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08 November 2014

Well, I could certainly sense your good juju today - not a fortune but some decent trades. Food wise I was better with portion and mindfulness today. A constant series of ‘Yes...But’ such as:

*Yes I had a sausage & egg burrito BUT I ate it slowly and mindfully
*Yes, I gave into intoxicating scent of BBQ & potato salad BUT it was a very tiny serving - so small he didn’t want to charge me
*Yes, I had a cocktail while I soaked in the tub this eve BUT it was only one

It goes without saying ‘no structured exercise BUT a lot of lifting and standing all day. Plus a few trots with Mushy in our free time.

Mostly unrelated but it does fit in here as I tend to eat when I feel physically or emotionally threatened - my stalker (weirdo guy who wrote my name on money) was there BUT regardless, I didn’t overeat, swallow my nerves or try to grow my outer shell of protection. It helped to have Number One Grandson with me today, all 6'3” of him.

Plans to go to an outdoor art fair with Grace tomorrow. That should have a lot of walking. Writing that reminded me of the great smell of food outdoors. Will exercise mindfulness and enjoy it all with more than just eating.

Have a wonderful Sunday. I’m going to go try to pass out now.

07 November 2014

Packing for my last trade show of the year today so I need all of you to send good juju my way that it'll be a financial windfall to tide me over to 2015.

While you're at it.. send me logic too, okay? Food - made the most wonderful discovery on my own yesterday with 'clean out the fridge' chicken stew. I added the leftover baked apples from the Saturday porkchops. Incredible Taste!! I enjoyed the delusion I'd created something new for the remainder of the day. A simple google this morning proved I just ain't that creative at all. But I loved it. Having a cup of it for lunch today.

Great healthy stew for lunch yesterday. Went to yoga class. Then Yoga asked me if I wanted to stop at the pub for a glass of whine... yeah, in her case, that is spelled right. I think she really needed to vent.

What kind of BAR has triple layer chocolate cake with chocolate frosting on the counter? The one we went to. I decided the sugar would be about the same on cake or wine and went for the cake. Like the apple delusion - don't spoil it for me. I'll look it up tomorrow.

I could certainly feel a difference in the yoga as I've added weight and lost some strength. I paid for the rest of the month and will do my best to attend. It will help.

Plans to go to an art show with Grace on Sunday; am really looking forward to it. My own art around here is a bit stagnate. Well, that's not accurate. I'm procrastinating finishing some of the creations. Lately I'm enjoying painting acrylic onto glass (using those frames) in a way of 'abstract stained glass'. It's actually not bad - pardon my ego - and back lighting them with animated twinkle lights make it very portable and utilized even when the windows are at a minimum. I've just been in a funk the past couple of weeks.. it'll come back.

It's probably because my focus is on looking for interesting ideas for appetizers for Cutty's Memorial. Things I can prep ahead of time. Pinterest to the rescue. Lots of ideas ~ will probably test run a few next week in preparation.

Well, that's about it. Lunch is over here. Need to return to and finish packing. Hope you're having a wonderful day in your world today.


06 November 2014

No theater movie yesterday - the dreary cloudy day influenced me to stay home and nurture myself quietly - but the multiple 'go for it' suggestions in your comments have me reconsidering it again for today.

Like that poor old tiger, I relaxed into a very long soak in hot soapy bubbles by 5:30 and was in bed by 7:30. No dinner, just leftover chili for a late lunch. I've since dumped the remainder as either the whole 'aggravation' connected to it or some specific spice in it caused acid reflux to interrupt my peaceful slumber. Fortunately a ginger ale and an apple settled that symptom and I’ve now enjoyed five decent nights of sleep in row. I woke this morning with a new sense of strength; ready to face the day.

All things food - not perfect but not off the rails bad. I’ll take it. A dear friend reminded me of all of the history swirling around from this time last year. I’m not sure if she was encouraging me to be aware and kind to myself or to dispense the same patience with others but the realization of that fact softly struck within me the need to do so.

I've often pondered that the whole 'year of mourning' for widows isn't totally about grieving; it's also an unwritten code that we are to be allowed a wide berth for our screw ups, public AND private, as we adjust to this different direction in life. I've forgiven myself several times playing the 'new widow' card.

While I've never lost my Father, and I doubt I'll grieve the same way when he does pass because we have no relationship, I must acknowledge that some of Blondie's shortcomings with our relationship could be influenced by the same situation. So I'm going to mentally print out a stack of 'get out of jail free cards' and begin dealing them whenever I feel slighted by her. I think a 1000 or so should get me thru the rest of November.

You know, that would be nice product wouldn't it? Print them up with neat little Ghandi & Buddha sayings about 'forgiveness' and package them. No need to give them to the one by whom we feel slighted; just keep placing the card on the bottom of the deck and move on. It could be the next pet rock. Feel free to use it and link me your website if you develop it.

This renewed sense of peace and acceptance returned to me last night as I recognized how grateful I was that Stick and I were able to lower the foot of the bed so I could sleep peacefully the next few nights until the replacement motors arrive. I am truly blessed, and it's nice to be reminded. It is a bed, a big one, in a very decent home. Complaining about the bed malfunctioning is definitely a first world problem, isn't it?

Well, the movie will have to wait for another day as, inspired by several journals here, I've decided to resume the Yoga class. So, another step forward. Baby steps. I'll take 'em.


05 November 2014

My day since posting the journal this morning:

*Tried two different 'cool things' as shown on pinterest; one was to do latte art in coffee and another was to make an egg completely yellow by breaking the yolk in the shell prior to boiling. Both failed.

*Multiple phone calls to support department on repairing the bed; at least 3 of the 5 techs I spoke to all sounded like that girl who would begin each sentence 'this one time at bandcamp'.

*Stick came by and helped me remove the foot motor so I could at least get the bed flat until the new parts come in so that's a relief as it will probably be next week before it arrives.

*Email from Blondie wanting to do chili 'tonight' - I haven't responded. Am considering going to see 'St. Vincent' on the afternoon matinee. Alone. Just slip down in the seat with popcorn (yes, popcorn) and lose myself in the darkness & big screen for a while.

*Chili for lunch and of all things craving a real Coke; had it. Weird. Probably first soda in a couple of years. Hopefully the last.

*Fought the urge to cry twice today. Just one of those days.

If I don't go to the movie I may just take my hot bath early. Feeling a lot like this poor old tiger today.

05 November 2014

Edit: browsing for inspiration - saw this and wanted to share

Thanks everyone for the kind and supporting comments. I first thought I wasn’t all that upset about it but then I ate both slices of the pie so apparently I was; or just casting for a reason to eat them. That’s done. Here’s to another day to trying to be better.

I was reflecting on the challenges that have been presented to me in the past year as I lay on the floor trying to fix my bed around 2am. The leg portion of it locked in full incline and I couldn’t release it; thankfully it’s only on one side and I will call the company today. I hate being awake at that time of the night; everything always seems so sad anyway. A review of the issues flew through my thoughts like a bad movie. It wasn’t pretty.

But as I say about eating, food, exercise, and life in general.. it could always be worse. This too shall pass.


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