|
Today is a day I feel impressed and surprised I made it through. I really wanted to throw in the towel at many points today. But, I’m not a quitter and I have my interview coming up with the shipyard union on Thursday, so I’ll hopefully be able to give my notice soon as a contractor. The nurse in me is feeling so belittled, so humiliated. All I can mutter to myself today is fucking junkies. My foreman’s lead man, a supervisor, is a methadone addict, self proclaimed, and he is volatile to put it lightly. He is unclear in instructions and lacks consistency. He’s easily angered, and highly inappropriate. Today, I lost my temper and snapped at him. He criticized my painting yesterday and afterwards went into the space I was working and made it exponentially worse. I called him out on it today, using shipyard vernacular, and he flipped. I became insubordinate and refused to go home, as he instructed. The foreman finally came over and we spoke, he said I should seek him out when there’s a problem escalating, and lead man apologized. I’m glad I didn’t let him bully me into lost wages, and I am so grateful for my opportunity to work directly for Marinette Marine. Anyway, after lunch the lead man was not there. In his wake, another aggressive coworker presented herself, posturing and trying to provoke me. I gestured for her to step aside, rather than throwing her off the ship. Again, eyes on the prize. The contractor company at the yard is full of addicts and Puerto Rican’s, both whom are challenging coworkers and definitely the “B” team. I am painfully aware of that, and I’m really hoping I can say it was just my way of getting my foot in the door. My yard nickname is K-dot and I heard a few times “Eh, yo... wazzup with Miss Dot, why she so mad today...” because historically I have put up with so much shit with a wink and a smile. But today I was angry when I saw my work destroyed by this so-called superior and it was that final straw. My altercations were both brief and I kept my head down the rest of my 10 hours. Keeping my respirator on helps, I didn’t get light headed and no one can lip read my swearing to myself. Got home, put on jammies, sat down with 2 bags of grapes.
Old me would have been cozying up to a big ol bowl of ice cream, loaded mashed potatoes, pizza, chocolate, chips, cheese, cake. That could have all been easily a 5,000 calorie day. I’m keeping my calories under 1000 today. Grapes and carrots. That’s gonna balance with yesterdays 3000. My dietician always said to think about the week, not just one day. That’s helpful.
Stress is so high: Kids, Work, bills. That’s always been there. Feelings are better managed with exercise, but I was still angry after a HARD workout which is weird for me. That’s why I’m journaling now. It’s definitely been therapeutic, I already feel better. Thinking a bath and early to bed. Thank you for reading,and if you are ever struggling with your food sobriety, you’re doing right by yourself by being on this site. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me and my diet .... Be kind to yourself, friends. ♥️
Diet Calendar Entry for 07 August 2018:
|
552 kcal
|
Fat: 1.28g | Prot: 5.75g | Carb: 144.80g.
Dinner: Grapes (Red or Green, European Type Varieties Such As Thompson Seedless) , Grapes (Red or Green, European Type Varieties Such As Thompson Seedless) , Grapes (Red or Green, European Type Varieties Such As Thompson Seedless) . more...
|
|