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Friday. SUNNY. Gorgeous weather and a day that began with no eggs or toilet paper to clean up this morning despite not handing out candy last night.
Remember about a month ago when I swore on a stack of spreadsheets I'd keep the accounting and tax records up to date weekly? Well, I lied. But I did get all of October done this morning so 'whew'.
Doc visit this morning to get my routine meds refilled revealed an interesting little change in our country and laws. Apparently xanax is a controlled drug and I had to sign a 'contract' that I promise to take them and not sell them. That was followed by a urine test to prove it was in my bloodstream. I wanted to say 'you know it's in my bloodstream or I'd have used the box cutter voice on you' but I think my doc's office is a zero tolerance for violence zone so no kidding around. So great, gimme the paper cup and I'll try not to dribble.
This where I am constantly reminded how I lack a 'criminal mind'. As I had no insurance up until TODAY I couldn't imagine selling off what already cost me so much. The doc explained people get them on insurance, blah blah, proving once again how much more financially creative some people are compared to me.
Just like a few years ago the cashier ran the counterfeit marker over one dollar bills and I ... in my naive thinking ... responded, 'seriously, by the time you buy the paper and the toner it would cost more than ... oh, duh.' See, in my mind it's some nerd like me maxing out the credit card at Staples. In reality, they probably STOLE the paper and toner too. And that folks is why I'm not journaling from this from somewhere tropical while I sip on umbrella drinks.
After the doc I went to grocery shop but remembered in order to get the homemade meatloaf I'd prepped early this morning baked in time for lunch I needed to get back home. So I have to go to the bank and grocery store this evening. I am so proud to report my meatloaf was fabulous. It's one of the dishes I rarely get right but today I did. Yay meatloaf.
I don't know what happened yesterday afternoon but I kept sliding into 'totally ticked off witch with a capital b' mode over and over. It began at the market and continued as I tried to walk Mushy around to enjoy 'Halloween on the Square' and right on up to bedtime. I'd smile and breath and talk myself back from the ledge but the bad mood would return. I finally shut it up with a second and completely unnecessary serving of chicken and stuffing right at bedtime. Not proud if it one bit. But it is what it is and today has been back on track.
I have been a bit intrigued by some of the comments I've received in person lately, esp by those who haven't seen me in a while. Of course, I still get a lot of 'that other lady' and 'what happened to Bella?' and I have to go through 20 questions to prove 'yeah, it's really me.' And while the compliments are great, of course, they have been reinforcing a sociological stereotype I don't particularly care for but I'll journal here rather than take a soapbox in real life.
Telling me 'you look better' has shifted to 'you look younger.' Yes, by all means, that's great to HEAR but thank goodness I've never been a woman obsessed with clinging to my 'youth'. In fact, I've often acted 'older' hoping people would give me a break, expect a little less of me. I've been calling myself 'an old woman' for a decade. Especially out in the corporate jungle where every one was named Brittney, Whitney or Tiffany and was young enough to be my daughter.
But while I cannot control what people say I find it interesting that rather than telling me I look 'better, healthier, happier' I'm tossed the 'younger' compliment. So why is that a discussion? Well, I'll tell you why.
It's the constant comparison of 'which is better'. Youth is better than age and thin is better than fat. No wonder so many of us including me have issues about our self image.
It reminded me of a few years ago during one of my heavier weight years when I ordered a bloody mary mix on a flight, as did the man in the row behind me. Yet, when the flight attendant served me she leaned over and pointed out the label especially the line displaying the very high sodium content.
Okay, nice of her to care. Maybe she was dealing with a loved one at home who'd recently suffered a high blood pressure induced stroke or whatever. Maybe she was fighting her own health issues of the same. I don't know. I just know she did NOT deliver that unsolicited opinion to the thin passenger behind me. So obviously, she felt only obese people needed to watch their sodium intake. It's misinformation like that or thinking compliments like 'younger' is better than 'healthier' or skinny-fat is better than 'healthy but overweight' that leads to so much crazy thinking. And crazy thinking leads to crazy acting. If you don't believe me, well, go back and read a few of my older journals.
Thank you all for the very kind comments and compliments on my garden totem. I so appreciate you reading my journals and responding with your generous time and support. You are wonderful friends and I'm truly grateful to have you. Hope you are having a wonderful Friday.
Bells
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