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04 November 2014

All in all my gold star yesterday took a ding before I finally closed my eyes last night; while picking up a few things at Big Lots I spied the canisters of Jordan Almonds and the third time I put one in my cart, I gave in. My apology to the stockers there ~ you have no idea the lengths I go to in order to discard unwanted (well, correction, not needed) items; besides, maybe someone will see them in housewares or automotive and be unable to resist - and I helped sell them. There, that's my rationalization. So I had a few at bedtime; a tiny tarnish.



Will try to repeat the mindfulness again today. So far so good although all things considered I should be face down in brownies. Checking on a roast I found the flame from the burner had gone out and .. well.. just gas spewing from the stove. I turned it off; counted my blessings ( am still counting!) opened the doors and pulled out the slow cooker. This has never happened; no idea 'why' or 'how'. None of the usual suspects - nothing boiled over, no major breeze, nothing. I'm puzzled. Gremlins. Mean ones. But I'll focus on my Guardian Angel who saved me.

Not once in 'that' moment did the 'oh, I had Jordan Almonds' or 'oh, if only another 10lbs off' ever occur to me. Merely 'thank you thank you thank you .. oh my goodness.. thank you'. Certainly places life back into perspective.

WILL I wander into brownie fudge sundae land never to be found here again? No. I remind myself that while it's easy to rationalize 'we all still die regardless of our health' I remember it's important to try to be healthy while I'm here. Just in case I don't die today.

Well, golly - this is a bit morbid. Sorry about that. Overcast and raining here today. But the temps are in the mid 60's so that's nice.

Life is good. Hope yours is as well. Have a wonderful day.

Bella

03 November 2014

I am Rockin' the Mindful Eating Today! Giving myself a gold star at 2pm as incentive to finish out the day; well earned as I joined Grace's church group for 'Ladies who Lunch' and was seated next to Teacher Face. We dined at a soup / salad / pie buffet and I actually put a small amount of the various salads on my plate and TASTED (( and enjoyed!)) each slowly instead of my recent M.O. of shoveling in food while considering seconds. Huge baked potato - brought over half of it home for dinner or lunch tomorrow.

Free pie (yeah, seriously) and I brought it (chocolate turtle) & a second slice (chocolate meringue) to share with a new friend but she can't make it. Ah well, more opportunities to practice and firmly cement the regained mindfulness. But I did hide it behind the yogurt & chia seeds in the fridge. I need all the help I can give myself.



Yesterday was total rest & recovery day. The 'child' in me glanced out the door at the cool Autumn weather with ambition but the adult in me curled up on the sofa with a quilt and took two naps. I still slept well last night; chemically enhanced after a bit of leg wrestling but sleep indeed. Naps for me are like Wolf Brand chili ... few and far between.

My new friend, a lady I met in the shop this morning, turned out to be one of those people who could have been telling 'my' story; we even have the same name! She too has lost her husband of 20+ years to COPD within the last year; has less than admiral stepchildren, and more. I invited her to join us for lunch but she was delayed at the bank and didn't make it. Maybe another time.

I loved that the buffet is within walking distance of me and am grateful I am healthy enough to walk there without discomfort. There is just something so 'healthy' feeling about walking toward a destination rather than driving. I also discovered Yoga lives less than two miles from me and will be perfect for bike riding when I go visit her. I MAY check out two-wheel bikes as she does have a dog and I am overly protective of Mushy. I left the door open yesterday so that she felt grownup enough to lounge on the chaise outside at will but somehow she managed to pick up something that made her sick. But she's better today.

That's it for now. Happy Monday to all. Here's to an extraordinary week for all of us.

Bells

02 November 2014

I managed to get in several hours of decent sleep thank goodness. By the time Mushy and I did crawl into bed I was fried. Whoops… steamed, there, that’s healthier. Ha.

BCF visited and I decided yesterday was to be a ‘pampering nurture day’ for her. She is the caretaker of two and it is indeed draining as I well know. So I set up a table with linens, etc., in for dining and served the pork chop apples with potatoes, asparagus, corn muffins, cherry cobbler and wine. We walked around downtown after lunch, stepping in theaters and boutiques for a while. When we returned home I helped her into my jacuzzi (she’s still a little unstable recovering from her fractured hip) that I’d filled with oils and epsom salts.



Later we went over to Yoga’s for wine & cheese and then the three of us went to the ‘Noctoberfest’. It was quite enjoyable. A jacuzzi for me afterward as I contemplated all the food I’d consumed and it was ‘lights out’.

Something has flipped in me and I want it to flip back. I reflected on my fully loaded plate of German food with ‘oh my gosh, this is fabulous.. would it be rude to go back for seconds’ but FORTUNATELY I’d taken the first seat in next to the wall so I wasn’t able to slink out of there without making everyone move. And with that, I was able to sit still and realize I was full. More than full. But STILL when they came around delivering dessert I took the larger slice of German Chocolate Cake instead of the smaller.

What is that? That emotion? I know it. I’ve lived it. But I thought I’d discarded it. Portions? Cravings? Gluttony? And how do I turn it back around. Do I need to fast a few days to get my body back on track? Like my Angel, I am going to be knee deep in curiosity about myself as I reach for food. What is going on that I immediately look at a plate, before ever touching the food, and think ‘well, that can’t be enough.’

Still much work to do. I’m grateful for this day I’ve been given to do it.

Bells


01 November 2014

Days under RDI & Days Eating Mindfully (DURDI & DEM): 1

Hey, I’ll take it. Especially in reflection of the two preceding ‘Friday Lunch Fails’ plus yesterday being THE candy holiday of the year. Mushy and I rode the bike down to the square to check in on the Halloween events.

The band was okay but the crowd was too much. I get that this is safer than going door to door but bored little costumed kids standing in line to get their prepackaged bags full of candy just sucked the whimsey of the holiday right out of me. Where were the giggles? The shrieks of delight? Now they just slump and play games on their Iphones. Yep, I’m too old for this modern generation.

The aroma of popcorn was great though - always is, isn’t it? Just something about the scent of food outdoors can drive a reformed eater to madness. I decided though instead of slumping in line with the munchkins I’d just come home & have some Orville Redenbacher's on the sofa.




But once inside and warm, I regained my resolve and had soup. Then an apple. And finally, just to try a healthy recipe I found online - a chocolate mug cake under 100 calories. Not bad at all. Healthy recipe experimenting has kicked off on a positive note. Of course, reading recipes can be treacherous as it results in me wanting start creating at 2am but I shall approach that with the ‘all things in moderation’ mantra as well.



Not great sleep last night - I’m going to have to phone the doc about the legs. I find myself desperate and mixing up a late night makeshift cocktail of muscle relaxers and pain pills just to make it go away long enough to fall asleep. Crazy. Finally crashed a little after midnight and have been up since 3am. It’s gonna be a long day.

BCF is expected today; some business, some social. I’m serving Apple Pork Chops and asparagus. Will browse for another healthy dessert to try and offer. Later we are meeting Yoga and going to an Octoberfest at Grace’s church. Well I guess as it’s today it’d be a Noctoberfest.

This is the last weekend for Farmers Market so I guess Mushy & I will go see if there’s anything interesting to add to our luncheon today ( or tomorrow ). That’s about it for now. Hope you’re having a wonderful Saturday in your world today. I shall try to have one in mine.

Bella




31 October 2014

Happy Halloween! On a Friday no less - double bonus! Mushy and I will go to the Halloween on the Square this eve - vendors, booths, bands, and unless that freaky Texas weather thing happens it'll be cool enough for her to enjoy.

As today kicks off non-stop holidays for the next two months let's turn our scales back 10lbs when we turn the clocks back an hour this weekend, shall we?



Well, I thought I'd gone on full tilt when I couldn't find 'butter creme frosting' in the food diary. I thought 'I've finally eaten something no FS'er would eat!' Yeah, it's been that kind of 24 hours. But I did find something similar and will use that. AT least it wasn't as bad as I'd anticipated. But not as well as I'd like to report.

Yesterday started well but imploded around noon when I thought I could actually create and bake 'bacon, onion, garlic, cheese knots' and not eat half the pan if I were here unsupervised. Lesson learned - do those creative baking attempts in the evening when B's crew can come get them.

Lesson two has to do with baking desserts. For me the safe word will be DON'T! Not right now as I found myself incapable of resisting homemade cinnamon rolls topped with Dulce de Leche icing.

Lesson three would be once I do trust myself baking desserts again extra left over icing needs to be poured out. Storing the extra in the fridge for baking something else in the future seems innocent but turns ugly real fast.

So ... I'm doubling the water intake today to help flush out the sugar. Tuna for brunch. So far I'm doing well. I'm working on my 'event' projects and later if I take a break from that I'll browse online for healthy holiday dish recipes; something to utilize my creative drive in the kitchen without kicking my blood sugar into overdrive or my weight loss off the cliff.

And this is why I journal. Writing this just now I recognize I've not really done this much of that this journey; I've been working more on the emotional part of eating, mindful eating, portion control and 'real food, good food, just not too much of it'.

But I think in my endeavors to not fall into my disordered eating traps I've gone a little far to the left on the choices. I know the guideline is 'don't eat anything your Great-Grandmother wouldn't recognize' but then again that woman seemed to subsist on coffee and cigarettes. I did not grow up in healthy kitchen homes.



So while I'm not going to start gliding back into the processed 'fat free' stuff, I'm going to look for lighter ways to cook. This may be the thing that helps me get thru the next year ~ get a few really good dishes under my belt that won't make my belly billow over it.

Wishing all of my wonderful friends here a safe & happy evening. Watch out for the tricksters.

Bella


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