Penlan's Journal, 15 January 2017

Hey, you were all right. yesterday I felt like a different person, once I had dragged myself out. Went to guild (spinning) and had a gentle positive time with friends, happy and relaxed.

Different once I got home to some potentially bad news of course, and a struggle today as a result. Pulling myself out of bed was the hardest. Just got in from walking the dog for almost an hour and a half, in the rain. Now cold and wet, but I don't feel I have wasted the day. Hot bath now to try and make sure the germins don't attack and maybe I will sanity check the accounts before preparing and submitting the tax returns. I won't submit them today of course.,.

Anyway, you will be proud of me, I only had two teeny half shots of gin. Decided to try a new one :) It is nice enough to drink, and works....

I struggled to eat my breakfast and had it as lunch. I won't eat again today. Thankfully there is no choccie left. I got into a bad place with that stuff over xmas, and started to eat more than my usual one or two squares. My gin pal arrived on Friday with three bars of different 85% jobs. I suggested they were trying to fatten me up, and they got taken away again! Oh well, for the best.

Carbs are probably way through the roof, I am eating plenty citrus, It suits me and I don't think the carbs in while fruit is anything to worry about, it is not a blood sugar rush as the liver has to process the fructose. I think whole fruits are the perfect carb, if carbs are to be had. Still putting root ginger in my tea. Yummy and I do believe it is helping fight off the germins.

Depending on how the new turn of events unfold, I may be absent a little while. I will miss the community, I may need big help, and I know I can count on you all to help refocus my almost inevitable wayward upwards spiral.

Keep happy. Nothing else really matters. Not really.
Easier to say though......
Huge sigh.

Diet Calendar Entry for 15 January 2017:
981 kcal Fat: 32.56g | Prot: 84.34g | Carb: 70.79g.   Breakfast: Celery Fresh and Crunchy, Clementines, British Organic Somerset Farmhouse Mature Cheddar Cheese, Smoked Mackerel, Morrisons Sweetheart Cabbage. Lunch: Non Alcoholic Wine, Shiraz Wine, Wild Pacific Pink Salmon, Organic Chestnut Mushrooms, Cauliflower, Celery Fresh and Crunchy. Snacks/Other: Clementines, Navels Oranges. more...

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Comments 
Sorry about your bad news! I've said a little prayer for you. I don't know what the issue is, but God does. Hang in there my buddy. 
15 Jan 17 by member: rhontique
We have your back as much as possible as long as you have internet. If you look back in your inbox, you have my phone number if you didn't delete it - use it if you have to x 
15 Jan 17 by member: Phooka
The one thing you can know about whatever comes next is that you will cope with it. I hope it is all possible to cope with straight away, but if not, it may just take a little bit of time. 
15 Jan 17 by member: ARB0001
Thanks everyone :) (h) It will be a rocky ride for sure, but yes, if I need you I will change the habit of a lifetime and reach out. I am no longer my lowest priority, and finally realise it's ok to ask for help.  
17 Jan 17 by member: Penlan
You can do it! Make yourself number one priority , I find that hard too, but it will work ! 
17 Jan 17 by member: poppycom
Yes sometimes what we do to be happy can bring bad times coming, if we choose bad ways to be happy, but otherwise it isn't that having a good time means you're going to get something bad following, sometimes bad times come anyway, whether you've found a moment to be happy or haven't. So make sure you find your moments and let yourself have them - then when you look forward or backward at the big picture it will never be all grey.  
17 Jan 17 by member: ARB0001
ARB0001 you are so right, thanks for those wise words. I am now in the 'bad times following' as I have lived too long denying myself and my happiness. Not a choosing a bad way to be happy as such, but a bad way to be less unhappy. But the true good times are round the corner, I believe it. Sure the corner is out of sight yet, but it will come. I have to believe that. Today I was so happy at times it was beautiful. 
17 Jan 17 by member: Penlan

     
 

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