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15 August 2014

15 August 2014

So it's gonna be that kinda weekend, is it? One that begins with insomnia leading to craving sugar for energy and lacking any real ambition beyond getting thru the day? Okay, bring it on. Just kidding, Universe. Don't bring it on. Step off, will ya? I'm sleep deprived and a little cranky.



My usual mode of operandi for a day like this would be to slump motionless at my desk surfing the web to find something to make me smile, if no where else, on the inside.

Today..

Is no different.



I've had one customer today. Correction, one interruption. When there is no exchange of money, it's not a customer. They were just full of questions wanting free answers and it was a miracle they didn't get this expression from me.



Thank goodness I'm retired and running my own business or I'd be sitting in my cube and



But as this is Fat Secret and we're supposed to be talking about All Things Food I'll get back to that topic beginning with weight



And how important it is to instill good eating habits early in life



Otherwise eating becomes more like



And you can try to be part of a support group but sometimes that fails



And can lead to really desperate measures



So it's important to relax



And take a reflective walk



And center yourself and strength



As well as find something else to do when you're hungry ... for example.. I've taken up art...



Of course, losing weight means you get a new wardrobe




Anyway, I know you're probably feeling like



But if you haven't smiled a little bit at this then the only thing I can do is



Bella

14 August 2014

14 August 2014

Some days you just gotta laugh at yourself. I generally do it so that I beat others to the punch. Yesterday was no exception. I’d invited Blondie’s crew, aka the food vacuums, over for dinner Tuesday night. I was wanting homemade enchiladas and that’s just not a single serve meal; at least, not one I’ve mastered. Maybe some day I’ll get a tortilla maker and manage to make ONE. Until then, plan B - the plate cleaning crew.

Regardless - my dishwasher broke and it already had a full load to be washed PLUS the mountains that stacked up with the meal preparation. Four pans of baked on cheese (as I did a variety of enchiladas) plus all of the bowls and plates with dried refried beans, spanish rice, guacamole, you get the idea. When I woke to the washer in standing water (inside thankfully) I thought ‘okay, where am I going to stack all of these dirty dishes until ‘the guy’ gets here.

Oh, yeah, duh, Bells.. You Wash Them. By Hand. Remember?

Point? Really, there is one. Tuesday afternoon, the event that prompted the family meal, Blondie came here; she’d been having a really bad day and just left work early. I’d already known that early that day and had fresh sunflowers delivered to her with a card reading ‘Here’s Your Hug until I see you Tonight’ but I guess she couldn’t wait. So she vented a little and I said ‘let’s play hookie.’ I shut down the shop and we went to the movies. On a Tuesday. In the middle of the day. I’m a wild woman.

We saw “Lucy” and I’ll refrain from spoilers beyond what you could see in the trailer. Due to some situations the character begins to increase her use of her brain from the average 10% most of us use to 100%. But with each ‘increase’ of intelligence, her emotions drain. She becomes robotic. And to be in possession of all that knowledge and power, she was quite sad and miserable.

And if you’ve read this far, I’m finally making my point. I was reflecting how easily robotic my day to day actions can get. It’s as if, the more I learn, relating to food, nutrition, habits, etc., some days I feel less pleasure. I’m not lost or giving up - don’t panic and warm up the pep talks. It’s merely the recognition that:



But that’s a single event too. For every excess, there is a price. I get that too. Again, I’m not in need of a rescue. I’m fine. However, I've often recognized as well:



I guess I'm reflecting the dishwasher broke at a good time; although there’s really no good time for an appliance to break. It just helped me think for a few days (repairman comes today to determine why it sounds like a 747 is trying to land in my kitchen) about some of the things I do in the kitchen beyond just the food I put in my mouth. It’s not all about the eating; it’s about the processes before and after.





It may make sense to you reading this, it may not. Either way, thank you for stopping by to visit with me and sticking around for the rambling. Hope you all have a wonderful day in your world today.

Bella




Weigh-in: 190.0 lb lost so far: 95.0 lb still to go: 10.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (33 comments) on diet Make Peace with Myself   steady weight

12 August 2014

Tuesday.

I've been sitting here staring at that word for a while wondering 'why do I start my journals with the day of the week' and the best answer I can have is it helps me stay oriented. But then, every single 'day' of the week seems to have an emotion associated with it, doesn't it? Nothing like 'Monday' to immediately imply 'gah, it's Monday' whereas 'Friday' is like 'Whoohoo... it's Friday'. So .. I can either stop defining my journals or stop letting the day define my mood. Something to consider.

All Things Food? While it hasn't been a complete week, so no 7 day chip or anything like that.. I smiled at myself in the mirror this morning with the realization that I've actually gone through something in my life and not reverted to bad habits.

I committed a balanced action to regain my healthy eating.

Stop yawning. Normal people do this all the time. I've been so far from the neighborhood of normal most of my life even GPS couldn't get me there.

I was reflecting how back in 2006 when I lost that 'spark, enthusiasm and ambition' of my weight loss technique then, repeating what I did in 1995 despite THAT failing too, I would fight the binges back with more disorder. Starve, binge, and purge. Three of my least favorite but best well known dwarfs marching along with hungry, deprived, angry and desperate. But, that didn't work. Binge and purge morphed into starve and binge followed by .. 'well, the hell with it... binge'.

I'd fill the fridge with more low fat, no fat, lean quisine's and try to cut my calories down to 500 or less. And I'd count every single blasted calorie - even a stick of gum. Obsessing, calculating, weighing hourly, and driving myself mad with self hatred and ugly talk in my head.

So for me last week to say 'okay, time to stop this over indulging and reclaim the agenda' and NOT do it with 'I'm not going to eat anything but a can of sauerkraut and a gallon of water daily for a month ::: and yes, I have lost weight doing that in the past but lost a bit of health and sanity with it too ::: was, in my world, a victory.
And to go to dinner Saturday night and not say 'well, it is dinner out...' and use that as another excuse to over indulge with the plan to just 'fast' on Sunday to balance it all out was another victory.

Do I have this perfected? Oh.. far from it. But I do feel much better. I've been terrified... well, terrified is a strong word.. but ... DREADING this part of my journey as I've written so much about how the terrible two's always took me down. I pray daily that the fact that I've not lost weight this time with my old habits will be the healing force to last me the rest of my life.

Or ... as I commented on someone's journal the other day ...



Thank you for stopping to visit with me. Comments always welcome. No restrictions apply. Sorry, we don't take credit cards.

Bella

Saw this today ~ absolutely loved it.



And I liked these thoughts for the day:







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