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05 November 2014

My day since posting the journal this morning:

*Tried two different 'cool things' as shown on pinterest; one was to do latte art in coffee and another was to make an egg completely yellow by breaking the yolk in the shell prior to boiling. Both failed.

*Multiple phone calls to support department on repairing the bed; at least 3 of the 5 techs I spoke to all sounded like that girl who would begin each sentence 'this one time at bandcamp'.

*Stick came by and helped me remove the foot motor so I could at least get the bed flat until the new parts come in so that's a relief as it will probably be next week before it arrives.

*Email from Blondie wanting to do chili 'tonight' - I haven't responded. Am considering going to see 'St. Vincent' on the afternoon matinee. Alone. Just slip down in the seat with popcorn (yes, popcorn) and lose myself in the darkness & big screen for a while.

*Chili for lunch and of all things craving a real Coke; had it. Weird. Probably first soda in a couple of years. Hopefully the last.

*Fought the urge to cry twice today. Just one of those days.

If I don't go to the movie I may just take my hot bath early. Feeling a lot like this poor old tiger today.

05 November 2014

Edit: browsing for inspiration - saw this and wanted to share

Thanks everyone for the kind and supporting comments. I first thought I wasn’t all that upset about it but then I ate both slices of the pie so apparently I was; or just casting for a reason to eat them. That’s done. Here’s to another day to trying to be better.

I was reflecting on the challenges that have been presented to me in the past year as I lay on the floor trying to fix my bed around 2am. The leg portion of it locked in full incline and I couldn’t release it; thankfully it’s only on one side and I will call the company today. I hate being awake at that time of the night; everything always seems so sad anyway. A review of the issues flew through my thoughts like a bad movie. It wasn’t pretty.

But as I say about eating, food, exercise, and life in general.. it could always be worse. This too shall pass.


04 November 2014

Okay - so along with food, exercise, etc., I'm working on the 'stop taking crap as the Nana' phase of my life. Blondie was supposed to come here tonight for 'girls' night - homemade chili (frito pie!) as well as 'that pie' still hiding behind the chia. We were going to watch a movie.

She phoned just now to say 'DH got a bonus today and he's taking everyone out to dinner.. ' didn't even say 'I'm sorry'. I said, "okay, bye".

I shouted out a couple of rants including 'obviously.. NOT EVERYBODY' or the message would be 'can the chili keep, he wants to take us all out, including you.'

Should I have said, "wonderful, I'll get my coat?" to just hear the line go dead on her end?

So I sat down with MY cup of frito pie - and started to write this journal and the son in law phoned. I answered, 'congratulations on your bonus' and he replied 'thank you but there's a problem.. I'm kicking her out over to your house - this can be done another night."

I told him no. A bonus is to be celebrated on the night it's received. He mumbled about 'no, it's not important.. it can wait' and I said 'chili can too.. now go.. celebrate'

I added the 'chili can wait too' just to see if he'd say 'well, in that case.. join us?' but again.. nothing.

I'm not nearly as upset about this as I was the spaghetti dinner night. I guess that one left such a thick callous on me nothing is hurting. And yes, I did discuss it with B afterward that I left upset because I thought we were meeting as a family... and told her when stuff like that happens, I don't really feel like a member of the family; just someone who buys tickets.

Rudeness is as rudeness does. Will swallow this ... not too much food.. and go one about my evening. The only final thought is more and more of this type stuff, the more I want to cancel the family vacay at Christmas - all on my dime. Feeling a little pathetic right now.

04 November 2014

All in all my gold star yesterday took a ding before I finally closed my eyes last night; while picking up a few things at Big Lots I spied the canisters of Jordan Almonds and the third time I put one in my cart, I gave in. My apology to the stockers there ~ you have no idea the lengths I go to in order to discard unwanted (well, correction, not needed) items; besides, maybe someone will see them in housewares or automotive and be unable to resist - and I helped sell them. There, that's my rationalization. So I had a few at bedtime; a tiny tarnish.

Will try to repeat the mindfulness again today. So far so good although all things considered I should be face down in brownies. Checking on a roast I found the flame from the burner had gone out and .. well.. just gas spewing from the stove. I turned it off; counted my blessings ( am still counting!) opened the doors and pulled out the slow cooker. This has never happened; no idea 'why' or 'how'. None of the usual suspects - nothing boiled over, no major breeze, nothing. I'm puzzled. Gremlins. Mean ones. But I'll focus on my Guardian Angel who saved me.

Not once in 'that' moment did the 'oh, I had Jordan Almonds' or 'oh, if only another 10lbs off' ever occur to me. Merely 'thank you thank you thank you .. oh my goodness.. thank you'. Certainly places life back into perspective.

WILL I wander into brownie fudge sundae land never to be found here again? No. I remind myself that while it's easy to rationalize 'we all still die regardless of our health' I remember it's important to try to be healthy while I'm here. Just in case I don't die today.

Well, golly - this is a bit morbid. Sorry about that. Overcast and raining here today. But the temps are in the mid 60's so that's nice.

Life is good. Hope yours is as well. Have a wonderful day.


03 November 2014

I am Rockin' the Mindful Eating Today! Giving myself a gold star at 2pm as incentive to finish out the day; well earned as I joined Grace's church group for 'Ladies who Lunch' and was seated next to Teacher Face. We dined at a soup / salad / pie buffet and I actually put a small amount of the various salads on my plate and TASTED (( and enjoyed!)) each slowly instead of my recent M.O. of shoveling in food while considering seconds. Huge baked potato - brought over half of it home for dinner or lunch tomorrow.

Free pie (yeah, seriously) and I brought it (chocolate turtle) & a second slice (chocolate meringue) to share with a new friend but she can't make it. Ah well, more opportunities to practice and firmly cement the regained mindfulness. But I did hide it behind the yogurt & chia seeds in the fridge. I need all the help I can give myself.

Yesterday was total rest & recovery day. The 'child' in me glanced out the door at the cool Autumn weather with ambition but the adult in me curled up on the sofa with a quilt and took two naps. I still slept well last night; chemically enhanced after a bit of leg wrestling but sleep indeed. Naps for me are like Wolf Brand chili ... few and far between.

My new friend, a lady I met in the shop this morning, turned out to be one of those people who could have been telling 'my' story; we even have the same name! She too has lost her husband of 20+ years to COPD within the last year; has less than admiral stepchildren, and more. I invited her to join us for lunch but she was delayed at the bank and didn't make it. Maybe another time.

I loved that the buffet is within walking distance of me and am grateful I am healthy enough to walk there without discomfort. There is just something so 'healthy' feeling about walking toward a destination rather than driving. I also discovered Yoga lives less than two miles from me and will be perfect for bike riding when I go visit her. I MAY check out two-wheel bikes as she does have a dog and I am overly protective of Mushy. I left the door open yesterday so that she felt grownup enough to lounge on the chaise outside at will but somehow she managed to pick up something that made her sick. But she's better today.

That's it for now. Happy Monday to all. Here's to an extraordinary week for all of us.


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