HCB's Journal, 11 August 2012

Advice - are you a person who likes to give unsolicited advice to others? I am not complaining but was simply thinking about how we might come across to other members.

Weight and body image are very personal and sensitive topics for most of us. You never know how your words may impact a person who needs encouragement or just wants acceptance and validation for their efforts - whether you agree with their choices or not.

I often say, "May I offer a friendly suggestion about something that worked for me?" rather than saying, "You should...You need to...This is better for you..."

All of us are unique and what works for one person may not work for another person. It is about respecting everyone's process and their efforts in a supportive way.

Today I am grateful for:
- My FS Buddies who support and encourage me to continue
- "Butt-kicking" myself to circuit train today
- The cooler weather in our region
- My DH, and my Bengal cat companions
- My work - which has meaning and worth to other human beings
- My connection to the Mother Earth and all its splendor
- My physical health

Diet Calendar Entries for 11 August 2012:
1130 kcal Fat: 36.49g | Prot: 99.62g | Carb: 127.19g.   Breakfast: water, milk, coffee, Pace Salsa, Baby Bel Light, Smart Balance Omega Non-Stick Cooking Spray, Eggland's Best large egg, Egg White, Trader Joe's stone ground white corn tortillas. Lunch: skim milk, Body fortress superadvanced whey protein powder, water. Dinner: yellow sweet corn, broccoli, water, Rotisserie Chicken. Snacks/Other: blackberries, pineapple, Strawberries, Splenda, All Bran Buds, water. more...
3150 kcal Activities & Exercise: Circuit Training - 50 minutes, Desk Work - 6 hours, Sitting - 8 hours, Sleeping - 9 hours, Resting - 10 minutes. more...
on diet HCB's own diet  


Great advice! We can become so familiar with each other that we can forget our manners.  
11 Aug 12 by member: BuffyBear
Love your journal HCB, sage words! 
11 Aug 12 by member: ArwenUndomiel
Wise words, indeed!  
11 Aug 12 by member: evelyn64
Thanks HCB for the reminder. I often worry if my "advice" will come across the wrong way. I really care about everyone's success and worry about people that may be hurting themselves more than helping. I am very appreciative of all my buddies and I know most people here mean well, but everyone might not take things the same way.  
11 Aug 12 by member: kimjinxie
NONE of MY Buddies should personalize my journal comments! I was reading some Non-Buddy comments made to other members and just wondered how that person might perceive such "advice." 
11 Aug 12 by member: HCB
I agree! You are always so sweet and supportive, but I did have one person make multiple out of line comments on my journal and I have seen forum posts by non buddies get very snippy. A good reminder, especially when one person may be scientifically right, another has anecdotal evidence from personal experience... Presto. Loggerheads. 
11 Aug 12 by member: Heidijoy
I've noticed your thoughtful phrasing in your posts. You set a good example for all of us.  
12 Aug 12 by member: jenkie5
Great advise hun. Your right I think sometimes we may not think how we word our conversation when trying to help someone. Thank you HCB. Cause we all need every bit of encouragement awe can get but in a postive way. I know I will think now before I try to give advise.:) 
12 Aug 12 by member: bonthronm
The tendancy to internalize is powerful since we are sensitive creatures. I have read others' unwarranted but well intended advice and I have offered up what I defined as jovial banter - especially as it pertains light-heartedly to non-weight-loss topics. Some buddies interpret jovial banter as playful - the way it was intended - and others read it as tough-to-take criticism. As intelligent members we can read literally for surface or read figuratively for depth. My Fat Secret is to read the second way but to refrain from reading too much into a member's comment.  
12 Aug 12 by member: wiener4
Your journal hit home. I often offer advice, or liik for keys words that I can offer suggestions on. Good journal! 
12 Aug 12 by member: pam-u-la
I think all the advice given, even if it is given in a less than diplomatic way at times comes from a place of trying to help those who are struggling...because we all know this is not easy. If it was, there would be no need for a place like FS. But you are right, that too often advice givers project too much of their own personal experience onto others, and lose sight of the fact that what might work for them, might be a disaster for someone else, or may not be heard in the context in which they intend. It is almost the nature of internet communication. :( But reminders such as yours on a regular basis can help both sides temper things a bit. 
12 Aug 12 by member: yduj57


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