one bite at a time. :-) 
27 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella
I too am not surprised. I've always thought that you need to be crazier than the crazy (me) in order to help them. Please know that you are helping us and thanks for not billing.  
27 Mar 13 by member: 2toofat
LOL Sandi - my PsychProf said to me 'you'll do well ~ most people are really comfortable around you. Then again, one of my business colleagues (not psych related) said to me once 'Bella, you are a weirdo magnet' ~ again, I considered that recession proof. I just never could find the 'whatever the word is' for billing people who really needed help esp as I too was / still am / as crazy as the rest. Hey, I guess it works. If I were a recovering alcoholic I sure wouldn't take advice from someone who'd never had a drink....  
27 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella
Oh I'm a weirdo magnet as well-not sure I want to know what that explains about us both! LOL! I agree though-I don't take parenting advice from people that don't have kids, I wouldn't take mental health advice from someone that hasn't at least worked with the mentally ill (though I suspect therapists go into the field because of their own underlying issues-I've considered it myself, actually). 
27 Mar 13 by member: CollyMP
I love that you allude to getting your best work done in the bathroom. I remember as a kid that's where I used to go to think, to right poetry, just to be alone sometimes. I did have my own bedroom but the bathroom was the lightest room in the house. Funny what memories come out sometimes. As always I enjoyed the latest installment from Bellawood. Keep em coming girl and ignore your husband, re insanity. You are only insane if you don't recognise your instanity :) Happy day hun.  
28 Mar 13 by member: sarahsmum
2nd entry - funny you mentioned using your degree best when you worked as a bar tender - I remember leaving a psych's office once and going straight to the bar. I got more out of my time with the bartender than the 'shrink'. I have had lots of experience with psych docs and have no time for them at all, so glad you don't 'practice' because I would hate to have to change my mind about that :) 
28 Mar 13 by member: sarahsmum
@Colly - yeah, we'd be quite the pair let loose on the streets, huh ;-) Maybe I've just got a 'root for the underdog' mentality because I'd rather listen to someone who's been there & made their way back than someone just talking out of their hat. Side bar - was remembering the first bypass my husband had, while in the post surgery room I stood there watching him hooked to everything but a space shuttle and his cardio said 'he really needs to quit smoking' and I nodded but recognize my 'power' to control myself is lacking much less enforce it on others. So the nurse, all of 19 years old fresh outta the box full of great advice said 'if you really Love him you'll make him quit.. you just need to nag nag nag nag nag until he stops....' Seriously. I said 'oh, and uh, how long have you been married?'. Of course her response was 'oh, I'm not married' and I said 'well, chickee, you check back w/me after 10 years of marriage to a human being and let me know how that nagging thing works out for you.' That was about 15 years ago ~ I imagine she's approaching 30 now and think 'hmm, I wonder how Nurse Naggy is handling her marriage right about now....' I should have kept her phone number :-) @ Isabel ~ I can't help but wonder if it all goes back to potty training, LOL. That was when we were first taught to start controlling ourselves so maybe it's where I get my 'release'? And yeah, I've often thought if there were a challenge in shrinks vs bartenders the latter would win. Both professions come with barriers ~ we have to do the work ~ but sometimes it's just a one time 'blow off the steam' instead of an extended week after week need to examine while putting 'their' kid through college :-) HAD I actually pursued the field after college I would have gone into research; human behavior always fascinates me; the human mind is my favorite playground. Alas tho - needed to get a real job and pay some bills.  
28 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella
PS - I suck at math in my head - I imagine she's approaching 40 :-) 
28 Mar 13 by member: FullaBella

     
 

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