FullaBella's Journal, 07 May 2013

Tom Grunnick: What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?
Aaron Altman: Keep it to yourself.

That quote is from the movie Broadcast News and is so close to the philosophy that has imprisoned me most of my life. So, I hope anyone viewing my journal is sitting down because you're about to read something from me you rarely see.

I'm happy today. Stupid, silly, grateful, fearlessly, happy with my life today.

Yep, I said it outloud to my husband, murmered it as I rubbed Mushy's ears, hummed it as I watered the flowers, repeated it as I prepared lunch and here I am putting it out there in print on the interweb.

Don't scan ahead looking for 'it'. I haven't stepped on the scale. I didn't magically lose 10lbs. This isn't weight driven bliss. It's just freaky happiness. And I refuse to fear it.

The fearful me I don't want to be anymore tried to stop me. The cynic that says 'don't.... shhhh... don't tease fate... just put your head down and move on... ' Yep, she tried.

But the fearLESS me I WANT to BECOME refused.

So here goes another fearless act: I'm declaring May is going to be a GOOD month for me. After the hurricane, tornado and flood of crap that hit Bellawood in March and loitered in April (tenant issues, realtor problems, warehouse tresspassing damage, TV going out, A/C issues, unknown calls from the Justice of the Peace and oh that little issue of Identity Theft) it's time a month went my way. Yesterday I deposited the check from the realtor. That concludes THAT battle (we Won!!).

I received beautiful flowers on our 'day' and they are still intoxicatingly fragrant although they are showing signs of wilt and we had no catastrophes to survive. The sun is shining. I'm sitting in my store wearing shorts and sandels and my hair is tucked up beneath a cap and I'm happy. Strong. Confident. Happy.

Returning home from grocery shopping yesterday I prepared the most delightful single skillet dinner of mahi mahi, asparagus, onion, spinach, artichoke, and sundried tomatoes all simmered in a fantastic balsamic vinegar.

It was so delightful I only scooped half the portion of food I usually eat. I did NOT want anything to take that joy from me, particularly not being over full or uncomfortable. I love what ate and how I ate it.

Then for 'eating what I love'. Yes, I know that I'm not really hungry when I have my bowl of berries and cottage cheese after my nightly shower. I have that because I love the taste of it and enjoy every tiny bite eaten from a sorbet spoon (no shoveling that way) and I sleep better.

This morning another skillet delight of bacon, onion, spinach, egg & cheese for breakfast. Fabulous.

Then I enjoyed at least an hour playing in my backyard followed by preparing my husband's breakfast.

Following that I chopped carrots, onions, celery and potatoes while the pork roast browned. All simmered to finish in a slow cooker and my home smells wonderful. I acknowledged how much joy 'cooking' and 'eating' are bringing me. A year ago lunch was delivered cold and tasteless in styrofoam containers and paper bags. Today lunch was a 'melt in your mouth' pork roast and vegetables. I actually feel as if I'm discovering the joy of food again in a whole new light.

I'm happy. No, I'm not high nor have I gone completely insane. The TV is still too loud. American Dad continues to blast from the other room. I nearly sliced my fingertips off while chopping the vegetables. While I was thrilled 'Scrubbing Bubbles' did actually clean the soap scum from the glass walls (where Mr. Clean failed) I'm not so thrilled with a business transaction my husband made requiring us to just 'agree to disagree' to avoid arguing. Ahh, marriage and business partners. A high wire act at best.

But for the rest, today, I'm happy.

Stop looking around for an empty pod and thank you for reading.

Bella

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1979 kcal

Fat: 106.71g | Prot: 114.71g | Carb: 145.86g.   Breakfast: Bacon, Cheddar Cheese, Egg, Onions, Baby Spinach. Lunch: Tomatoes, Cucumber (with Peel), Onions, Butter Whipped (Salted), Potatoes (Flesh, with Salt, Boiled), Celery, Pork Loin (Tenderloin). Dinner: American Pride Mahi Mahi, Kirkland Signature Artichoke Hearts Marinated in Oil, Classico Creations Sun-Dried Tomato Pesto Sauce, Baby Spinach, Onions, Balsamic Vinegar, Mariani Sun Dried Tomatoes. Snacks/Other: Beef Porterhouse Steak (Trimmed to 1/8" Fat, Choice Grade), Cheddar Cheese, Mission Flour Tortillas (Fajita Size), Spectrum Chia Seeds, Schwan's Golden Fruit Blend, Fage Total 0% Greek Yogurt (Container), Dry Roasted Almonds (with Salt Added). more...

1934 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...