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18 May 2017

Thursday - May 18th. The Diatomaceous Earth Food arrived today and I just took my first ‘dose’. I put the recommended tablespoon amount into cranberry juice and drank it quickly as all other reviewers commented that it tastes bad. I didn’t have a problem with it but then again I flung it to the back of my throat like a cowboy drinks whiskey in those western movies.

Then I googled if mixing it with anything other than water was ‘wrong’ and found others use juice too, yogurt, and one even uses in their bulletproof coffee so that’ll be interesting. I am FIGHTING the habit I learned from my Mother ...i.e., “if a little is good a whole lot is better.” If the Tylenol label reads “adult dosage = 2” she would take 6. And I adopted those habits early in life. No wonder I don’t understand ‘suggested single serving’.

All Things Food yesterday? Off the wall irrational. I had ordered the food box delivery from someone new - this time, “Plated” but forgot to put the “Home Chef” delivery on hold so a lot of food arriving just as I was leaving for the four days away. I returned home to two cooked meals and four to still be cooked PLUS an irrational craving for pinto beans.

So I crawled out of bed yesterday on a mission and cooked one of the meals then tossed the rest of the meats into the freezer and started assessing the vegetables to be frozen or used alternative methods; one was a pasta dish and I felt it would be better without the spicy sausage. At the same time I put a pot of beans cooking and baked a pan of cornbread. The two cooked meals were vacuum sealed for the freezer. All this in the 45 minutes I had before dressing and opening my shop.

Now, with all that what did I have for lunch? Cereal. I can’t get out of my own way sometimes. In all of my cooking frenzy I never got my BPC and water didn’t hold weird cravings at bay. I put the rest of the beans and cornbread in the freezer last night; there’s a chicken and vegetable dish in the fridge; I think that my be my lunch when I get around to it. And I have no excursions planned so I’ll get around to cooking the meals that arrived yesterday.

But for now the future deliveries are on hold. I have much food to be consumed for the sake of not being wasteful. Plus with summer here t am quite content with the fresh veggies. Which means I’m ignoring the ‘colon healing advice’ from Domino but I am just not comfortable with the idea of no raw vegetables. I haven’t abandoned the body scan idea. Just moving slowly.

This may be my shortest journal ever. My ‘real’ nails kept peeling and flaking so I had a fresh set of acrylics put on the other night. Now I’m learning to type with nails all over again.

16 May 2017

Mond… nope, Tuesday, May 16. First day back so a little disoriented to the calendar. In fact, last Friday I had to confess I’d completely forgotten how to calendar because Yoga mentioned my out of office recording indicated I wouldn’t return until the 23rd. Yikes!!!! Wouldn’t that be great to get away that long? Never done a two week vacay in my life. Something for the bucket list.

So roadtrip with Blondie, cabin in the hills of Arkansas, ATV (side by side) trails Saturday, lot’s of rest and relaxation otherwise. We got rain on the way up but the rest of the time was fabulous and so cool and nice (and remote) I was quite comfortable without air conditioning and even slept with the doors and windows open. My room opened onto a screened in wrap around porch. At 2 in the morning I would have to shut the doors and windows because I was cold. Yeah, me, Queen of the hot flashes and all.

All Things Food? Meh. Not that great. There was a vegetable stand just south of town that had the most incredible produce I’ve seen in a long while. Tomatoes as big as softballs, nice and sweet too. Cucumbers and yellow squash and onions, oh my. I bought enough to make a huge fresh salad every day there so I DID get my veggies and fruit. However, I forgot ‘other veggies’ so no morning juice and yeah there were the S’mores and Burgers and Sandwiches so … just, Meh.

I did have the bulletproof coffee Fri - Sun and it helped with ‘imagined’ appetite but I was in a hurry packing and skipped it yesterday so … I was like a ravenous bear on the trip home. Nothing was curtailing my feeling of hunger. So there’s that. Maybe it’s mental; maybe it’s genuine. I had the BPCoffee and a banana this morning. Just now thinking about something to eat at 2pm. Probably a couple of boiled eggs.

However, I have recognized the first rule of BPCoffee is you don’t TALK about what makes it BP. Because ONCE the BPC Virgin hears the explanation you get the ‘OMG, butter in Coffee’ face and even though it’s completely emulsified and canNOT be tasted the virgin swears they ‘can’. I’ve tried to introduce both Yoga and Blondie to it. FAIL. Oh well.

They are just not open or adventurous. I’m the opposite. At a Dim Sum restaurant I recently tried the steamed chicken feet. I won’t order it again because it’s just way too much work to pick out the very little meat present on all those bones. It’s too much like crawfish or snow crab; love it but too much work. But at least I can say ‘I tried it.’

I’m actually on the verge of trying something recommended to me by a dear friend here: Diatomaceous Earth Food Grade Powder - 5 Lb. Fossil Power Brand. For Human and Pet Use. Amazingly Effective Multipurpose Powder for Internal and External Organic Use or With Dusters. I know it reads insane but I’m desperate enough to try anything. So I’ll go from finally figuring out how to NOT make my juice taste one step above lawn clippings to consuming something that is also used to keep fleas & ticks off pets?? Suddenly the castor oil treatments I was doing don’t seem so odd.

But if this works, it’s gonna be freaking awesome. The reviews are really good online.

√ SUPERIOR: Highly effective internal cleansing agent for the body, It's the real thing, with a multitude of uses for the household. With naturally powerful effects, our premium DE is a powerful detoxifier and INTESTINAL HELPER
√ BONUSES: Hair grows fuller and faster, nails become stronger (and STOP peeling), your teeth won't ache every time you drink something hot/cold, your face will clear up, you'll have more ENERGY, your mood will be enhanced, It may also COMPLETELY kill your sugar and bread cravings
√ EDIBLE EARTH: Safe for human and animal consumption; ours comes from one of only four food-grade US sources; amazing versatile powder that can be used for countless applications
√ PET'S BEST FRIEND: Numerous application for your dogs, cats, and horses, both externally and internally
√ MINERAL RICH AND PURE: It is composed primarily of silica and is all natural, with no additives, contaminants or other chemicals. Packaged in an FDA compliant facility

So, will let you know when it arrives and results ~ positive or negative.

12 May 2017

Friday - May 12th

Well, my birthday came and went. It was a really nice day. BCF surprised me with croissants, chicken salad and seafood salad. Also, a small succulent plant arrangement, a birthday cake large enough for 4 and a fried cherry pie. Blondie stopped by with a couple of red velvet cupcakes. My housekeeper (who is also my friend) brought the cherry pie, I'd requested of course, but also a floppy brimmed sun hat and a bamboo plant. Later that day one of my adopted sons (not legally, just someone who's around a lot and calls me Mom) brought me tulips and a card. I'm truly blessed.

Food realization yesterday - I do believe there is something done to the Mayo in a squeeze bottle that completely compromises the taste and flavor as compared to the Jar. I'd bought those squeeze bottles for convenience for years and every time I'd use it I'd think my sense of taste was going out. Last time I purchased Mayo they only had the jar. Night & Day. Seriously night & Day.

Yeah yeah yeah, I don't need to be liking mayo BUT the point is ... if I'm going to have some, a little bit that's enjoyable and tasty will go farther than something tasteless that doesn't satisfy the craving leaving me foraging for 'something else.'

So I just loaded the car - Blondie and I are heading out today for our "Mother's Day slash My Birthday" combo weekend. This is the only weekend of the year I'll compromise my lodging preference so we're going to a cabin in the woods near ATV trails. If we were Green Acres she'd be Douglas, I'd be Olivia. Give me sidewalks and energy. But it's nice to unwind; watch her unwind a little. In the hierarchy I'm the 'supreme' Mother but I consider it my motherly duty to give her a chance to heal and recover from her 24/7 of wife & teenage kids. Yeah, yeah, I'm a saint, LOL.

On the other hand I've noticed a bit of self centered behavior on her part so I've printed out a list of 100 Random Acts of Kindess and have told her I want to try to do at least five on the trip up; five more on the return. Then again I may request daily ... she can do some random kindness for her old mom here.

Blindman came to see me yesterday for my BD; he couldn't come 'the day' because he was working that day and it was PsychoGal's BD too. We went to a casino and that lucky kid won over $1800; I made him give me $1k of it for his savings account that I manage for him. I wanted to get it out of his hands before PsychoGal siphoned it off him with another of her hidden dramas.

Well, I guess I'd better rattle Blondie's cage... she was due over here ten minutes ago. I consider being late a sign of disrespect. I may make her walk behind the car the first five miles.

Y'all have a good weekend.

10 May 2017

Wednesday - May 10th.

'They say it's your birthday..... it's my birthday too...' The Beatles

Yes, today is my birthday. Now here's the totally freaky unbelievable boy do I ever wish Jimmy the Greek were still alive today to lay the freaking odds on this coincidence. Ready?

I'm not sure if I ever shared before that Cutty's ex-wife, Blondie's birth mom, and I shared the same birthday. I thought that was an incredibly odd coincidence. The first year we married he forgot it but I gave him some slack because we'd just married 10 days before and returned from the honeymoon.

The second year he missed it I sort of lost my cool screeching, 'Oh, for heaven's sake... the gal who had my job before me had the same freaking date! It's not like you had to learn a new one! Now get your act together!'

Of course, I was in my 20's then so birthdays were still a big deal. As I slid thru into my 30's, 40's, and 50's... well, I didn't feel the need to remind people so much.

After all, how was I supposed to lie about my age if they kept remembering another birthday had passed??

It's a Southern thing.

Side story: I no longer lie about my age so today I am 56 ... sometime in the past year someone asked my age and I said 'I'm the speed limit' obviously FORGETTING it had been raised from 55mph. The young girl looked at me at said, "You sure don't look 75!" Duh.

Anyway ... back to today and wanting to resurrect Jimmy the Greek. Are you ready? Are you sitting down? Are you in a safe place to absorb this next news?

Today is PSYCHO-GAL's BIRTHDAY TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I kid you NOT!!!

So here we have three women in the same 'family circle' so to speak with the same birthday. I look at the two of them (Blondie's Mom was a nutcase too ... Oy, the stories I could tell on her ) and think 'okay, they are total crazies... how did *I* be the sane one????

Hello... Vegas?? Get me Jimmy Junior.

Anyway - I have a carrot, apple, pineapple & knick-knack juice... sipping on it.

But I will confess, I woke with the oddest craving: Cherry Pie. That was a Cutty thing. I am not really big on pies to crave one. I'll eat desserts if they are around but rarely seek them out.

But since it's MY BIRTHDAY (MINE MINE ALL ALONE I'M NOT SHARING WITH THOSE TWO OTHERS!!!) I texted my housekeeper (as today was her regularly scheduled day) and asked her to please pick one up at the bakery she passes on her way here. And she did.

So Cherry Pie and Carrot juice. What a combo.

08 May 2017

Monday - May 8th - Ho Ho Here we go. Another week to do better, be better, make a difference. This will likely be a really really long journal because I did have several ‘aha’ moments this weekend and want to get them all recorded. Read, don’t read, your option.

I’m in my shop two hours early waiting on the washer repairman who was supposed to have been here a half hour ago. Inhale and exhale … it’ll be fine … projecting image of neatly folded clean laundry versus that unholy pile of … inhale, hold it… exhale. Whew.

Veggie juice beside me and half finished within the half hour - this morning is beets, carrots, granny smith apple, pineapple, blueberry and all the knick-knacks (chia, flax, maca, coconut oil and ginger juice.) And I’m happy to report it’s ‘good’. Much improved over ‘drinkable’.

Experimenting this weekend yielded the realization that the ‘one step above lawn clippings taste’ only happens when spinach is one of the ingredients. So despite the gazillion juice videos online displaying spinach as the main ingredient I’m going to have to get that particular vegetable in a different method. As I love spinach slightly wilted in the skillet with peppers and onions that’s not an issue.

So now I think I’ll go pickup some broccoli, brussels sprouts, maybe green peas, green beans, other veggies to try to ‘get my green on’ in the juice. I’m even planning on taking the nutribullet to the cabin this weekend. Maybe for the juice; maybe for the frozen adult beverages. Hey, what happens in the cabin stays in the cabin.

Preparing for the trip I had the most delightful ‘aha’ ~ I was packing the knick-knacks and decided ‘instead of three different containers for the chia, flax & maca I’ll just combine equal parts and over the three days it’ll all work out”. And then I stood there and released a loud ‘well, Duh, of Course!’ that even startled Mushy.

I’m OCD. I can’t stand cluttered cabinets or surfaces even when it’s canisters full of healthy stuff waiting for the morning lab experiment. So the ‘duh’ was: “Well, Gee, Bells, if you can mix this up for the weekend, why not mix it up for the week?” Canisters on the surface reduced. Palm sweat decreasing.

Most of the weekend was moving just enough so people wouldn’t worry I’d died. I am going to try yet another Pinterest idea of mixing the oils lavender, magnesium and eucalyptus and spraying that on the soles of my feet at bedtime; it’s supposed to promote sleep (a commodity much needed!). I may even try the one about the sliced onion which is supposed to do the same on top of detox, heal, and I think repair bad credit. That one will be harder. I will instinctively kick socks off at night. That is too gross to contemplate finding onions on my sheets.

But that’s how desperate I am. All the sleep aides, luna, st John’s wort, melatonin, etc., you name it I’ve tried it. I have to find a way to get more than two hours a night. I know this is bad for my health.

The Sound Immersion Bath Friday night…? Well, it was a little challenging but I’m pleased that rather than running for the hills as I wanted to I stuck it out and managed to crawl away with a technique for ‘dealing’.

To begin with, the floor reeked of PineSol and not the new fresh scented flowery fruity modern smell but that old one bringing memories of hospitals flooding back to me. Yoga Girl swore she couldn’t smell it and suggested I was confusing it with the incense. I was not. I know this for a fact because once out of the ‘studio’ and back in the common area I no longer had difficulty breathing and my headache went away. It was a little uncomfortably warm at first but eventually cooled down.

But in effort to be mindful (and unlike the instructor I’m NOT going to bore you with mind numbing explanations of being mindful. If you’re new to planet earth and haven’t heard this phrase uttered in the past five seconds … well, just google it. I could barely contain myself from drumming on the floor and other fidgeting moves during this part.) I worked to block all of that out.

Finally the drums, bowls, sounds began. I put on my sleep mask and inserted my earplugs (to soften what Yoga Girl had warned could be really loud and thankfully she did because it was!) And began my own mindful exercise aka known as ‘quieting the monkey mind’. This is so challenging for me.. I feel like have a gorilla gourd.

So I would start at the top of my head and take a full ‘in the moment’ inventory head to toe. How did I feel right then, etc. Hot, nauseas, aggravated, uncomfortable. But eventually I’d work through the list up and down concentrating especially hard when the noises were louder. I know the ‘explosive’ parts were intended to be energizing but all I wanted to do was yell ‘knock it off!’

But I finally realized I was not so aware of the sounds. I’d began meditating so deeply that for a brief time (maybe only a few minutes) I was no longer hot, nauseas, etc., I was just ‘out there’. I was no longer aggravated by the noise. I was mentally flatlined beyond imagining my body, breathing and space. It was actually relaxing.

Eventually I did return to the ‘now’ and was most relieved when it ended before I turned over on my stomach and started reading news off my phone or something. I feel a half hour of that would have been enough for newbies. But the technique did stay with me even to the point that when we were having dinner later I didn’t even notice the crying baby in the restaurant. Yoga Girl pointed it out and I had to think and acknowledge the sound.

Point? I guess when it seems the TV or music in the next room is too loud, neighbor mowing the yard at 6am on a Saturday morning, etc., this practice in mindful meditation could be used to keep the blood pressure low and screaming at bay. So another positive ‘aha’.

Well, the repair guys have been here and gone. I think for a bit I looked like a desperate lonely old gal crying wolf… in other words the washer was working again. I was told ‘oh, we believe you… it is mostly likely the bearings going out and sometimes they catch ( the ‘tub’ wouldn’t spin out and wring the clothes ) and sometimes they don’t until it goes out eventually. So I have a new set coming tomorrow. As the washer is nearly 20 years old and the dryer at least half that, I’d been wondering when this would happen. Now, Bella, now. I’d half expected the dryer to go out first. It worked, but was making horrible screeching noises. I guess it’s time.

So the final ‘aha’ moment came up with Yoga Girl. Over the past year I’ve been acutely aware of an unpleasant increase in her refusal to ‘not sweat the small stuff’ and that was bleeding into finding fault in everything we experienced.

Lest you leap to the response ‘kettle kettle, black black Bella’ based on Grace’s recent unsolicited lecture on ‘my’ negativity over the San Antonio trip, not to worry. I acknowledged that fully during my discussion with Yoga.

We’re trying to form a ‘routine’. I don’t have any of those ala ‘we have a poker group that meets the third Tuesday of the month’ etc. I generally ‘HATE’ scheduled events as evidenced by the way I try to weasel out of them as the date approaches. But we decided the random spur of the moment just wasn’t good enough and wanted to do better.

So a couple of months ago we made an agreement to have Breakfast out the first Saturday of the Month. However, second month of this and we’d had two bad restaurant's (service, food) in a row and we were casting about for ideas on managing this. We discussed becoming amateur food critics and writing a blog.

But I could tell, especially based on her comment ‘we could do this every time, I can always find something to bitch about’ followed up with her suggestion to tag the Chamber of Commerce that my plan to download a few restaurant critique forms in effort to make us focus on what went ‘right’ had gone right over her head. I told her the blog sounded interesting as long as it was fair but I wasn’t going to approach it mean spirited.

That conversation morphed into about a four hour phone session (she phoned me later with her latest rant on something that I considered ‘small’) and I finally said (prefacing with the kettle/black comment and asking if she really wanted my opinion or just let her vent to which she replied she did want feedback) that I’d noticed a constant state of chewing away and allowing herself to be upset over every small detail that crossed her path.

I suggested some techniques for dealing with two situations that had her most aggravated and she phoned yesterday to tell me both had worked and she felt so much better. So I guess the ‘aha’ was … well, I’m not sure ‘what’ the aha was. Maybe it was a refusal to write a mean blog about a local restaurant no matter how much they needed it, LOL. Maybe it was helping my friend find a way recover some peace and grace in her life. Maybe it was finally getting to share my observation ‘of her’‘with her at a time when she was willing to hear it (after having bit my tongue repeatedly the past year…) - I’m sure there’s an aha about patience and timing in there. Maybe it was a reinforcement to me that I would now need to ‘walk the talk’ and keep my own negativity in check.

Maybe it’s time I put an end to this journal today.

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