FullaBella's Journal, 24 September 2013

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I had an argument with an inanimate object this morning! I logged in and saw the dreaded Weigh in Now! reminder, anticipated the 'your weight has not changed since it was recorded in Roman Numerals date' message and began a defensive mental diatribe.

'Hey, I've already listed that I'm in maintenance, my weight and goal match, you know.. if you were paying attention you'd calculate that my weight recorded hasn't changed for two months now and maybe THAT needs a little addressing, praise or concern. Ask me if I'm really weighing. Ask me if I care. Ask me if I'm happy. Congratulate me on not gaining. Anything other than your blanket vanilla boring reminder.'

Obviously I had too much time on my hands or too much caffeine this morning. So now I'm going to see how long I can ignore the red reminder; maybe I'll paint white-out over the top right corner of my monitor.

It did have me reflecting though on whether I have reached my 'set point' or if my body is just taking a break. I'd often considered how cool it would have been figuring out my set point at 285lbs and determining how much the whole CICO affected me then especially when I pondered why not 'more'. Why not 300lb or 325lb? What made the difference? Who knows. It's hard to pay 'any' attention to something without the cause and affect registering consciously or subconsciously. It's like those people who claim they did 'nothing else or different' and lost 30lbs simply by taking 'green magic bean elixir'.

I find that questionable and short of locking them in a lab and force feeding them the very same thing they were eating the entire month before we really don't know, do we? Perhaps they drank one less milkshake; took one less cookie; took one extra flight of stairs. It's all subtle but we've all learned the little things do have an effect.

So it had me wondering - maybe I should resume logging the food diary for a month and see if 'that' would be a measuring tool. Some crazy mathelogical computation akin to 'if I consume X-cal per day and stay the same weight for 30 more days then apparently regardless of when the train leaves the station traveling south at Y-axis of the universe...' Gah.

And then I actually TOYED with the idea of 'once you figure that out Bells, you can work hard to drop 10lbs so that you'll be ready to go through all the holiday food and have room to gain weighhhhh WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING???'

Yep, I was actually planning to lose weight just so I could over eat at the holidays to break even in 90 days. Duh Duh duh. Stupid. It's amazing how easy these bad habits just creep back into my subconscious when I'm not watching! I need a sanity guard on duty around the clock!

But at that precise moment my Mindful Eating Angel smacked me with one of her wings and reminded me 'uhm.. doesn't matter if it's a holiday or a regular day or weekday or crazy day ... food is to be enjoyed mindfully and in moderation.'

So maybe this is my set point. Maybe I was never meant to ever be 150lbs. I've been there, several times. But always gained it back because I arrived there frustrated, hungry, and wrapped so tight in eating disorders I couldn't enjoy it.

This time is different. Another 'rediscovery' this morning: sauerkraut. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed it for breakfast, especially mixed with tuna and pico de gallo as I had today. Yum. And without venturing into the TMI territory, well, between the extra fiber in the chia seeds in my oatmeal and the probiotic in the sauerkraut things are moving along a lot better. Additionally, adding the yogurt back to my daily consumption has helped heal those painful cracking sores at the corner of my mouth. A physician once said it was the result of drinking too much water. I think the pribio's in the yogurt are helping replace (what's been flushed out). So, I'm feeling better than I have in the past month.

Maybe, once my body recovers physiologically it'll decide it can let a little more weight go? Am I just totally self actualized or deep in the river of rationalization? Only time will tell. For now... I'm going to go play shuffleboard on the lower deck of the cruise ship.

Thanks for reading. No interesting birdies this morning so I'll just share some flowers with all my friends. Have a great day!

Bella

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Comments

"I had an argument with an inanimate" At first glance I thought this said INMATE! lolol

24 Sep 13 by member: radiochick

I have managed to ignore that WEIGH IN NOW reminder for 230 days now so if I can do it, anyone can! LOL. I have laughed at myself when I look back and see how, through decades of being on the weight roller coaster, I have continually raised my goal weight so that now my goal is equal to where I spent half my life fighting to get to a lower weight. It never ceases to amaze me how perspective is everything! I totally relate to your wanting to lose weight in anticipation of gaining over the holidays. I have been the same way and still get those crazy thoughts bubbling up every once in a while. Off to play shuffleboard, huh? Mind if I join you?

24 Sep 13 by member: evelyn64

In all seriousnewss Bella, 1, it might be a good idea to log for awhile. Just to see how much calories = maintenance. 2, I'm not following the 4th paragraph, but want to understand. 3, Sauerkraut with tuna and pico for breakfast..... yak. :)

24 Sep 13 by member: radiochick

The pictures are beautiful as usual. I don't like the weigh in either because my weight has stayed the same for a while and I'm not at my goal but maybe my goal isn't realistic at this age. I love that you can just write everything down and figure out what it means to your eating habits. I can relate to a lot of what you say. Thanks for writing and for the beautiful pictures.

24 Sep 13 by member: SJacqueline

Bella you really get me thinking..then I forget cause I'm getting old..LOL...I use to love sauerkraut...but I can't stand tuna..now I would maybe put some of that canned chicken in it..like I do my macaroni salad..Yum...Love the flowers and the butterflies..:O)

24 Sep 13 by member: BHA

I like your set point theory. You're doing so well eating mindfully that I'm sure you'll get & stay at the weight best suited for you. Time will tell if you're there now or just at a stubborn plateau. You're one wise woman, my friend, to accept where you are and stay so consistently on your healthy, mindful journey. Xoxox

24 Sep 13 by member: Ruhu

Once a great, insightful journal. I love reading your stuff, Bella. Once thing really made me think - the "green elixir" thing. I think you're definitely on to something - those "fake" diet products do work, but probably because we focus more on our food intake while we eat them. I see it in my weight loss classes on a regular basis. A client will brag about how great my system works for them, even if they never really got started or every even tried to do it right. But just the fact that they signed up, paid the fee and go sit and chat and drink coffee once a week makes them focus just a little more on their food intake and thus lose weight. And of course - who cares what makes them lose the weight, as long as they lose the weight, right? I always feel that when we see "diet products" that says "works best with proper diet and exercise" then it's most likely because it's the diet and exercise that makes the difference, not the product in itself. However, if that product makes us do what needs to be done, then I suppose it's worth it. I need to start selling diet-something. It's good business. :)

25 Sep 13 by member: kingkeld

Quote - [ But at that precise moment my Mindful Eating Angel smacked me with one of her wings and reminded me 'uhm.. doesn't matter if it's a holiday or a regular day or weekday or crazy day ... food is to be enjoyed mindfully and in moderation.' ] EXACTLY! I too find myself thinking about losing weight so I can 'go nuts' at specific times. Like I wanted to lose weight real bad for going to Scotland, so I could show off some but also that I could indulge in their delicious cakes and chocolate - well rhwy used to be delicious, I don't know if it still is. It's a stupid mind game and I am so glad that you mentioned this today so I can be aware that that's what I was doing. As you have said many times, inspiration comes from different places and you are mine today. Also love your pics. The angel is beautiful, and the collage is also beautiful. Breakfast - each to their own, but I'm sorry, sauerkraut for breakfast - OMG - barf! Tuna I can and have done. Whatever floats your boat. My breakfast is coffee and coconut oil, and communing with you guys. I too hate that 'weigh in now' thing. wish it would shut the f#@$ up! xxx

25 Sep 13 by member: sarahsmum

@Evelyn - you will probably be the title holder; I don't ignore red very well - must be the Taurus in me :-) You know, I've never really played shuffleboard but it doesn't seem to be the kind of activity that hurts or makes ya sweat so it sounds perfect for me. So bring your injured rotator cup and come on :-)