FullaBella's Journal, 19 July 2014

Saturday morning. No get-away adventures planned for this weekend .. emphasis on the ‘planned’, LOL. Leaving myself open to spontaneity. Blondie is having a birthday party for the oldest Grandson at the park today; I’m picking up the cake and a few of the food items and will stay for a while. It’s been wonderfully unseasonably cool this week with a high expected of only mid-80’s.

Hamburgers, hot dogs, and chips, oh my. I’ve managed to get a healthy week of food under my tightened belt and here I go to face the gauntlet of mindful eating. Ahh well. Plenty of water. Pause. Think. And go grab a badminton racket instead of the potato salad whenever the urge to munch hits, right?

The past couple of mornings I’ve skipped the coconut oil and butter in my coffee, aka ‘un-bulletproofing myself’ and have noticed I AM actually hungry. So conclusions?

One - that stuff really works for me BUT what’s the trade-off? Because TWO - what else could I be eating that will provide me a bit different and better nourishment for a while to shake up this body from it’s ‘rut’.

Sure, it’s great if I don’t have the time for breakfast. But I do (have the time). In fact, I’d been reflecting on how I’d like to make a Saturday morning ritual of walking down to the local diner for breakfast but of course, not being hungry thanks to the coffee the ritual remained shelved and unlaunched.

That seems like a good thing (skipping breakfast) but I’m wanting to feed my soul as much as my body via interaction and socializing with people. It grows far too easy to curl up in my recliner with Mushy and ignore the world.

I am pleased to be content with myself; it is a wonderful feeling. I’m just aware that I have things I want to do although I don’t know what they are as of yet. Quiet reflection here hasn’t yielded the answer nor has escaping to adventures unknown. Maybe the answer is local and will be discovered over a plate of scrambled eggs?

But back to the bulletproof coffee. I was wondering exactly what that does to the Pie Chart on the RDI food diary. Interesting that it generates a negative 3% carbohydrate percentage and totally baffles the chart graphic; guess it can’t give a negative green slice. I was intrigued on how those two items combine to create a negative carb percentage and deleted the butter; negative 5% carbs. I can’t figure out how to grab a shot of it here so you’ll have to take my word for it or play with your own food diary using a tablespoon of unsalted butter & coconut oil on an empty diary to see if it yields the same results for you.

Which made me think about a couple of things. Yay, high fat content creates a negative carb effect. Good. And it’s considered good fat and has helped lower my cholesterol. Good.

But zero protein. I read about trying to achieve a high protein percentage on a lot of journals. I also read recently that the ideal protein ratio to create a ‘fat burning’ effect is 35% of one’s daily intake. I have trouble achieving that especially by skipping breakfast because of the bulletproof coffee. And this has been my general practice for several months; months that include not only a stalled weight loss but one that’s packed on a few pounds.

So I think for a while I will either skip the coconut oil or save it for my bedtime coffee. I enjoy the taste of it. I just don’t want to have to force eat breakfast when not hungry but I feel I need to get the ratios and it’s apparent it’s played a part in stalling my weight loss. Perhaps it’s just as simple as not enough protein. And perhaps a better mix of fat & protein first thing in the morning will give my metabolism a little wake up call.

I feel good about this thought process and apologize for the length of it. Bless anyone who’s stayed with my journal through all of this - not only this journal but this journey in general. I am trying, constantly, to find the answer and make peace with myself and body. I try to follow my intuition and explore; remember the past and adapt for the present. I don’t have the metabolism I did ten or twenty years ago. Nor am I attempting to slide into size two jeans.

I just do not want to regain all of the weight, yet again. So at this point, this estimate 5lb gain due to the way the jeans were too tight.. I am addressing things now. Reassessing what I’m doing, what I’ve been doing, and trying to modify it slightly.

I feel good about it because with my eating disorder my usual SOP is to just .. starve it off now. Yep. That’s how I would have done it in the past. Nothing but water, coffee and maybe a can of sauerkraut or turnip greens for the day. And hungry. An unhealthy. Yep, I’d get it off. But I’d gain it all back.

One day at a time. That’s all I can handle. If I don’t get it perfect today, then, that’s why they created ‘tomorrows’. Until I run out of those, I just keep trying.

Bella




























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Great! But I need to go now.




Bye!

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2739 kcal

Fat: 131.43g | Prot: 129.95g | Carb: 252.80g.   Breakfast: International Delight French Vanilla Coffee Creamer, Watermelon, Potato Salad, Baked Beans with Pork (Canned), Cheddar Cheese, White Cake with Icing (Home Recipe or Purchased), Frankfurter or Hot Dog, Sunbeam Hamburger Bun, Ground Beef (80% Lean / 20% Fat, Patty, Cooked, Broiled), Chicken Tortellini Soup, Bacon (Cured, Pan-Fried, Cooked), Cheddar Cheese, Sunny Farms Jumbo Egg, Pillsbury Grands! Homestyle Buttermilk Biscuits. more...