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Sunday will be my one year anniversary of taking that first step to change my relationship with food and losing weight for my physical and mental health instead of vanity and ego. However, Sunday I am going to a Woman's Fashion Fair with my IRL friend so I likely won't be around to journal. Tomorrow I'll still be dealing with the VSD Varmint and likely will be incapable of a journal beyond a string of F-words. So I want to make this journal count.
NOW is when the really hard part begins. That seems ironic considering I've lost 100+lbs but as those of you who've read my profile or journals from the beginning know I've always admitted that losing massive amounts of weight comes easy for me. I know this because I'd already done it 4 times in my life.
Keeping it off.. yep, that's a whole 'nuther game.
Time for the hard part. The part most of you have lived and breathed the better part of your life. Taking off those last few pounds, the freshman ten, the baby weight, the vacation pounds, whatever, and keeping them off.
I feel like I've spent the past year in a virtual 'boot camp' to change my life inside and out. Counting calories, studying and recording my food, weighing myself, increasing my activity, meditating, sharing, abandoning old diet myths, sorting out the nonsense, ridding myself of stinking thinking, making peace with food, admitting my weaknesses, exploring my cravings, discovering real hunger, learning to love real food, connecting, confessing, studying, memorizing, and on and on.
Plus: prayer. A lot of prayer. And of course, the miles and miles of journaling as I finally feel I'm getting to know myself rather late in life.
I really thought by the time I reached this point of my year and in my journal I'd have a plan for 'what's up for next year?' I don't have one. Not a solid one. And as the old mantra goes 'To Fail to Plan is a Plan to Fail.' So I'm going to give this a shot.
I will continue to eat healthy and mindfully. I will continue to love, nurture, and accept myself unconditionally today.
I will continue to weigh weekly and if I note a 7lb gain for more than two weeks in a row and my current wardrobe begins to feel snug I will return to recording my food diary to examine what may need to change in either portions or choices.
I will continue to come here to FS daily as possible to be a part of a community of like minded individuals all seeking a healthier life. I may even find myself so inspired by my friends who make exercise a part of their day and finally do the same. I will continue to share and be honest with myself and examine my weaknesses to find my strength.
I will eat what I love and love what I eat but always remember food is for satiating hunger, not replacing emotions. I will live, laugh, and love the opportunity I have ahead of me.
And I will continue to be grateful every day I found this site and met you all. You are wonderful, inspiring, incredible people and I am truly blessed you are my friends. Thank you all. Happy Anniversary. Here's to a great year ahead.
Bella
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176.0 lb
Lost so far: 109.0 lb.
Still to go: 0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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steady weight
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 Comments
Bren - I do agree yet I do pray continually that the strength comes when I feel week. It's incredible how hard it is to break lifelong habits but as Evelyn said to me - it doesn't get easier, you just get better. I was surprised last night when I had a knee jerk reaction to all this stress of 'oh, just bury your face in the pumpkin pie & whipped creme - you'll feel better' but fortunately the basic training boot camp stood between me & the fridge and made me go paint :-)
24 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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Heather - thank you - looking forward to another great year.
24 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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SW - Thank you - Sometimes I look back at the 'past' year and remind myself of when I only thought 'this way' or was determined to do things 'that way' and have changed. Flexibility but healthy choices ... two factors that help.
24 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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Teri - thank you my friend. Looking forward to another great year with you.
24 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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Sharon - thank you It HAS been a wild ride hasn't it - I swear, at times I feel like I've been a one woman six flags :-)
24 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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Cathy - thank you too. You're wonderful optimistic cheery outlook always brings me back to square one 'happiness is key' ... great inspiration.
24 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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Isabel - yep, you're a busy lady lately so no worries. I'll update my rant journal on the VSD. You know, as for 'goal' .. I'd get 'way to go for reaching goal' every time weighed in because I always move my 'goal' to whatever I weigh now. My goal is to NOT gain while I continue to love and accept myself and be healthy. So how about... make love, not war. Love yourself and make peace. Ahhh... you know I'm just an old hippie at heart. :-)
24 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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Kitkat - thank you my friend. Love the wave metaphor ... and I am really looking forward to Sunday too. Here's to another great year, my little Zumba Queen!
24 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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You really are an inspiration to me Bella and I know from reading your journals what a constant struggle it has been with all of lifes little upsets along the way. I guess I just love to eat but I honestly want good food and not junk food. Give me homemade anything over store bought prepackaged. I wish you a happy anniversary. Losing that much weight is truly a huge accomplishment. You will keep it off and you will be great this next year to come. :)
24 Aug 13 by member: Mom2Boxers
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Happy Anniversary Bella!! You really are a role model for me! I hope to have as much fortitude as you have to keep my journey on track. I love reading your journals, and it gives me a good giggle, or lots of motivation, you help me with my struggle, because you have already been there!! I have really learned from you, and I try to keep my feet on the right road. I look forward to your continued journey with us!!
24 Aug 13 by member: pumakitten
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M2B - I appreciate your comments as I always hope I can help get others as inspired and motivated as you all do for me. It has been a welcome change going fresh & pure - something I'd never done in the past. I do believe the chemicals of processed food led to keeping my mind, tongue and stomach so confused it led to my failure. I love food much more now than I ever did in the past either heavy or slim.
24 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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Puma - you've got the fortitude; it's just a matter of finding it in yourself and letting us help you when you can't. If you went back through my journals you'd see many SOS calls for help and this community was always fast and willing to answer. You're in the right place. Stay here and have a great year with me, okay!
24 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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Thank you Bella. Your journal today is personally responsible for keeping me from overheating this afternoon! The M&Ms have not been inhaled thanks to you. I totally felt like eating, but I knew I wasn't actually hungry. Then I remembered your words from this morning: "...discovering real hunger" and the strength to walk away from that "need".
You have a true gift to communicate through words and we are all the richer for it! I so appreciate your continual transparency.
24 Aug 13 by member: Josie Ann
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'Does that help?' Yes, thank you, it clarifies your meaning of 'mindful eating'. And, it must work, since with this formula you've been successful. I've reserved a copy of the book at the librairy. there's one for diabetics also (just an fyi). I don't know if I'll have the patience for the small spoon/fork, as I love big bites. I love the intensity of a lot of flavours in my mouth. (I am crazy!!!lol) I love the part where you say that the stomach is the size of a fist...that really will stick with me and make me reconsider my portion sizes. Thank you for your time and your willingness to help me. I can read that it's really sincere.
25 Aug 13 by member: NowIunderstand
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Josie - thank you my dear but that was all YOU kiddo. YOU are personally responsible for staying out of the M&M's. You chose to think about what you were doing, think about the things you've read here, heard in real life and and even shared here with me, and made a choice that whatever was going on with you inhaling the M&M's wouldn't solve. Good on you for taking care of yourself.
26 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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Mauni - many of her writings are available on line as well - she has a website with the principles. To even take this another (perhaps unnecessary but I'm going to share it anyway) example farther - I was reflecting on my answer yesterday morning as I ran around the house like a madwoman trying to get everything taken care of before I left for the day and still getting a hunger satisfying breakfast in. I'd made a bowl of tuna with mayo & pickles; it was on the counter. I'd grab a forkful and hold it in my mouth while I ran back to the laundry room to get the clothes out of the dryer... absorbing the juices from the tuna & pickles then chewing slowly.I'd go back & forth kitchen to bedroom, laundry, etc., and the entire time I was aware of what I was eating while I was still hanging up clothes, making the bed, on & on. But this was after many months of figuring out the average portion I need in the morning to satisfy my hunger and keep me going esp when I know I'm not going to be home where I can grab what I need at a seconds notice.
26 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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And this is a problem for me. I am satiated very fast, (two, three bites will do the trick) but then afterwards I'm hungry again. So, I can be grazing like a cow, but it's a real inconvenience, as I don't want to be bogged down cooking/or thinking about food all the time.
Luckily, (or unluckily) I work from home. But thanks, I'll look her up online.
26 Aug 13 by member: NowIunderstand
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You always amaze me with your brilliant journals and insightfulness. You help me often and I really appreciate it. I need to be here more regularly because I have stopped being precise with my RDI and journaling and worried that the lbs will creep back on. I am not in panic mode but am worried that I will lose the will to keep being this healthy. So I'm thankful that you are recommited to keeping on here. xoxox No hugs for you lady.
26 Aug 13 by member: Neptunebch
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Mauni - give it time and practice. I used to be the same way esp in the beginning when I was trying to get my blood sugar spiking under control or drinking far too much water before I ate. Also, and I offer this in a non judging way just something to consider - you mentioned you love taking big bites. It MAY be that the 2-3 big bites ARE the size of your fist and DO make for an adequate portion to satisfy your hunger. It's much like people who say 'several small meals a day rather than three big ones' and so on ... it's all a matter of eating how much we need, not more. The portions served in a 'single' restaurant meal are likely 'quantity' to what I'd consume in a full day. I used to could eat a double cheese burger in four bites. And once I got the 'how much is enough' down to a consistency I did not need to cook or think about food all of the time. It wasn't overnight. You're welcome.
26 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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Glams... you amaze me as well and if I had a new grandbaby I'd likely not have time to be here much either. But you'll make the time. Don't worry about the lbs creeping back up - you know what to do and you will do it right to take care of you.
26 Aug 13 by member: FullaBella
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