FullaBella's Journal, 01 December 2012

Just 5 Pounds

If you're like me, with 100+ pounds to lose, the thought of 'just 5 pounds' seems ridiculous. While I probably gained 'just 5 pounds' a month on the 'weigh up' (pun intended) the thought of losing 'just 5 pounds' a month on the way down seems too freaking slow.

If you're like me, you want it now. Yesterday even. I am of the generation of instant gratification. Pay per view, microwave everything, pizza delivery in 30 mins or less, dot.com stocks, zero to 60 in 3 seconds cars, etc. I just don't have the 'everything in good time' mentality. Not 'naturally' anyway.

I recall when I'd lost the first 30lbs this journey I remembered 'feeling' so much better. Thinner. Healthier. Slimmer. Confident. Stronger.

But then I caught my reflection in a plate glass window and for a brief second lost my will to live much less continue this path of healthy eating. My own little personal sabatoger voice started shouting at me: What's the point? You have so far to go. So much to lose. Who do you think you're fooling?

Every ounce of confidence I'd been feeling was wiped out by a bad reflection. I wanted to walk INTO that plate glass window but walked into the grocery store instead.

I was FULLY PLANNING on a self hatred binge of historical proportions. I was already imagining chips & dips and chocolate ice cream. I was going to load up the cart and once I reached home I was going to gorge on everything I'd been denying myself for two months. And I knew at the end I'd would be kneeling in the bathroom throwing up because I wasn't ready to give up on the weight loss just yet. I just so hated that I still looked so FAT when I'd been working SO HARD that I felt I needed to punish myself for 'taking so long'.

The first thing that caught my eye in the grocery store was Stacy's Bagel Chips but without thinking I flipped the bag over and start reading the nutritional label. I don't even know why I looked ~ after all, this was a binge! Maybe I was hoping for the worst, high caloric, saturated fat, high carbohydrate thing I could find.

But the reality is that reading nutritional labels had become such a habit after two months that I did it without thinking. And I discovered a single serving of the bagel chips wasn't bad. It was actually good. Wait, I'd discovered a new healthy snack?

In that blink of an eye the binge-quest evaporated. I found some really delicious spicy mustard and had a new healthy snack. Binge averted. That day. That moment in time.

So what about the 'just 5 pounds?'

Well, if you read my journals you know that on 11/29 I did not win the battle over a binge. I went crazy eating Mayonnaise. And I recorded it. And it was UGLY on my diet calender food diary.

But the next morning post 'Binge Failure' as I was moving something on a shelf, I found MH's ankle weights. I'd purchased these for him on the advice of a therapist to help give him a little ooompf (yes, that is a technical term, the therapist used it) in his walking to build up his strength. I think he used them once. Combined, the ankle weights total five pounds.

I strapped them on my ankles and wore them all day. Just 5 pounds. It didn't really seem that much difference in my walking. I didn't feel a burden to my step but after a quarter of a century on high heels for Corporate America my legs are the most muscular thing about me. I'd probably really feel it if I put them on my wrists. My upper body is jello.

Yes, a post experiement internet research indicated not all people recommend them because it will affect a natural gait and we shouldn't expose our limbs to extra unnatural weight like that.

But darned if I didn't feel better, lighter, noticeably different when I took them off last night. Just five pounds. What a difference it made. Just 5 pounds.

I never know from where my next path sustaining inspiration will come. Often it's an unexpected 'good' result. Most often it's support from my friends here on the website. And yesterday, it was from a pair of old abandoned ankle weights.

So maybe if you're like me and have a tendency to give into the sabatoge voice taunting 'just 5 pounds, are you kidding... You have so far to go ...' Maybe you could pick up a pair of these or even just find a five pound equivalent to tie around your waist or around your legs and wear it all day and you too could experience the joy of being lighter once you remove it.

And when your weight loss journey stalls or slows or some emotional trigger makes you wonder if it's worth it, instead of thinking "Oh my gawd, I have another 50lbs to go ... I'll never get there" just put on the five pound weights and remind yourself to take it one day, one bite at a time.

That's my plan at least. You're welcome to borrow it.

Thank you for reading.

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1185 kcal

Fat: 34.41g | Prot: 82.61g | Carb: 138.54g.   Breakfast: Schwans Mixed Berries, Quaker Old Fashioned Oatmeal, Flax Seed, Creamer, Coffee. Lunch: Dill Pickle Spears, Wholly Guacamole, Hormel Deli Lean Turkey, Staceys Bagel Chips, Sargento Reduced Fat Colby Jack, Spicy Mustard. Dinner: Whole Wheat Bread, Hormel Ham Deli, Mushrooms, Weight Watchers String Cheese, Kraft Fat Free Cheese, Egg White, Egg. Snacks/Other: Schwans Mixed Berries, Dannon Light Greek Yogurt, General Mills Basic Four. more...

3657 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 1 hour, Sleeping - 8 hours, Sitting - 6 hours, Desk Work - 6 hours, Standing - 2 hours, Housework - 1 hour. more...