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20 October 2014

Ahh.. ambition and motivation... so fleeting with me these days. Is it weather? Age? All of the above? I was head down and knee deep on working up the fliers and contracts for the 'craft & collectible' shows I'm organizing at The Money Pit but when I stepped away for a moment.. yep.. my laptop rebooted itself. I do try to 'save' periodically but haven't the heart to look just this minute. After I get this journal up I'll take a deep breath and try again.

I didn't record food again yesterday ~ but it was a day of 1/2 cups of chili broth here and there followed by half cups of bean broth. Filling yet (I pray) not so calorically dense, again. Maybe I'm the dense one. Banana with melted peanut butter for evening snack. Seems as if I grazed all day but hopefully not so much damage.

A thought occurred to me last night as I continued working through the series 'Heavy' and that is the intense workout these participants are subjected to daily, esp at their extreme beginning weights of 300lbs and up. I get that exercise is good .. yes, although I don't DO much of it, I GET it... but I cannot drown out that voice in my head saying, "weight loss is 80% food, 20% exercise... so those folks dropping their meals from 3000 to 300 calories a meal alone is the hugest contributor to their weight loss".

However, I'm not pooh-poohing the method. I have been thinking about a trainer or workout buddy, a dependable, no excuses from either of us, git 'er done type buddy. I know it can be done alone but not by me. I've proven, time and again, that my self motivation dwindles quickly. And I wonder if THAT, the sheer exercise of healthy living, is the last piece missing from me 'keeping the weight off'. It may be that final 'spark' that keeps me in maintenance for the rest of my life.

My only deal breaker is 'no yelling'. I wouldn't take it. I'm not a whiner; I would work as hard as I physically could even it if meant throwing up (as they do) but not if some drill sergeant wanna be decides to treat me like we're at boot camp. I notice those folks leave via airplane when the six months is over (this is at Hilton Head in SC)

Anyway.. what else? Mushy is feeling much better, thank you; still a little hesitant on jumping up in the chair or bed - it's as if she's lost her confidence or something, I don't know - but eating better, more playful, and even had a bath yesterday. She's such a good baby. Maybe she's just getting older too.

And with that, I think I'll go check the chicken brewing on the stove. I think this is part of my motivation for giving food away all the time. I like the smell of something simmering all the time without filling up my freezer or wasting groceries. Someday I'll get to the point of 'one chicken leg & thigh smells just as good as five' but not today.

Dinner tonight with Grace & the Church Ladies. I think I'll take an hour before I go and meditate for peace, calmness and patience as well as the maturity to sit thru the catty comments, breathe and give them the benefit of the doubt, and look forward to meeting some very nice people. Inhale...

Hope you're all having a wonderful day in your world today.

Bella

Sharing some things going on around Bellawood:
That chair I repainted - maybe will redo really 'arty' some day:


Before refinishing:



After - yes, that's my dusty treadmill behind them...


Another little project I did - no before pic though - still looking for a base / dresser for it:


Some (of several) of the succulents around ... love propagating them:






One of the many pineapple's planted this summer:


And some of the flowers still blooming:



And the thing I tell myself multiple times a day:



19 October 2014

BEAUTIFUL Sunday morning here in Bellawood. Classical music in the background combining with the songbirds outside and tinkle of the windchimes. I’m so thankful for this morning and many other things.

Weird culmination of ‘date recognitions’ lately. I was stunned on Thursday eve to discover Blondie didn’t recognize ‘Boss Day’ - no wonder she isn’t loved at work, LOL. When I worked for Corporate America it was a huge ‘thing’ - we started planning a month in advance. It was almost a competition to have the boss who received the greatest ‘recognition’ from their team. It was like the Christmas of CA.

Then it finally occurred to me this morning why ‘Friday, Oct 17’ was tapping at my memory bank: it was the two year anniversary of joining Fat Secret. Oh, yeah, that. And how did I recognize it? By having a binge day of epic proportions. It didn’t START that way but I sure finished it that way; ways I just gave up recording once I exceeded RDI before noon. So that’s two Friday’s in a row off the rails … a day that’s usually TGIF is becoming “Oh No, it’s Friday” or ONIF? So I’m declaring right here, right now, next Friday is going to be better.

Although I know I must own my behavior and reactions I have to think what triggered the Friday binge was Yoga; and thinking about it she was the big factor in the previous binge Friday as well. So like with Blondie there is an underlying current of anxiety that I must adjust and overcome or unlike Blondie just eliminate her from my days. She’s a nice person and I do well when she visits me here but when we make plans outside my home she’s always late, erratic, etc., something that does not sit well with my OCD behaviour and obligations.

Friday afternoon she is ‘done for the day’ while *I* am taking time away from my shop, business, income, etc., to meet her for lunch. Friday was the third time I sat down at the restaurant and ordered without her because I needed to eat and get back on time. Yes, being the boss I can get back when I want but when there’s a sign on the door ‘back at 1pm’ I need to honor that in the event a customer is waiting or returning. So, I suppose the answer is, for now, no more Friday lunches ‘out’. We will need to shift that to a dinner when I’m more flexible and less stressed about my time. There.



I didn’t make it to helping Grace with her Church Rummage sale yesterday; Mushy was freaking me out, not eating, little water, doesn’t seem to be able to jump. I finally got her back on her legs, eating, tail wagging so I’m breathing better but not sure why she’s reluctant to jump (up into a chair). I know Thursday night she seemed to be kicking her hind legs a lot - and hate that she’s absorbed Mommy’s restless leg syndrome (which continues - the RLS OTC isn’t helping .. but at least a hot bath every night is offering a little relief for me.. maybe she needs the same?)

So I just stayed home - didn’t even venture out the front door to retrieve the newspaper. I played with my plants, created a couple of succulent arrangements for indoors, and refinished the sad little auction chairs in a deep mahogany to match the new desk in the shop. My first time to use a paint stripper and a my first ever ‘tool purchase’ - a sander!

And I made a pot of chili thanks to several of my FS buddies sharing they’d done the same last week. But I generally make my ‘broth to meat’ chili ratio something like 20:1; or as told someone once, “I’m mainly in it for the broth”. Hot and filling yet not so calorically dense.

So today I have a pot of beans brewing for Stick; he’s recovering from a heart surgery and .. oh heck, I just like cooking and sharing food; even without the ‘justified reason’. I’m going to make a decorative bird house .. again, just because.. something to do. I’ll probably just spend the rest of the day like yesterday - puttering around, resting in between, and being good to myself.



Hope you’re having a wonderful day in your world.

Bella



17 October 2014

DURDI = 2 and that includes a fabulous pork roast quesadilla (homemade) and a tiny serving of Chocolate Black Cherry frozen yogurt. Yay. Double yay considering Blondie came over last night for ‘dinner & movie’.



Afterward I started stripping one of the chairs; I think it’s going to turn out really nice. Some day. Strangest thing this morning - I was awake for a couple of hours before it occurred to me ‘It’s Friday’. I was just up putzing around as usual without any distinct markers acknowledged.

I may help Grace with her Church Rummage Sale tomorrow. She’s invited me, again, to ‘Ladies Night’ with her Church group on Monday. And yeah, this would include Miss Teacher Face in the mix. I’m going to try. I’ll probably be repeating ‘I’m not a child, she isn’t my teacher, deal with me’ throughout the entire evening. Or just make it a point to sit as far away as possible without being at a different table.



They (we?) are going to a Sushi bar so at least there’s that.



And really that’s about it, other than to thank you all for your kind comments and stopping by to visit me. I rarely ever comment on your comments but know that I do read and appreciate all of them.

Bells








16 October 2014

16 October 2014

Days under RDI (DURDI?) = 01. Yay. The liver & onions (sorry) did their usual appetite suppressing even to the point that 1) I put back the ‘girl scout candy bar’ that I picked up at the checkout counter and 2) chose a banana / yogurt / chia seed shake over ice cream. Yay L&O for getting me thru the day.



I picked up an OTC ‘Restful Leg’ tablet and perhaps that, combined with a hot jacuzzi and the banana shake at bedtime I didn’t have as much discomfort last night. One day at a time and now the same for nights. Or as my Angel shared: worry about nothing, pray about everything. I'm going to add 'be grateful for all of it'.

The oddest thing happened at the grocer yesterday. Just as I was approaching the checker a woman walked up in line behind me, nothing in hand, and just stood there, staring at the magazine shel. I smiled and nodded at her thinking she was just picking out some Juicy Fruit or reading headlines or something. About 2-3 items in on checking my basket a guy with a gallon of milk showed up and stood beside her.

So, oops, she was just holding the line for him and had I KNOWN that I would have let her go in front of me although I only had 20 or so items myself. I always do that. But then they stood there staring at my basket and leaning their heads together to whisper and smile.

‘What was so freaking amusing?’ my paranoid little mind asked. It just really bothered me to the point that I looked directly at them and asked ‘can I help you?’ but they were so involved with their nodding toward my basket they didn’t hear me. It was really freaking me out and I rarely get freaked out like that. And it cycled because I have been vigilant on paying attention to the register and nearly missed some sale items rang up incorrectly and snipped at the checker. So much so that the bag boy asked about me being upset on the way to the car - they know me and that’s so unlike me. I usually reserve my shrieking for the car.

But whatever it was.. I was just on a roll and basically drove home like this, mostly inside… some outside.. esp when I got behind the ‘we like to haul flatbed trailers on our truck but don’t feel the need to install brake lights’ parade:



Which was ironic as I’d just come from having a wonderful massage. Weird. Fortunately it passed quickly. And I guess I can consider ‘road rage’ some sort of aerobic exercise, yes?

So here’s to everyone having a Terrific Thursday, aye? Cheers.

Bella





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