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15 October 2014

Days without exceeding RDI: Zero. Ah well, we begin again. And again. And again. The secret to success is to get up one more time than I fall.

Won this at the auction last night. I just love it. It needs a name so let the suggestions commence.

I really liked it because I like this one - reminds me of the ways my sparrows have what I call the 'Morning Debates' where they gather and chatter up a storm.

I may have to give up the auction for a while though. Something happens when I get over there and see those HOME MADE cakes. Last week was the chocolate; last night was the carrot cake w/creme cheese and pecans. I lose my grip on the wagon and fall into the inch thick frosting.

I've considered taking a fresh sliced apple with me to nibble and reinforce my WOE but I can just imagine this happening:

So other than the glass bird I picked up a pair of really said looking wooden chairs. On the way home I bought paint stripper. This will be my very first time for something in this arena and I'm excited. Maybe it's just the fumes. Nah, haven't opened them yet. Didn't see this on the shelf but perhaps they don't carry it at Wally's.

Lunch today: liver & onions with mushrooms and spinach. Yum. I am hoping the iron helps - I really need to remember to start having this weekly.

Especially as I seem to have developed 'restless leg syndrome'. About midnight last night I found myself searching for a 'pill' to alleviate the discomfort. I have decided to try a few more natural things first like increasing my iron, making it a habit to soak in a warm bath every night, etc., instead of going straight for the drugs.

Massage this afternoon. I'm actually enjoying having moved that to every other week instead of weekly. Another recognition of 'all things in moderation - even the pampering'.

That's about it. Hope you're having a good day in your world today. I'm outta here.

14 October 2014

Sunny and cool Fall weather today - very nice. I was watching 'Killer at Large - Why Obesity is America's Greatest Threat' on Netflix last night. It's interesting and mixed with 'Heavy' on Amazon I'm getting a much needed refresher for focusing on my goal to make peace with myself and my health.

I haven't finished either but there was a comment on 'Killer' that certainly gave 'food' for thought. It was the recognition that fast food restaurants 'must know' the portions they serve are appropriate (spoken tongue in cheek) and therefore how can it be too much. In other words .. generations that grow up with the abundance of drive thru's take it for granted the 'meal sizes' are appropriate.

I also liked the information that we have to make about 200 food choices a day ranging from not just 'what' but how much, what to put with it, how we're going to eat it, prepare it, etc. I think for me this hit home because I do recognize the past few months I've been tired of so many decisions because I'm sure when I'm truly focused on healthy eating the daily decisions are probably up in the thousands. So much so that I'd fall asleep at night doing the CICO calculations.

In a ways it does seem like terrorism ( a reference made often throughout the documentary ) that we are being blasted from all directions to eat. It's not just side stepping the landmines in our own homes where it feels like we're surrounded by a group of really mean enablers bringing home those sweets, breads, etc. It's TV and magazines and the little pop up ads on the side of computer screens and magazines and more. Even products that aren't really related being combined with food - for example, my rant on the 'ice cream pedicure' gimmick. Chocolate scented candles. Sugar cookie bath scrub. Crazy stuff.

Where did this start? Is it a direct subliminal plot to render us all either so obsessed with fighting weight gain or just so oblivious to it all that we're left dejected and our focus depleted on the rest of the issues going on in the world?

Anyway - just a few thoughts. Today I am grateful for the sun; yesterday was a tough day of fighting the blues as I do when the days are cloudy. I'm grateful the other half of my protein shake was still tasty this morning as I didn't finish it yesterday and didn't want to waste it. And I'm grateful I have FS to visit with my friends, find inspiration and keep a running ramble of my thoughts.

Hope you all have a wonderful day in your world.


13 October 2014

And away we go… another week. Soft rain this morning and the top of my gratitude list includes little Mushy going potty anyway - my little girl is getting so grown up. I’ve even started leaving her out in the house (instead of a crate) when I leave her at home. We’re both adapting to this new life little by little.

Another day of mindful eating under my RDI under my belt. That’s several in a row but I’ll continue to take them one day at a time. Still no structured exercise but moved several pieces of furniture and as many trips up and down three flights of stairs yesterday so I’ll take it. Something had my legs aching enough to appreciate the hot tub with epsom salts last night.

I lowered my RDI to calculate losing a pound a week based on a sedentary lifestyle based on the FS calculations. I would be very content to lose a pound a month at this stage of the game if it was that instead of gaining. The recording will help me focus on the little calorie slips here and there as we head into what I consider the ‘Big Three’ of Food Holidays. Seems like it kicks off with Halloween and maintains a constant stream of Food in one way or another through the New Years resolutions of ‘time to lose weight’.

And that’s about it for now. Wishing you all a wonderful day in your world.


12 October 2014

Beautiful Sunday morning in Bellawood. Mushy and I are cuddled up in the recliner listening to a Bocelli album while enjoying the sound of the chimes from the backyard as our little birdies dine ( cool enough to open the doors and windows and get fresh air in here). Life is good.

Interesting discovery yesterday: I feel more healthy and want to continue feeling 'fit' when I wear form fitting clothes. Not tight jeans but yoga pants and a clingy tank; even when beneath a large overshirt. This may be common knowledge to all others already but it made sense to me why they put the contestants in those midriff sports shirts on TBL when I would have chosen a triple extra large T-shirt hanging to my knees to cover my body. There was some subliminal connection for me along the lines of ‘being proud of the body I have NOW enough to treat it well’ or something like that.

I started watching the A&E series ‘Heavy’ on Amazon the other night hoping to see that ‘spark’ and find that ‘new’ determination I always have the first year. I found it interesting it only followed the program the first six months and then one follow up at eight. I know, it’s one day at a time for me, but I also know for me I’m usually great the first 18 months. It’s now, the 24 plus that get’s sketchy. So the countdown continues to get out of the terrible two's without permanent damage.

I did write down and edit one of the phrases uttered; will probably print & frame it or maybe just write it with a pen on the palm of my hand daily for a while or both. ‘You’ve come too far to fall back to that place of Unhealthy.’ Unhealthy eating, thinking, and approaches. I have. I’ve come so far this time. I want to go farther. I want to continue to heal my disordered eating and find a peaceful balance with my health.

I was actually a little inspired watching the exercise. Not enough to get up and do anything intense because I know my own limitations physically with respect to my right knee and lower back. But I did keep turning off the show to get up and work on a project and walk around town more and I began thinking about finding an exercise buddy or contacting my friend to help me develop a routine. I keep thinking about the movie Outrageous Fortune where Midler used the things in the basement as exercise equipment.

I’ve had three days of ATF under RDI and one full day of mindful eating. I was intrigued to realize last night at the dinner theater just how far I had slipped away from portion control when I initially felt the servings were too small. Walking home I noted how my hunger was satisfied and I was proud of myself. I will remember that feeling.

The dinner theater was the opening production of a local refurbished Historical site. While I love theater, and of course, dinner, I’d had no plans to go because the tickets were expensive. However, my oldest grandson is currently working there as an usher so he scored a free ticket for me. Yay Nana as he could have given that ticket to anyone; his mom, his girlfriend, etc., but he gave it to ME. No wonder I love that kid.

So I dressed up in a new outfit I bought recently that really takes me out of my comfort zone: a knee length knit vest in a tiger print. I wore it over a black turtleneck and leggings and blinged it up with several long stranded necklaces and a metallic statement belt. Color me ‘grounded’ when I tripped on a curb walking to the theater and fell flat on my face. I wasn’t injured. I just ‘picked myself up, dusted myself off, pasted a smile on my face’ and continued.

I’d told BCF of going to the theater, alone, and she’d commented, “you? going alone?’ because she knows it was only a year ago that I finally worked up the nerve to dine out in a restaurant all by myself. So standing in the lobby with a glass of wine and wanting to feign interest in the art failed as there wasn’t any so I had to actually force conversation with strangers. I didn’t do that well; something happens when I’m out of my ‘shop’ element that renders me practically mute and incapable of small talk. But I’m working on it. Another step forward.

So other than that, I get my new desk today. I’ve had an old (but not antique) cheap desk in the shop for several years; the kind where the paper surface had mostly peeled off long ago, one of the drawers was broke, etc. A friend of mine finally decided to sell his beautiful ornate dark cherry classic wood desk at a time when I’d been seeking a ‘statement desk’ for quite some time. I’m finally making small modifications in the shop that are more ‘me’ and less Cutty and that desk was the start. Well, cleaning the dust and cobwebs (seriously, he’d get frantic when I touched ANYthing even though I ran that shop single handed for years… he’d watch on the closed circuit cameras and tell me I was making him nervous so I finally just let the surroundings stay as is) was the start. Adding a few vases of fresh cut and silk flowers was second. Replacing boxes with a chest of drawer to hold inventory was third. And now, my desk.

This probably sounds nuts (nothing new for me though) but I hope the desk isn’t cursed. I say that because the ‘huge gaudy diamond pawn shop ring’ I purchased in Hot Springs with my casino winnings did seem to be cursed. The two months I wore it ~ terrible. Once I sold it, things turned back around.

Then again, maybe they didn’t. I don’t know. I just know right now I’m ready to stick my plumber’s head in the toilet. We finally compromised on his chemical ruining the stainless steel finish of my kitchen sink by him not charging me for the job there but I had him working on TMP to get that water running properly again. He ran a new line Friday and THANKFULLY I went down there yesterday morning because his line upstairs LEAKED and went thru the floor, took out the ceiling tiles in two rooms, indoor pool, etc. At first I thought it was a roof leak because we had a bad storm Friday night but in a moment of stillness I thought ‘what if?’ and went up stairs. You probably heard me dropping F Bombs if you listened closely.

I think that’s it for now. Hope you’re enjoying your Sunday in your world today.


10 October 2014

Well, alrighty then. Friday. This week passed in a blur. A flurry of activity that left me feeling like I was mopping the deck of the Titanic. But for this brief moment of journaling I’ll pretend I’m relaxing on dry land. And I’ll put an end to the metaphors.

I found my handwritten journal from last year and surprise, surprise, I was having bad eating days then. So this has been going on for a year now off and on. Then again, maybe it’s just that constant ‘be mindful of it’ and my journals end up a combination of hopeful optimism after a quick confession of the imperfections. Maybe I’m just slumping along for a year now making a little progress with a little wake of back peddling. Dang, must be metaphor day.

My ‘lesson’ today (the box of self improvement suggestions I pick from when I feel I need an inspiration to get over another bump along my journey) reminded me to focus on the positive. So rather than my summary of yesterday reading ‘I have realized my eating totally sucks on days when I’ve not had a decent nights sleep’ I’ll rephrase it to share, ‘I’ve become aware that I maintain my mindful eating on days I waken rested,” Then again, maybe that chocolate cake I’d had at the auction would have tasted fabulous even to Rip Van Winkle.

And color me pleased that my insanity of a Baby Ruth bar followed by three ‘fun’ size almond joy’s left me with an aching stomach. How nice to have the Healthy Eating Angel punish me for punishing my body with an excess of foods devoid of nutrition.

I’m bored this afternoon. I want to go walk in the sun, have lunch at a sidewalk pub, have a conversation. Wait, there I go again. I’m enjoying the peaceful shaded surroundings of my shop as I listen to Duke Ellington on my Amazon Cloud. And I still have half a smoothie left to sip if I choose.

Life is good.


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