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08 October 2014

Ahh, so close.



I’m being a good FS gal and still recording my food, getting back in the habit, being tenacious (HCB) about resuming this dedication, and was so pleased to note I was under RDI yesterday until I remembered the two glasses of wine. But no scones. So, hmm. A little progress.

My body shape (abdomen - the area at which I glare the most ) is shifting. I wonder if it’s the reintroduction of fruit into my morning smoothie or absence of dairy with the elimination of the multiple iced coffees or both. Maybe it’s the ‘standing’ more that comes along with my projects. Regardless, happy to see less bloat and looking more like a ‘close parenthesis’ and less like a ‘capital D’. Time. It takes TIME for the muscle to work on the fat. I’m giving it time and am going to do my best to stop tripping it on the way with cookies, candy or scones.

I realize I’ve now replaced ‘pound’ with ‘scones’ for profanity. Hmm.





Two glasses of wine. Yep, two, not one. But then, two not twelve. Yes, this week, Cutty’s birthday, working on his upcoming Memorial, picking at the ‘scab’ on my emotions and all, it’s taking it’s toll and my subconscious is acting out. So yes, the poster yesterday was for me as well ala ‘eat like you love your yourself.’



Along with all ‘that’ I seem to be experiencing a lot of peripheral challenges including some weird folks in the shop, Cutty’s TV is acting up (will be $$$ to fix), dishwasher seems to be hit & miss, main laptop was acting funky yesterday and last night the kitchen sink was stopped up. It’s like I’m in this vortex of issues and am doing my best to shine thru them.

On the positive I did something for the first time ever ala taking the pipes beneath the sink apart and determining whatever was causing the clog wasn’t ‘there’. Never did that before, never had to. I could hear C ranting ‘call the guy’ but I’m trying to learn a little ‘handygal’ stuff around here. I still needed to call the guy as whatever is causing the backup is beyond the wall.. probably caused by me plunging it first but it is what it is and I sat drinking the wine last night counting my blessings that I have a home and running water.

I recently restocked the chia seeds and am adding them to my protein shake - wow! I’d forgotten how thick they make everything. It’s almost like a milkshake without the milk. I highly recommend them to my fellow shake drinkers for a little added health benefit and adding a different texture to your drink. And just to keep a little ‘buzz’ in the mixture I make my ice cubes with coffee ~ chills the shake without diluting it as with pure water. Nice.

I slept a little later this morning; that’s four good nights of sleep in a row. So goals for today include: eat mindful, embrace my world, accept my challenges, and a fifth … night of sleep, not liquor, LOL. Gratitudes this morning include: my wonderful life, soft little Mushy, beautiful yard, and wonderful friends here.

Have a great day in your world today, okay?

Bella


07 October 2014

Well, the scones are gone. Yes, I ate them and yes, I recorded them. And obviously I’m not the first as I didn’t have to enter them into the food diary database - well, not exactly as I had the Eggnog but used the Pumpkin Spice entry. I won’t be buying or making anymore unless I can pass them off on Blondie’s crew. And that’s all I have to say about that. (Gump)



It’s going to be another beautiful day here. I’m grateful for the way Mushy takes her morning pill by just opening her mouth and chewing; it’s precious. Also, if I were to itemize the things that touch me the most at the top of list would be the feel of her tail wagging against me when we cuddle. Second would be a fresh pair of contact lenses. Third would be catching the cordless phone before it slid into the tub. If it’s the ‘little things’ that upset me the most then it may as well be the little things that thrill me equally.



I really can’t think of anything else to write. Maybe later.

Take care and have a wonderful day.

Bells



06 October 2014

“They call it Stormy Monday”...

It’s probably an oxymoron but we’re getting a gentle storm. Thunder and soft rain. Mushy and I are curled up in the recliner as I catch up with my dear friends here. Once again I have been inspired by the approaches and dedications shared in your journals. Very timely as I feel like I went off the rails with eating this weekend.

It started Friday having lunch with Yoga. As usual we split a Reuben sandwich but after a few minutes I said ‘I know this makes me look like a pig, but I want another’ and ordered it. The plan was to eat another ‘half’ and take the other half home or just leave it. But no, I ate the whole thing. Three times as much as I'd normally eat.

Reflecting on that, I think using that announcement (pig) probably gave me just the right mixture of self hatred and shame to encourage more overeating. That evening I had two tortilla & cheese with pork ‘wraps’ and was on my way to frying some tortilla in olive oil to make chips and salsa (see the binge rolling along?) when my grandson came over and distracted me working on some of my projects.

However, he also had an agenda: he wanted to have cake & ice cream for Cutty’s BD. And I’ll confess, I’d considered the same the day before so it didn’t take much encouragement. So we did but I still didn’t stop there - I followed that up with a banana & almond butter.

That was Friday night and I slept terribly. I’m not sure if it was the regret on the eating or dread of the trade show Saturday, which was … horrid. No traffic. I didn’t even sell enough to pay for my tables. This has been a bad show for me four times in a row and I am calling it quits for that one. I just can’t get my mojo in that room and I was especially disappointed after my renewed ambition had inspired me to really work up the inventory better rather than my usual ‘dump it in cases and let people find it’ mode.

So bored and disappointed on top of exhaustion I went to the ‘breakfast bar’ and had two boiled eggs, a yogurt and an banana. Not bad food, but I knew I wasn’t scarfing all that down in hunger. Emotional eating. Within a half hour I was eating a packet of Tuna. An apple followed that. Again, better than donuts and candy but still 'bad eating when not hungry'.

Eventually I threw in the towel and came home. I had some hot soup; filling and healthy but my stomach has been rumbling for three days - likely processing all this food - and is fooling me with ‘hunger’ vs ‘what else?’ I followed ‘that’ with fresh pineapple and yogurt and then said ‘enough’ and went to the auction. I seriously cannot remember if I ate anything when I got home from the auction - another reason I have decided starting today to return to recording.

Sunday gave me gorgeous weather and a renewed inspiration but it didn’t last. I cooked up some more soup - I always find it filling without being so calorically dense - but that rumble continued despite water and everything else I normally do to settle it.

I kept myself busy working in the yard, working on my plants, tidying the house, painting on the vanity, etc., anything to keep from using ‘food’ to distract me and even took Mushy to run errands in town. I was doing well but then I was so ‘empty’ and wanted something ‘dense’ in my stomach. I just felt I needed it and nothing I’d done for three days was filling it.

So I made a pan of scones and ate half of them. Eggnog scones with butter and chocolate almond butter. I can’t nor want to calculate the calories. It’s over and done. Today will be better.

I am conflicted with the recognition that I sleep so much better when I have something like that before bed. I'm not sure if the sugar spike from carbs gives me just the right combination to zone my body out for sleep but there is a noticeable reaction. And it leaves me on the fence staring at the fields of 'healthy eating but sleepless' versus 'night snack and slumber'. How to choose?

I will figure this out. I am not going to use it as an excuse of 'damn the healthy eating, I need and want sleep so bring on the scones' to return to disordered eating. I saw this quote yesterday - I like it:



Although I work hard to keep the F word (fear) out of my vocabulary - it makes sense. I don't want to repeat my failures of the past. I am sure it's a combination of this weather change and age but I know the processed grains (sandwich, tortilla) and slight weight gain are contributing to my legs aching lately. Yes, I've been on my feet a lot and that does it too. I want to get this combination back where I can stand even longer without pain. It's not bad - usually a good 4-5 hours, but I'm shooting for 8 as I have so many projects going.

So I’ve already had two bottles of water and two cups of coffee. I’m going to get dressed, open my shop and unpack my inventory as it’s a month to the next show. I know some of it’s economy and the rest is a lack of advertising on that organizer. I’m done with him. I’ll exit gracefully but exit indeed.

Another day to make progress. Should be easy compared to the past three days. Piece of cake. Wait…

Bells


03 October 2014

Beautiful Friday morning. Mid 50’s and everything is green and pretty after the storm last night. I slept very well with the blend of your prayers, exhaustion and a soak in a hot bath.

It took 4 pieces of that ‘gifted chocolate ’ yesterday before I barked, “enough!” at myself and moved in the opposite direction of the candy bowl. Mushy and I went to get paint for the vanity I’m redoing and then processed all of my auction ‘bargains’ at TMP. I often think about getting a pedometer to gauge how many steps I make as I do make a lot hauling and placing things but then I’m just content to be up on my feet until my legs ache. I know that’s enough.

Dinner was vegetable soup with pork roast. Not too much; just a couple of cups and I was satisfied. Dessert was chocolate almond butter.

Thank you for the kind compliments on my ‘art’ painting. That gallery lady invited me to participate in an upcoming show. I’m sure there’s a fee; will look deeper. However, I don’t know that I want to sell any right now. They are a part of me, my journey of discovering a side of me I never knew I possessed.

If you’d have told me a year ago I’d wake early excited to go sand and paint furniture I’d have laughed. But that was exactly the emotion this morning and it was so relaxing. Once again I started another project without taking a ‘before’ photo and I think it’s because I am trying to embrace this quote in all areas of my life:



I haven’t taken a photo of the kitchen chair I redid because it’s not really ‘arty’ in my thoughts. It was a rusty faded yellow and white and I painted it a Tuscan Yellow all over and then redid the steps with fabric from a placemat with nice detail. I seriously considered painting something abstract on the seat and back after being so inspired by this very creative artist Laura McMillan. I think she’s fantastic and her website is LauraMcMillanart.com



and I may later down the road once I get more comfortable with painting furniture.

Well, I am out of bananas and yogurt for my protein smoothie so I think I’ll pull on some shorts and walk to the market. Today will be packing in the shop for a trade show tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll get home from it in time to get to the auction in the evening. Sunday? For now it’s up for grabs.

Have a wonderful day in your world today.

Bells


02 October 2014

Starting to fade a little here - have been up since 3am. I couldn't sleep so I started painting. Primarily one of those kitchen step stool chairs I picked up at a yard sale then a little art. A customer in my store today advised my art should be calculated at $1 per square inch and said there's no reason in the world it wouldn't bring $310=$320. Color me stunned. I'd have probably put $25 on it if I'd ever considered selling it.

ATF yesterday was pretty good; probably a lot of calories all in one meal with bacon & eggs and an asiago cheese bagel but I'd eaten very light all day so it all balances. Color me proud when someone left a can of chocolate candy here and I only had one. Didn't even think of them again until just now writing this. Come back amnesia.

Today is Cutty's birthday so in his honor I ate a cheeseburger and fries. Hey, if Kathy's doc can tell her carbs are healing then I declare burgers for grieving. I had a little backyard memorial for him after which Mushy and I walked down to TMP to begin processing my auction haul the other night. I filled a huge truck full of boxes containing miscellenous stuff for less than $10. A lot of nice heavy pieces in there too - wine racks, serving trays, etc. A lot of junk to discard too though.

After the burger and fries lunch I was still craving fries but didn't have any here to make so I ordered them from the grill across the street. Color me 'lesson learned' when an order of fries was $4.32. Yes, that's four dollars for fries. I feel like I've been asleep for a century. What happened to fries being $.99 that was added onto the meal?

So burger, fries, and a sticker shock overload going on here today. I'm gonna wrap things up here and then go get some paint. I'm going to refinish an antique vanity.

Hope you're having a good day in your world today.

Bells

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