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21 October 2014

I have to record this while it's fresh on my mind but before my head swells.. in the past 24 hours I've been called 'pretty blonde' and 'beautiful blonde' and been told I "have such a great personality - the kind that makes everyone I come in contact with feel special."

Color me ... feeling really good. And with the same 'sorry for the ego' ala Deb, I know it sounds like bragging but so be it. I've earned it with the changes I've been making in my life in ways more than just the scale.

To have someone tell me I have a wonderful personality that makes people feel good.. well.. that's the same person who years ago told me I had a really sh*tty attitude about things. So, I'm going to take it, savor it, and enjoy it. I wanted to get these people to put it in writing for me ... but I'll stick w/the memory of it. So there.



Another NSV recognized this morning - returning a pair of boots because they gave me blisters. I've always been hesitant to return things .. and heaven know's I'd limp all the way to Canada just because my boots were cute. But no more. Yay me and this maturity thing.



Dinner last night with Grace's Church Ladies was actually nice. I did eat a little too much and went over my RDI but didn't feel tense, aggravated or unable to make conversation. I'd meditated about an hour before and just made it point to believe whatever was being said to me was out of kindness; basically I adopted an obtuse outlook for the evening. Teacher Face wasn't there. It went well. They insisted I join them at the next one and I consider it a 'sign' that they are going to meet at the restaurant across the street from my shop for that one.

So I know I blew right past the 'exceeded RDI' confession ~ I take it in stride that I am making progress compared to when my RDI was 2000. That 500 fewer calories is helping me reign in and be more aware of my consumption. Even when I torture myself by baking cornbread AND a cherry cobbler to give to Stick with the beans. Imagine it.. all alone.. the scent of cobbler ..crazy time. I'd even purposely made enough to make myself a small one and fortunately Stick and another customer each took servings so I was confined to about 1/2 cup. Yay. No temptation calling out for the night stalker.

Which of course makes me wonder if I'm ready to battle the 'homemade cakes' at the Auction tonight. For clarity sake, I didn't eat a whole cake... and I suppose I should be more forgiving of a piece (even if it's 5 times the size of a recommended serving) but I need to rediscover that willpower in me for a while that whispers "you don't need it, you're not hungry, you have fresh fruit at home, you are trying to recapture your goal of healthy living" and more. Where ever that voice is that hangs around the first 6-9 months of my new WOE... I need it to return for a while.

So for tonight I'm putting you all on guard duty ~ and will imagine you standing in front of the cake with arms locked ... if I get whatever crazy frosting soaked delight they bring up tonight.. I have to go thru you. Dear Lord, let them not have pecans on it. It'll take a second string of defense.



Speaking of nuts .. MaraNatha no stir raw maple almond butter. I'm just saying. Good stuff. One small teaspoon and I'm a happy camper. Craving satisfied; need to forage for more erased.

Well, Mush (yes, Kattay, I call her Mush a lot too... plus a whole string of different little names) is doing much better. We were due to go to the (whisper.. V.E.T) this afternoon to get her seizure meds refilled but it's gotten so much more complicated - just like people drugs. So maybe tomorrow. Crazy stuff.

And finally, yes I do agree the exercise with weight loss would definitely change the body more than just decreased calorie weight loss, hence why I am hoping Mary Poppins lands here as I just don't have my umbrella license right now. Maybe one of the Church Ladies will bring it up and this path, this journey, will continue.

Be well, be happy, be good to yourself.

Bella


20 October 2014

Ahh.. ambition and motivation... so fleeting with me these days. Is it weather? Age? All of the above? I was head down and knee deep on working up the fliers and contracts for the 'craft & collectible' shows I'm organizing at The Money Pit but when I stepped away for a moment.. yep.. my laptop rebooted itself. I do try to 'save' periodically but haven't the heart to look just this minute. After I get this journal up I'll take a deep breath and try again.

I didn't record food again yesterday ~ but it was a day of 1/2 cups of chili broth here and there followed by half cups of bean broth. Filling yet (I pray) not so calorically dense, again. Maybe I'm the dense one. Banana with melted peanut butter for evening snack. Seems as if I grazed all day but hopefully not so much damage.

A thought occurred to me last night as I continued working through the series 'Heavy' and that is the intense workout these participants are subjected to daily, esp at their extreme beginning weights of 300lbs and up. I get that exercise is good .. yes, although I don't DO much of it, I GET it... but I cannot drown out that voice in my head saying, "weight loss is 80% food, 20% exercise... so those folks dropping their meals from 3000 to 300 calories a meal alone is the hugest contributor to their weight loss".

However, I'm not pooh-poohing the method. I have been thinking about a trainer or workout buddy, a dependable, no excuses from either of us, git 'er done type buddy. I know it can be done alone but not by me. I've proven, time and again, that my self motivation dwindles quickly. And I wonder if THAT, the sheer exercise of healthy living, is the last piece missing from me 'keeping the weight off'. It may be that final 'spark' that keeps me in maintenance for the rest of my life.

My only deal breaker is 'no yelling'. I wouldn't take it. I'm not a whiner; I would work as hard as I physically could even it if meant throwing up (as they do) but not if some drill sergeant wanna be decides to treat me like we're at boot camp. I notice those folks leave via airplane when the six months is over (this is at Hilton Head in SC)

Anyway.. what else? Mushy is feeling much better, thank you; still a little hesitant on jumping up in the chair or bed - it's as if she's lost her confidence or something, I don't know - but eating better, more playful, and even had a bath yesterday. She's such a good baby. Maybe she's just getting older too.

And with that, I think I'll go check the chicken brewing on the stove. I think this is part of my motivation for giving food away all the time. I like the smell of something simmering all the time without filling up my freezer or wasting groceries. Someday I'll get to the point of 'one chicken leg & thigh smells just as good as five' but not today.

Dinner tonight with Grace & the Church Ladies. I think I'll take an hour before I go and meditate for peace, calmness and patience as well as the maturity to sit thru the catty comments, breathe and give them the benefit of the doubt, and look forward to meeting some very nice people. Inhale...

Hope you're all having a wonderful day in your world today.

Bella

Sharing some things going on around Bellawood:
That chair I repainted - maybe will redo really 'arty' some day:


Before refinishing:



After - yes, that's my dusty treadmill behind them...


Another little project I did - no before pic though - still looking for a base / dresser for it:


Some (of several) of the succulents around ... love propagating them:






One of the many pineapple's planted this summer:


And some of the flowers still blooming:



And the thing I tell myself multiple times a day:



19 October 2014

BEAUTIFUL Sunday morning here in Bellawood. Classical music in the background combining with the songbirds outside and tinkle of the windchimes. I’m so thankful for this morning and many other things.

Weird culmination of ‘date recognitions’ lately. I was stunned on Thursday eve to discover Blondie didn’t recognize ‘Boss Day’ - no wonder she isn’t loved at work, LOL. When I worked for Corporate America it was a huge ‘thing’ - we started planning a month in advance. It was almost a competition to have the boss who received the greatest ‘recognition’ from their team. It was like the Christmas of CA.

Then it finally occurred to me this morning why ‘Friday, Oct 17’ was tapping at my memory bank: it was the two year anniversary of joining Fat Secret. Oh, yeah, that. And how did I recognize it? By having a binge day of epic proportions. It didn’t START that way but I sure finished it that way; ways I just gave up recording once I exceeded RDI before noon. So that’s two Friday’s in a row off the rails … a day that’s usually TGIF is becoming “Oh No, it’s Friday” or ONIF? So I’m declaring right here, right now, next Friday is going to be better.

Although I know I must own my behavior and reactions I have to think what triggered the Friday binge was Yoga; and thinking about it she was the big factor in the previous binge Friday as well. So like with Blondie there is an underlying current of anxiety that I must adjust and overcome or unlike Blondie just eliminate her from my days. She’s a nice person and I do well when she visits me here but when we make plans outside my home she’s always late, erratic, etc., something that does not sit well with my OCD behaviour and obligations.

Friday afternoon she is ‘done for the day’ while *I* am taking time away from my shop, business, income, etc., to meet her for lunch. Friday was the third time I sat down at the restaurant and ordered without her because I needed to eat and get back on time. Yes, being the boss I can get back when I want but when there’s a sign on the door ‘back at 1pm’ I need to honor that in the event a customer is waiting or returning. So, I suppose the answer is, for now, no more Friday lunches ‘out’. We will need to shift that to a dinner when I’m more flexible and less stressed about my time. There.



I didn’t make it to helping Grace with her Church Rummage sale yesterday; Mushy was freaking me out, not eating, little water, doesn’t seem to be able to jump. I finally got her back on her legs, eating, tail wagging so I’m breathing better but not sure why she’s reluctant to jump (up into a chair). I know Thursday night she seemed to be kicking her hind legs a lot - and hate that she’s absorbed Mommy’s restless leg syndrome (which continues - the RLS OTC isn’t helping .. but at least a hot bath every night is offering a little relief for me.. maybe she needs the same?)

So I just stayed home - didn’t even venture out the front door to retrieve the newspaper. I played with my plants, created a couple of succulent arrangements for indoors, and refinished the sad little auction chairs in a deep mahogany to match the new desk in the shop. My first time to use a paint stripper and a my first ever ‘tool purchase’ - a sander!

And I made a pot of chili thanks to several of my FS buddies sharing they’d done the same last week. But I generally make my ‘broth to meat’ chili ratio something like 20:1; or as told someone once, “I’m mainly in it for the broth”. Hot and filling yet not so calorically dense.

So today I have a pot of beans brewing for Stick; he’s recovering from a heart surgery and .. oh heck, I just like cooking and sharing food; even without the ‘justified reason’. I’m going to make a decorative bird house .. again, just because.. something to do. I’ll probably just spend the rest of the day like yesterday - puttering around, resting in between, and being good to myself.



Hope you’re having a wonderful day in your world.

Bella



17 October 2014

DURDI = 2 and that includes a fabulous pork roast quesadilla (homemade) and a tiny serving of Chocolate Black Cherry frozen yogurt. Yay. Double yay considering Blondie came over last night for ‘dinner & movie’.



Afterward I started stripping one of the chairs; I think it’s going to turn out really nice. Some day. Strangest thing this morning - I was awake for a couple of hours before it occurred to me ‘It’s Friday’. I was just up putzing around as usual without any distinct markers acknowledged.

I may help Grace with her Church Rummage Sale tomorrow. She’s invited me, again, to ‘Ladies Night’ with her Church group on Monday. And yeah, this would include Miss Teacher Face in the mix. I’m going to try. I’ll probably be repeating ‘I’m not a child, she isn’t my teacher, deal with me’ throughout the entire evening. Or just make it a point to sit as far away as possible without being at a different table.



They (we?) are going to a Sushi bar so at least there’s that.



And really that’s about it, other than to thank you all for your kind comments and stopping by to visit me. I rarely ever comment on your comments but know that I do read and appreciate all of them.

Bells








16 October 2014

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