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25 April 2017

Tuesday Afternoon and my plan is to skate thru the next hour or so with as minimal interruptions and aggravations as possible.

The trip to New Orleans was fine; house was great, good food, no accidents, no one died, haha.

A couple of minor aggravations: I strained my back somehow (probably moving inventory before I left Thursday) and by Sunday was having full blown muscle spasms that even four jello shots of Everclear wouldn't dull. (I was on Bourbon Street)

Then somehow my credit card wigged out and wouldn't work so frustrating. I didn't focus so much on eating clean or following my colon healing plan but I was mindful of amounts and not over eating so there was that.

I also noticed I was (except during the spasms) going up and down a flight of stairs without pain or having to stop and breathe. Different story from several months ago.

Sleep was practically non existent esp Saturday night when my phone blew up with news that my Grandson's girlfriend hit him in the face three times. I had just fallen asleep and in my not so awake status was pulling on clothes and hunting for my car keys when I realized I was about 10 hours away. I'm still very upset about this.

Ironic as I know they are just like horoscopes.. just general enough to fit to anything...but for grins I went to a tarot card reader in Jackson Square Saturday. He first played a card about 'a king who's used to ordering people around and getting what he wants.. and how he wants 'me' but for his interest, not mine. Immediately the customer, "Mr. Discreet" came to mind.

The reader then went onto explain another card referred to a situation that was going to get very physical, not directly associated with me, but one with which I'd have no control. I was puzzled about this until I got the news about the grandson. Weird how that stuff works.

So despite seafood and more.. including a weird discussion that morphed into a craving then finally a realization when I bought and devoured a bag of pork skins... I was able to return to my veggie drink this morning with no regrets. A yogurt at lunch and am looking forward to preparing dinner; which I plan to do as soon as I close my shop.

I'm tired. This situation with the grandson weighs heavy on me. For a few minutes I considered getting a voodoo doll and even a curse put on the abusive girlfriend. But being the believer in Karma as I am I knew I'd receive a backlash of harm by trying to put it out into the universe.

So instead I posted meme's and info about abusive sociopaths and psychopaths on my FB. She finally got the hint and or grew tired of seeing it and texted asking if I wanted to talk. I don't see the point as the conversation would go something like this:
Me) did you hit him?
Her) yes .. but...
Me) well then, nothing else to talk about

I'm really sleepy. Fifteen minutes to go and I didn't avoid the aggravation .. but it's mild and this I will endure ... 13 minutes to go now....

20 April 2017

For the love of Pete I am struggling to understand the logic behind the 'temporary' contact lenses being doled out like precious gold. Why in the world does the packet only include FIVE - not seven? So this will be the second 'weekend' I find myself having to revert to my old contacts which have already been identified as a complete 90 degrees off from what I need to wear because ... grrrrrrrr. If you want me to test them for a week, give me a full week to test. Otherwise, I cannot help but feel that this back and forth is affecting my ability to retrain my eyes in the way you wrote the new prescription.

End Rant

A little enthusiastic on my juice prep yesterday so having more of the same (leftovers) this morning. Lunch may be some of the leftover chicken fajitas from last night. Not sure.

Yoga Gal brought me the leftover cabbage from her Easter Dinner. My fault; instead of being honest with her when she invited me over on Sunday and admit I really don't LIKE cabbage I accepted, complimented the meal, etc., Now I'm stuck with her bringing me more. That's what I get for being nice. I'll eventually have to nip this in the bud before I become her cabbage charity.

Finally decided on mini sweet peppers, tuna and a tomato for lunch. Chewing, chewing, chewing. Still having meals without liquids.

So this is likely it for me journaling for a few days. I'll be loading up Mushy early in the morning to go pick up my friend and head for "Nawlins". Projecting positive images of me being able to endure extended walking and standing.

So I'm not sure if I should feel flattered about this or not. One of my customers, upon me sharing my weekend to N.O. trip plans, flirted and said he would 'bring out the wild woman in me if he took me to N.O.' Okay, haha, but he's married. So I guess not so flattering. I asked him why he didn't take some cutie patootie young skinny gal and he said that's not what he wanted. So I made it clear not no, not this weekend, but not ever as long as he's married. He said he'd ask again sometime. Ah well, as long as he's able to take no for an answer.

Ironic, he asked me when we first started doing business a few years ago if I was 'discreet'... who knew he meant 'this'. I thought me meant not discussing his business with other people.

I have always had a low self esteem at this weight thanks to the fat shaming generalities. Conversely I will admit despite the health risks I always feel 'safer' at this weight because I do consider myself less 'f*ckable' ((sorry)) because I do feel threatened when I'm thinner.

It brought to mind shortly after Cutty passed one of my other customers took on a stalker mode (this was before regaining the weight). He actually wrote my name out on the money he used to pay me (for merchandise). That was creepy. But it added to my feeling of being uneasy and I probably started eating again to resume my layer of protection.

Something else to work on. I won't let this one married guy today throw me off my path to resuming my health - probably because I'm not doing what I'm doing to be thin; I'm doing it to be healthier. So without the pursuit of a number I should still be 'okay' ... at least for today. I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

19 April 2017

Veggie Juice this morning: celery, cucumber, carrot (got stuck in the C's in the produce section I guess) with spinach, strawberries, a banana, half an orange (including the peel - a little sharp but not unbearable) some coconut oil and chia seeds.

Dinner last night was king crab legs and corn on the cob. I finally tried that method of microwaving the entire ear of corn then cutting off the end and sliding the corn out, no silks, no difficult cleaning. It worked perfect and while I never really made a habit of eating corn on a regular basis so I won't be starting one, it was really good. Something about the bite of the kernel with the juice of the cob.

Another mostly sleepless night so my butt is dragging today. Massage this afternoon. That'll be nice. Home Chef arrives today so dinner will either be Crispy Rice Pork Chop with Charred blue cheese Broccoli, Baked Italian Sausage Farfalle with Parmesan garlic bread, or Chicken Fajitas with Chihuahua cheese and cilantro cream. I bet that Chihuahua cheese has a bite to it... (ba dump bump).

While I don't blame the thoughts for the insomnia I certainly explored them regarding the 'no raw vegetables' and my ironic cosmic timing. At a time when I'm craving them I'm advised to avoid them. Had this message been delivered to me six months ago I'd have squelched a little 'yippee' on the inside while feigning a 'darnit, oh well' on the outside.

I get that it's about the chewing and digesting. I'm marinating the chopped tomato and cucumber in olive oil and balsamic vinegar again today. The vinegar breaks down the vegetables quite a bit by the time I have lunch.

I managed to make it thru lunch and dinner without a beverage but did not wait the full times advised pre and post dining before having a glass of water. I get that 'not' having the liquid forces me to chew better instead of the cursory 2-4 chews then washing the rest away with a drink. The 'during' isn't as difficult as I'd imagined.

Replanted some succulents last night; decided to use my birdbath for several as I was tired of washing it and worrying about mosquito's all the time. So that kept me up on my feet and moving in the evening at a time when I'd generally have just stretched across the bed. So a little more energy and movement. This is good.

Intense heat still seems to be the catalyst to my day - but I've been notching my a/c bit by bit as I know trying to run it on 68 this summer will cause it to freeze up. And I'm noting that 70 seems a bit chilly (where a few months ago I was sweating at 68). So I'm hoping, praying, etc., that I'll be able to enjoy being out and about this weekend in New Orleans. I've prepared with walking shorts, loose cotton tops and a straw hat (I may leave my wig at the house if we're out and about during the day as it does cause so much heat and perspiration.) If the Weather app is to be believed they're only expecting a high of 68 on Sunday ... I'm really looking forward to that.

18 April 2017

Very interesting phone consultation this morning with the owner of Wellness center (colonic place). The consult was to discuss holistic approaches for identifying / relieving the pain and swelling in my abdomen. Natually weight and food came up in the conversation and I had to interrupt her because she was approaching it from the (obviously misunderstood) perspective of me wanting advice on losing weight.

Yes, my dear, I know there is a chicken/egg crossing the road type connection to health and weight. But let's not make this about the weight. Step away from the fat blaming ledge and lets talk. I'd already taken several steps toward a healthier way prior to the procedure. I'm about getting better, not getting thin. I know with the reduction in weight so my blood pressure, blood sugar and cholesterol will follow. But let's not turn this into a weight loss process or I'll lose my mind really freaking fast.

Here is what is ironic - she shared that the body is a creature of habit just as 'we' are .. and this SORT of addressed that lingering question of why I always stop at 'this weight'.. not more. She said that if a person has been a certain weight most of their life maintaining a lower weight will be harder because the body will subconsciously start processing meals in a way to restore the weight to the known comfort zone. Memories of 2014 when the scale kept increasing and clothes tightening (so not muscle weight) despite my maintaining a food diary and everything was status quo.

So that is a bit hopeless, no? It would be if I were hung up on the number. I reminded her of my agenda and we began discussing nutrition, probiotics, digestive enzymes, etc.

A couple of interesting insights introduced but before I share I want to add a little bit to the 'vegetable juice vs raw chewing topic'. The 'benefit' to drinking the juice over the chewing is the nutrients enter the blood stream so much faster than chewing and forcing the body to process them.

In fact, because of the abdominal pain, evidence I'm not digesting food as well, etc., she advised that I avoid ALL raw vegetables and fruit unless processed into a juice. This to make it easier for the enzymes to break down the juice for my body. So no 'salad therapy' for healing.

I did not share with her I had just chopped a cucumber and tomato for adding to tuna for lunch. It's presently marinating in some garlic vinegar.

I did share the interesting transformation (taste craving of clean foods) post colonic and that I'd purchased a bullet. She was thrilled.

Advice included:
1) do not drink juice with a straw. The straw introduces air into the abdomen as well as shoots the juice straight to the stomach missing the whole process where it is to be first broken down by the enzymes in the mouth.

2) do not drink (even water) during a (chewing) meal. Specifically, no water 1/2 hour before and up to one hour after the meal. I'd read this elsewhere but forgot about it. The absence of fluids puts less strain on the liver.

3) My blood type is O positive and that blood type naturally craves meat. I'm advised to eat only fish or chicken. Note whenever I write 'I'm advised to...' it means I'm not totally on board with that just yet. My Home Chef shipment arriving tomorrow contains beef and pork; I will be eating those meats.

4) Need to get a good probiotic and digestive enzyme supplement to help with good bacteria as well as truly digesting food.

5) Don't 'chug' the vegetable juice. Drink slow, allow it to swish around in the mouth so the enzymes can start processing it there.

Side note - my friend Grace has practiced #2 for years. It's always been challenging dining out with her because the server will ask 'what would you like to drink' and she says 'nothing'. 'Not even water?' "No, nothing..." and the server walks away puzzled. I once told her 'stop confusing them, order water, I'll drink it' but she refused. IF I'm able to incorporate this advice we'll definitely give the server a puzzle.

Meanwhile, the New Orleans trip is this Friday - my friend and I met yesterday to decide who was going to bring 'what' food wise as we're getting a house with a kitchen. Whenever she'd mention soda and chips that she'd bring I would resist the urge to tell her 'no'; I picked up several packs of tuna for the drive (8 hours) as well as just toss one in our bags while we're out running around so that we're not tempted to eat 'all' of our meals out; probably a nice meal at lunch. I also picked up several of the Bai Bubbles beverages. Bai Bubbles are flavor infused with antioxidants for a carbonated twist. Like bubbles, they’re light—only 5 calories and 1 gram of sugar, with no artificial sweeteners.

I did finally have some tuna for lunch yesterday; and I cooked the Coq Au Vin for dinner but something happened at it tasted too salty so I did eat some despite that but the rest went into the bin. I'm probably going to have some tuna w/the cucumbers & tomatoes here soon. Thinking about King Crab legs for dinner.

17 April 2017

Monday. Again. Didn't we just do this?

So the colonic Saturday went okay. A colonic is the equivalent of 30 enemas but it was never painful or embarrassing. I regret to report that I blew it on the before & after weigh in because I was a wee bit nervous (apparently) and did not notice there was a scale right there in the changing bathroom until 'after'. Duh. But it went okay. I did not notice any 'extreme' changes right away nor did this basketball swelling in my stomach deflate but there have been some noticeable after effects - more on that in later. For a few moments there my sides were not as sensitive to touch... but that returned.

I'm going to do a phone consult in the morning about a thermo exam or diacom. Then I'm going to read and make a decision about whether I want to proceed as well as when or if I'll repeat this procedure.

I'm also going to read up on something known as a castor oil flannel wool wrap - suppose to remove toxins, etc. If this link works you can read about it here:
Castor Oil Wrap If not - look up Wellness Mama and search on her website.

During the procedure I mentioned my 'maybe' plan of a 3 day water fast in May and the tech advised a vegetable juice cleansing fast instead of just water. Well, that makes more sense and sounds a little healthier. She advised 'beet and ginger' as a good colon detox. Before I committed fully to such a thought I went to a juice bar and tried it. Not 'bad' but I did make the ACV (apple cider vinegar) face a few times. Or the cat face in the image below.

So Saturday afterward I still came home and made a cheeseburger and fries for dinner. My reaction was that typical 'gee, I've had to give up red meat, dairy and bread for three days... break out the 'no no' foods." Later that night I thought 'well, that was kind of a wasted procedure, wasn't it?' But I refuse to feel guilt or accept that one cheeseburger erased a complete cleansing.

On the other hand.. the 'after effects' I mentioned earlier kicked in sometime in the night in that I woke several times 'hungry' but devoid of the desire to eat. I'd even cast around with a mental image of the food in the fridge and pantry and nothing registered. Not even my beloved stir fry breakfast nor the honey greek yogurt enticed me despite the white knuckle nail biting I experienced during the 'no no' period. I even baked chocolate / peanut butter chip cookies for my grandson. Had a couple. Decided that was enough.

So, somehow... this procedure has left me craving more 'clean' - for now. I began watching YouTube (love this app - I never have to read again) to compare 'juicers' to the 'bullets' and finally settled on a bullet because it will process the entire vegetable without having to discard a bunch of pulp and peel etc. So I picked one up yesterday with some beets, raw gingers, celery, cucumbers, lemons, apples, bananas, pears, as I already had spinach.

I made a beet & ginger juice last night, added a pear, then a banana and a few blueberries. Much more enjoyable. I need to learn not to chop and add so much because I still had a quart left over but thankfully it will keep in the fridge up to three days. I am anticipating the ginger will be a great energy pick me up in the afternoon when the lull sets in.

This morning I did the celery, carrots, spinach,and cauliflower but added an apple and banana. For the first hour I began wondering if this was going to satisfy my hunger as my stomach was still grumbling. Finally it kicked in.

I can imagine the first comment someone may want to post is a preference for 'chewing vegetables over drinking them' and I will share that was always my preference as well. I'm not doing 'this' because I think it's better, faster, etc., I'm doing 'this' because it's what I'm craving.

Am I going to juice only? I do not know. I still have a Coq Au Vin meal to prepare from my Home Chef box and another box on the way. I may do this during the day and have a meal at night. I just don't know. And my appetite for 'meals' over juice may return. But even if it does, I have to feel that drinking a large 'bottle' of vegetables juiced has to help in some small way even if it's not a meal replacement.

So my conclusion (today, LOL, as I always reserve the right to change my mind as the hours and days pass) is that unlike in the past when a 'switch' flips on for the 'all or nothing'... this time is more like a dimmer control. It has been a month or so of shedding a little light on my life and finding a path to happin....

Geez, I'm making my own self cringe writing that crap. Let's just say I'm trying to keep my OCD in check and mind open to all possibilities.

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