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I had an emotional, downward spiral last night after my previous journal entry was submitted. The negative voice in me was loud, telling me that I don't love my body, that I'm a liar. Saying that I treat myself like crap and that I'm meant to be fat and ugly. I started swaying my underarm weight in front of a mirror until I cried. Tears of self loathing. Heavy.
I gave into that negative voice yesterday. And I felt horrible and hypocritical for writing yesterday's journal. I slept and dram of negative stuff.
somehow, I woke up earlier than usual and made myself a balanced breakfast. Grapes, toast, egg, coffee .
One day at a time, dear lord. One day at a time.
Diet Calendar Entry for 24 May 2018:
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1585 kcal
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Fat: 46.16g | Prot: 45.91g | Carb: 257.79g.
Breakfast: Grapes (Red or Green, European Type Varieties Such As Thompson Seedless), Egg, Coffee, Earth Balance Natural Buttery Spread, Trader Joe's Cinnamon Roll Bread. Lunch: Almonds, Brussels Sprouts, The Jackfruit Company BBQ Jackfruit, Baked Sweetpotato (Peel Eaten, Fat Not Added in Cooking). Dinner: Apples, Trader Joe's Pesto Pizza. Snacks/Other: Coffee Bean White Chocolate Latte (Small), Post Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds, Trader Joe's Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk. more...
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1 to 20 of 25
 Comments
Maybe therapy sessions can help u
25 May 18 by member: rosio19
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We all have negative days! You sound like you’re exhausted. Have you been getting decent sleep with the job? And exercising the body as well as the mind? Try to take care of yourself Hon!🙋🏻
25 May 18 by member: smprowett
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You need to look at how far you've come and congratulate yourself for doing such a wonderful job. It's always easier to see the negative side - which is a shame - and we never give ourselves enough credit for the positive. Stop beating yourself up, you're doing great!
25 May 18 by member: Bethlauren8
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I have struggled to find words to help you Diea, but just wanted you to know that almost every one of us can find fault in our body's appearance, even bodybuilders and bikini models do. Just do the best you and that will be well enough, hope things get better, take care!!
27 May 18 by member: Steven Lloyd
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Thank you, rosio19. I've done therapy many times. I find it very helpful. ♡
30 May 18 by member: Diea
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smprowett: Yes. I was definitely tired. I figured that all that exercise was squeezing all the toxins out. that, mixed with exhaustion, did me over.
30 May 18 by member: Diea
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Thank you, Bethlauren8. Positivity is most important when it's the most difficult to do.
30 May 18 by member: Diea
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Steven & Amanda: thank you for being on FS with me for years. Your words are helpful now, as they have been before.
30 May 18 by member: Diea
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Thank you, everyone, for your support. I super appreciate it!
30 May 18 by member: Diea
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You can do this!! We are all going through something or the same thing, I am! You got this!
30 May 18 by member: babyjacksgranny
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Hang in there, we are all our own worst critics...What we perceive as a drastic setback, others may not view in the same manner !!! Just get back on track and do your best, this is all we can ask of ourselves. I'm rooting 4 you, and I'm SCREAMING IT LOUDER than that internal voice in your head !!!!!!! :O
30 May 18 by member: wright2018
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I've been there before. It hurts. And being fat in the world often cause most every kind of pain there is in one way or another. One thing that helps me is positive "but talk". It's been such a habit for me to say something negative(thanks mom lol) but now ever time i catch myself saying something negative i add a "but" then finish up the sentence with a positive and it has mostly been working to improve my self talk. I'm a firm believer in the power of words and i think we tend to believe what we hear if it's said often enough. "My back is really hurting BUT it's going to feel better soon. " Stuff like that.
30 May 18 by member: cjodyssey
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Thank you thank you thank you for the support, babyjacksgranny and wright2018!
02 Jun 18 by member: Diea
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cjodyssey, omg, that's such a good tip. I'm going to try this out... like immediately!
"I feel fat and tired. BUT I know that these workouts and these foods will feed my body and soul with positivity that will help me find the healthy road."
Thank you. 💗
02 Jun 18 by member: Diea
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Oh I'm so glad to help. Hope you're feeling better.
02 Jun 18 by member: cjodyssey
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Atta girl. I’m a 12-stepper for many years and yes - do one day at a time. You’ve got this.
02 Jun 18 by member: Roschelle McGowan
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I am, cjodyssey. I mean, I still don't feel like myself yet, but I know I'll my find my footing the more exercise I do. I've done this many times, and I know I just have to accept the challenges and push on through. Sigh.
03 Jun 18 by member: Diea
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03 Jun 18 by member: Diea
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Aww, sweetie, I am sorry you had a moment like that...you have come a log way and like others have said, we all have bad days sometimes. Your best is good enough. We all have your back.
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