GlennM's Journal, 19 December 2008

not always about beauty, sometimes you have to see the inside of the person to get to kno them... 

Its obvious why your alone. men need to stop looking at woman as objects but as people. try making a friend. 

Hi Glenn - I say this with all due respect...but your approach seems a bit off. I can't speak for all women, but I can speak for my circle of friends and they want a man who is confident and will approach them. They don't want to be the one doing all the work. So muster your courage and get out there. Think about it….if you get rejected online, no one will know but you. And Glenn, it’s going to happen. But it happens to everyone….not just you. I can even understand you wanting someone that is physically attractive to you. I do believe that there must be chemistry in a relationship. But the way your comments read is sounds like that is all you are looking for. Loosinisfun is right....don't base your choice solely on looks. Look beyond the appearance and find someone who you are compatible with. Also keep in mind that it’s ok to date multiple people. You don’t have to go from single to committed relationship in one date or contact. As for out of town matches….I would suggest that you update your profile online to reflect that and disregard any contacts that aren't local. Also, most areas have local only sites...check one of those out. Good luck to you Glenn. Just try to remember that finding a relationship is going to take action on your part. It’s not going to fall in your lap. You can do it…look at all the work you have already put into yourself by losing the weight. Traci  

I'm 46 not 18. I'm not looking for a woman solely on looks. If I was I would get involved with this woman in Texas. Women are passing me by - I had women call me in the past years ago and once they found out I didn't drive gave me no contact information and hung up on me. You are right no local matches is a good idea, it's for women not seeking a commitment just some fantasy. The main site I'm on has local women too. Chemistry is more important than looks of course, the most beautiful woman who is a witch no man will want. I don't have the finances to date multiple women. I'm alone fatfreeme because women don't want a man with a low income. I want a woman who is somewhat attractive - what woman is going to be with someone she finds repulsive? glenn 

Women want a confident man you said tlr. I have issues other men don't have. I can't drive a car and never will. That is a turn off for like 90% of women - I know I've been not driving for thirty years because of childhood abuse issues. I try to drive and feel like I am losing control. Such things women don't want to deal with. Their families see me as messed up, etc. I'm low income too, my aunt who is a nun said to me - "just stay not dating since women need someone to take care of them, that is what most of them are looking for..." American women I've found are. Too many have NOT been nice to me, and other women of one certain ethnic backround too. I can't have children either. There are so many strikes against me. You are not in my shoes and don't know how women behave toward me. As a young man things were free, women let me into their lives come and go, etc. But at age 46 I can't date young women anymore and get into just the free fun dating scene. People are looking for serious commitment mainly. My sister basically said I can forget it as I have no income. Guys have told me get on the wilder sites for a partner as there's no other way I'm going to find romance with any woman as I have no car, no money, no house, not lots of money to date, etc. They know they've been there... glenn 

Not all women are looking for someone who will support them. Adult women with careers just want someone who they get along with who loves them. It isn't about money, but about personality and a little bit of confidence. They want companionship. You have to feel like you are worthy of a relationship to attract a woman. Focus on your interests and your dreams of becoming a published writer. That is what is going to attract someone. Also, I agree with trying to be friends first. Why are you looking for relationship advice from an aunt who is a nun? You are focusing on what is not right about you instead of accentuating your strengths. Don't focus on your low income and fear of driving. Don't focus on people just looking for serious commitment because they have just the same reservations you do. Don't decide for them what they want before you meet them. Decide what you want and focus on that. Decide who you are and what is great about you and show them that side of you.  

Thanks sara - today is an important day in my life. An anniversary day. Fourteen years ago today I woke up feeling very strange, went to pick up my paycheck for work. It was the beginning of a major mental breakdown. I didn't seek advice from my aunt - she gave it to me as everyone else tends to do! Anyway over the next two and a half months into early 1995 I was on a manic high. I got very ill mentally. I traveled across the country by bus knowing something was wrong. The trip was bizarre as I was so ill. My dad thankfully took me in. Five weeks later I was so suicidal I finally admitte myself into the Veteran's Hospital. I'd been hallucinating, etc. I hadn't been abusing drugs or anything during or prior to this happening, just occasional social drinking - nothing heavy. I was so ill they kept me there six weeks. I'm stable now as you all see by my posts - though I can get down at times! The meds cause weight gain so I have to diet strictly. Sara knew of my condition as she'd asked in the past about what meds I was on that caused weight gain. So since then no dating or girlfriends. Maurice Bernard - the actor from General Hospital who plays Sonny is my role model as he is successful with mental illness though I'm sure he's less ill than I am - no one who meets me thinks anything is wrong with me. I'm doing well with the writing. Thought I'd tell you all as today is the anniversary of it starting so no better time than to explain why I'm really alone! blessings, glenn 

Money isn't everything to women and if you find a women who thinks that then it's best you don't pursue her. I know from experience because when I was broke, I had 3 girls who wanted to date me and one of them I ended up getting into a serious relationship with. She did not mind that I was broke and between jobs and she wanted to go out a lot but I did not want her to pay for me but she insisted and even though it was very embarrassing it showed me that she was not all about money. I of course showed my appreciation later with a very expensive diamond ring. As for not having a car, that can be an issue if you live a rural area or date long distance but you should think about moving to a major city. They never use cars, they use public transportation. I agree with the comments, you have to have confidence and approach a woman, they wont just come to you. My mindset before I approach a woman is "hey if she rejects me I'll never see her again in my life." I am also single and looking so good luck! 

Glenn – first let me say that I meant no harm in my earlier comments. They were meant to motivate positive action, not tear you down or de-motivate you. I sense from your above post possible aggravation/irritation with my remarks. In response to that I have to point out that by putting your personal information/situations on a website you are inviting feedback. I sincerely hope that you find who/what you are looking for. Everyone deserves happiness. Based on what I’ve read, I agree…you are coping with several issues that a lot of women would shy away from. But I stand by earlier comment that women like confidence and that doesn’t mean they want someone to take care of them or support them. Partnership is the key. Focus on what is good and desirable about you and don’t let those things that are perceived as negative or undesirable hold you back. It sounds as though you have overcome a lot in your 46 years. That is great success story. You can make a success out of this as well. Good Luck Glenn. 

Thanks tlr. No offense taken. I'm drawn to foriegn women as the ones I've dated have been kinder than the American women I've dealt with. I know from this site there are so many wonderful women who are American but something is seemingly drawing me to distant shores again. Maybe Spain - as my Spanish is getting better daily. I deal with so much negativity from my negative friends and family members this site is a breath of fresh air. The motivation CDs will help in the long run too. Mental health treatment is not a myth it is an absolute necessity for people who have trauma in their pasts. Just what I went through in school, even though it wasn't an every day thing alone would cause PTSD in someone, nevermind everything else I went through. So religious groups who say psychiatry is fake and unnecessary have never walked in my shoes or those of one who is truly mentally ill. I take lots of vitamins too they don't cure it. One hundred years ago everyone who was mentally ill was warehoused in institutions as there was no medicine. There is no cure but to say treatment should be stopped is ridiculous. The meds do cause weight gain usually and not one person I know on them wants to take them! thanks for the advice tlr.. blessings - glenn  

Glen I wish you well on your endeavor to find a mate, whether it be long-distance or local. Stay friendly, courteous, and most of all respectful to the opposite sex. Sometimes the best mates are the ones you've been friends with for a while because you've gotten to know each other on a friendship level first before courtship. Take care buddy 

Thanks- I used to live in Sacramento by the way - the summer of '94. Can't remember the nursing home I worked at, loved the city. K street was neat. The Arden Fair mall - if that was the name was a favorite place for me to go. The rent was cheap for my luxury apartment too. I loved the train system to get around that hooked up with the bus too. Met a nice woman there, but she was still attached to an ex and wasn't being truthful so I had to go back to L.A. for my own safety. But I was there May to September '94... glenn 

Thanks teeoh and pking for the advice - teeoh I missed your post as I only had read the one below it a while back. Pking I remember your profile as a Sacramento native. The train system was fairly new when I got there. I loved the summer weather. I got into country music there as there were so many stations there then. I'm going out to join a yoga class and the extra activities it has and a writing group, and a hiking group and maybe church groups too if I change churches. The town I live in is 30,000 people. But it is not ideal for men as it is the #1 location for women of the alternative lifestyle - Northampton, Massachusetts, my birthtown...