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26 October 2014

Day’s of MIndful Eating (DME) = Three. I can’t speak to Days Under RDI because I haven’t recorded; I found myself back in that cycle of ‘oh, look, you have calories left.. let’s go check the pantry’ thinking.




I’m feeling stronger. More like the ‘me’ I want to be. So much so that at World Market yesterday I lingered in the ‘chocolate’ aisle (and if you’ve never been - check it out online - what a selection!) thinking ‘what shall I get?’ and Mojo answered ‘you really don’t want any of it right now - no sense buying it just to have it around.’

Yesterday was mindfully fabulous all around. I woke early - not DK early but still too darn early for a Saturday - and curled up in the recliner to watch a movie. But it was boring and as I went for a coffee refill and plan to find another movie, Mojo tugged me into the kitchen and inspired me to clean and reorganize the pantry, cabinets and freezer.

That simple action encouraged me to continue with an active day so Mushy and I went for a bike ride. (Tag Sharon - your turn). We went to Habitat for Humanity and picked up some paint for the many projects I have pending then the opposite direction to the Farmers Market. Not so much produce left as it was a little later in the morning but I did get some wonderful cocoa honey and had a sweet potato honey muffin and a cup of coffee. And I picked up a flier from a local ‘beefalo’ distributor - something new to try. I didn’t buy any though because I didn’t want to have to rush back home.

After that we continued riding around at least another couple of miles. It was a beautiful day and I so enjoyed it emotionally although physically my right leg was yakking at me (spasm, aching) esp the knee. But I’d count the spins I’d make before giving it a rest; finally go up to 20 and held that for a while.



Once we returned home the thought of being indoors just zapped me so we decided to open the sunroof on the car and ride to Dallas to poke around. We picked up BCF for lunch and she guided us to a Mexican restaurant she frequents for brunch. Yay me on keeping the chips to a minimum as well as suggesting we share an appetizer instead of getting the ‘all you can eat’ buffet’. BCF said ‘but everything is on the buffet’ and Mojo answered ‘yep… but it’s a waste of money the way I eat.’ Hear that? ‘The way I eat.’ Go Mojo.



Afterward Mushy and I trekked around World Market, Ross, and Petco for a while. Well, I trekked and pushed her around in baskets; she was enjoying the shopping and repeated ‘oooh… what a precious baby’ attention but was very tired. Poor little baby finally flopped on the floor last night night with a ‘no mas!’ and I had to physically pick her up and put her in bed (because.. I sleep better with her there).

Dinner was the last of the ‘mostly broth’ vegetable soup and after soaking in the Jacuzzi my bedtime snack was a toasted biscuit, some of the cocoa honey and a cup of hot chocolate. I’d finally picked up the Mag-Ox and for the first night in a loooong time: no RLS. Thank you Kathy. Maybe it was the bike ride, the relaxed day, the MO or Jacuzzi but whatever it was it was so pleasant to relax in bed without tap dancing.

So Mojo is tugging on my sleeve to work on the shelves in my makeshift ‘studio’. These recent furniture, craft, etc., projects have taken their toll and need a little tidying. Off I go with a positive intention toward having another wonderful day. Hoping the same for you in your world.

Bella





24 October 2014

Wow - it’s Friday. That was quick.



I did really well at the Kiwanis Dinner & Auction last night. Beef stew, cornbread and yes, an oh so delicious chocolate chip brownie. But it was one bowl, one slice and one brownie. And I’d IF'd all day to prepare for it. My body and digestive system thanked me evidenced by no acid reflux last night although it would have just had to get in line behind the RLS discomfort. Will definitely be picking up the OTC magnesium suggested and give that a try before limping off to the Doc.

I just realized it’s ONIF (oh no, it’s Friday) and will remain firm with an offer to meet ‘after hours’ instead of lunch if Yoga phones. My goal is get the DURDI up to 2. This will help to relieve me of the anxiety and tendency to overeat out of aggravation.



I took all of your comments and support yesterday (well, every day actually - you are all so wonderful) to heart as always. Being reminded that I’ve ‘been thru the wringer’ this past year struck home. And with that reminder I realized I’d been doing my usual self sacrificing accommodating everyone else the past few months.

I am getting much better about putting me first hence my realization yesterday that *I* need to decide if I like other people more than being worried if they like me. It’s a fine line, tightrope or whatever the label may be to find the balance between being a selfish narcissist and a wimpy schmuck.

No plans this weekend. Unless some incredible inspiration or offer comes along I’ll likely spend it much the same as the previous just puttering around my home working on little projects and reflecting.

Have a wonderful Friday in your world today.

Bella



23 October 2014

Beautiful weather here today. Sunny and cool: my two favorites. I even have the back door open and the A/C off for the third day in a row. Love the fresh air. Mush loves it too ~ she can wander back there and lay in the sunshine at will rather than faking a potty run. My little girl is growing up. We both are.



ATF confession includes pancakes last night; just a couple but cakes nonetheless. However, the acid re-flux reminded me why I don't eat those foods.

A handful of tums and ginger ale later and I managed to sleep about 10 hours. Waking at 9am I was surprised and a little thrilled to realize I hadn't set my alarms. So I didn't make it on the treadmill but that's okay, I will do it tomorrow. Or meet Sharon's tag challenge to belly dance. Or both.

Of course that wasn't solid sleep ~ I'm always up a few times ~ but though I haven't yet picked up the magnesium suggested for the RLS I did take a double dose of the OTC and a hot Jacuzzi and went to bed at 8:30. So today I'm able to be mindful about what's passing my lips a little better ~ both incoming and outgoing.

It's interesting to me that the incoming is what hurts me and I wonder if it's a subliminal punishment for the outgoing? Although I haven't 'said' what's bugging me the past few days, I've thought it. So the pancakes were punitive. A sort of 'a person with ugly thoughts like you deserves to treat your body ugly..'

So maybe rather than thru the lips I'll release it thru the tips of my fingers: it's Blondie. There, enough said. But then it's also me dipping into that depressive lull that hits and I feel ever so lonely and sad. I find myself talking to Cutty far more now than I likely did when he was alive. There, enough said about that too.



Well, I actually created something from Pinterest that didn't end up a hot sticky mess using a frame and dry erase marker. Will leave it to you to do your own Google but mine today has a nice Thanksgiving theme on it with the message written on the glass: Eat Mindful today. No more acid re-flux. I also made one for Grace; she loves sunflowers so I did a nice soft focused sunflower theme and hot glued some silk sunflowers to the outside of the frame.

I realized last night I still have more to work thru on the self esteem as I was thinking about the loneliness but my first thought was 'well, no guy your age would want me because of x, y & z' but then fortunately the 'me' I've been working on this past year chimed in and said 'Why are you FIRST concerned about whether they want YOU? Your first concern would be whether you want THEM!'

Oh yeah, THAT!

Liquid fasting today - coffee and water only. Thankfully, I'm just not hungry and after the past couple of days I'm sure my digestive system could use a break. Kiwanis auction & dinner tonight so this is a good thing; while I will still pace myself and eat mindfully tonight ::insert TRY:: I'll at least approach it with the same focus as when this WOE was new - ala - preparing for the consumption of dining out rather than just adding it in with all the other food for the day.

One day at a time - my constant motto. I felt myself slip on a thought this morning (or last night? - days blending) but nonetheless, it was an old way of thinking and I'm proud I caught it and decided to address it now. I was reflecting that my increased consumption exceeding my activity (CICO) has added at least 20lbs to my body in the past year. My OLD way of thinking, on these previous weight losses, answered such a realization of 'so, what's 20 after losing 110... no big deal.' But my renewed way of thinking responded 'Remember when you swore you'd be as diligent with just FIVE pounds like your Angel?? What happened to THAT?'

So while I'm not particularly PROUD of the 20 and I also know some of that is fat to muscle conversion ... I'm aware of the slips and the after effects they are creating. So I'm proud today my plan is to turn it around even if it is one day at a time, one bite at a time. Just for today, I'm going to be mindful, healthy and happy.



One hour at a time at least - finish one hour, reassess, and do it again. That's all I've got to do. Yup.

Hope you're having a good day in your world today.

Bella

22 October 2014

No auction last night but I still gave into the slice of cheesecake I picked up a few nights before when I was actually craving a bear claw. My goal was to let it set in the fridge so long it molded. Well, at least it's gone.



Additionally the restless leg syndrome has grown impervious to the OTC's & hot jacuzzi so before I head to the doc I decided... yeah.. wait for it.. to TREADMILL this morning. Hey, if I'm going to lay in bed at night with painful jerking muscle spasms, at least I'll have an excuse for it.



I hate to recognize that this all started about the time I gave up the weekly massages. As much as I enjoy them I hate to think that's going to be the only way I get relief for the rest of my life.

Chicken stewing on the stove for now; will add some fire roasted veggies & broccoli florets later. Cann't believe I ran out of California Mix ~ esp when I was really enjoying the baby carrots.

I can't think of anything else right now. Maybe later.

Bella

I don't know why - but this cracks me up...

21 October 2014

I have to record this while it's fresh on my mind but before my head swells.. in the past 24 hours I've been called 'pretty blonde' and 'beautiful blonde' and been told I "have such a great personality - the kind that makes everyone I come in contact with feel special."

Color me ... feeling really good. And with the same 'sorry for the ego' ala Deb, I know it sounds like bragging but so be it. I've earned it with the changes I've been making in my life in ways more than just the scale.

To have someone tell me I have a wonderful personality that makes people feel good.. well.. that's the same person who years ago told me I had a really sh*tty attitude about things. So, I'm going to take it, savor it, and enjoy it. I wanted to get these people to put it in writing for me ... but I'll stick w/the memory of it. So there.



Another NSV recognized this morning - returning a pair of boots because they gave me blisters. I've always been hesitant to return things .. and heaven know's I'd limp all the way to Canada just because my boots were cute. But no more. Yay me and this maturity thing.



Dinner last night with Grace's Church Ladies was actually nice. I did eat a little too much and went over my RDI but didn't feel tense, aggravated or unable to make conversation. I'd meditated about an hour before and just made it point to believe whatever was being said to me was out of kindness; basically I adopted an obtuse outlook for the evening. Teacher Face wasn't there. It went well. They insisted I join them at the next one and I consider it a 'sign' that they are going to meet at the restaurant across the street from my shop for that one.

So I know I blew right past the 'exceeded RDI' confession ~ I take it in stride that I am making progress compared to when my RDI was 2000. That 500 fewer calories is helping me reign in and be more aware of my consumption. Even when I torture myself by baking cornbread AND a cherry cobbler to give to Stick with the beans. Imagine it.. all alone.. the scent of cobbler ..crazy time. I'd even purposely made enough to make myself a small one and fortunately Stick and another customer each took servings so I was confined to about 1/2 cup. Yay. No temptation calling out for the night stalker.

Which of course makes me wonder if I'm ready to battle the 'homemade cakes' at the Auction tonight. For clarity sake, I didn't eat a whole cake... and I suppose I should be more forgiving of a piece (even if it's 5 times the size of a recommended serving) but I need to rediscover that willpower in me for a while that whispers "you don't need it, you're not hungry, you have fresh fruit at home, you are trying to recapture your goal of healthy living" and more. Where ever that voice is that hangs around the first 6-9 months of my new WOE... I need it to return for a while.

So for tonight I'm putting you all on guard duty ~ and will imagine you standing in front of the cake with arms locked ... if I get whatever crazy frosting soaked delight they bring up tonight.. I have to go thru you. Dear Lord, let them not have pecans on it. It'll take a second string of defense.



Speaking of nuts .. MaraNatha no stir raw maple almond butter. I'm just saying. Good stuff. One small teaspoon and I'm a happy camper. Craving satisfied; need to forage for more erased.

Well, Mush (yes, Kattay, I call her Mush a lot too... plus a whole string of different little names) is doing much better. We were due to go to the (whisper.. V.E.T) this afternoon to get her seizure meds refilled but it's gotten so much more complicated - just like people drugs. So maybe tomorrow. Crazy stuff.

And finally, yes I do agree the exercise with weight loss would definitely change the body more than just decreased calorie weight loss, hence why I am hoping Mary Poppins lands here as I just don't have my umbrella license right now. Maybe one of the Church Ladies will bring it up and this path, this journey, will continue.

Be well, be happy, be good to yourself.

Bella


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