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The harder something is, the more rewarding it is to finish...
I've been cheating here lately. Not full meals, but candy here and there. I know it knocks me right out of ketosis, I know it sets my goal back by at least 3 days every time, I know that I don't need to eat junk, but I do it. I keep doing it. I am fighting the same dragons I fought 6 months ago. I am fighting the fat girl in me saying "your husband loved you at 500lbs...go ahead" and it irritates me, I hate that part of me. The addict that can't say no. The girl who doesn't want to fight, or try. The lazy girl, the fat girl who doesnt care about her future. I'm disappointed and disgusted with myself.
What's weirder, I've still lost weight. I lost another pound at my Friday weigh in. I feel like I should have gained, that my body should punish me for eating junk again. I'm confused. I'm lucky I guess, too, because I would have been even more upset at myself had I gained a bunch of weight. I guess I'm just frustrated at myself for falling backward. Tomorrow is Monday, a new start, a new week.
I mentioned my hair falling out. I had run out of biotin, which I was taking daily, and I didn't buy more cause I figured I didnt need it. I see now, I did. I bought more today. I just dont want to go bald...my biggest fear. I have always loved my hair, and to see the amount I've been losing really upset me. I know it will come back, but it just freaks me out.
I try to be as open and honest here as I can be, I want people to see the struggles but know that if I can keep going, so can they. I was 505lbs, I sit at 374 right now, which is a huge drop. I am so proud of myself, but it wasnt easy. I struggle daily, but I'm never giving up, even on days I want to, I am going to keep pushing forward. One step at a time.
I will pray for strength to keep pushing forward, for will power to face all the temptation in my life. I will pray we all continue to make forward progress and the mountains in our paths become small hills. I give thanks for the progresses made and give glory to God for bringing me as far as I have come. In Jesus holy name, amen!!
Remember that every step forward is one less that you have to take tomorrow. When it seems the hardest, that is when you learn what you are made of. I miss being here more often and I will try to be around more, it's hard though when I cannot log in at work and I dont have free time at home. I'm sorry!! I know that is part of the reason I am struggling so much, because I am not seeing you guys and your victories to keep me going. I will try harder. love you all so much!! And please remember, love yourself, no matter your size or shape, because if you cant love yourself now, you never will be able to. Goodnight!
Diet Calendar Entries for 05 August 2018:
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803 kcal
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Fat: 62.68g | Prot: 55.31g | Carb: 5.27g.
Dinner: Queso Fresco, Provolone Cheese, Havarti Cheese, Meijer Summer Sausage Slices. Snacks/Other: Frigo Cheese Heads Original String Cheese. more...
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1 to 20 of 31
 Comments
That's it...you can do whatever you set your mind to do. We must never give up!
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Hugs Klynn...you have done amazingly well and will continue. I believe in you!
05 Aug 18 by member: momma6224
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Your heart attitude and accomplishments are inspiring. You have come a long way and do have a good ways to go but you are going to finish this journey to a healthier you. It is OK that you had a short cheat time. Be patient. Focus on the positives. Review your goals and make the FS community and tools part of your "me time." You are doing great!
05 Aug 18 by member: Fartblossem
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We all cheat!!Don't think about that. Each day is a new chance to come closer to our fit selves. look at how far you've come!
06 Aug 18 by member: carolynph
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Tough Love! Just "PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN, NOW!"
06 Aug 18 by member: 001.dark.horse
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we all struggle! and we all need support. Welcome back
06 Aug 18 by member: INKA2105
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If it makes you feel better.. I have cheated too, twice in 2 weeks (bread crumbs, pastries) but I just go forward and am still better than I was before I began dieting! Actually, the little cheats made me not feel so deprived instead of making me want to cheat more.
06 Aug 18 by member: jujuktz
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You can and you will! Do eat a cheat meal (moderation, don't go nutz) once or twice a month, but no more sneaky "calories here and there" replace them with healthy choices. Don't buy the unhealthy food anymore (remove temptation) but keep the healthy replacements at hand. Keep busy and your mind off food. Things will go better, it takes time. Say NO and be a little tough on yourself, you will feel so great and be so proud of yourself afterwards. You can and you will!!
06 Aug 18 by member: 001.dark.horse
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You have made GREAT progress in your fight. Never give up! We all get knocked down, but you have to get back up and keep fighting.
As for the Biotin you are taking for hair loss. Do you have hypothyroidism or Hashimoto's disease? I was losing hair and was really struggling just to lose 1 lb. I had a TSH test done by my regular Dr. and the results were 3.9. That's in the "normal" range. Well, I was so frustrated and went to a Functional Medicine Dr. Found out that really 3.9 is high. Real normal is under 3 and should be like 2.5 actually. The functional Dr. did some more tests and not only did I have hypothyroidism, but I did have Hashimotot's disease. Something that takes years to develop. .I was put on Nature-throid tablets. I immediately started to lose weight. Not a lot, but a little here and a little there. 21 lbs so far. But I am still adjusting my eating habits and I found out I am allergic to a lot of foods.
So please get tested and don't always believe what conventional Dr.s say is normal.
Keep your head up and keep moving forward. Yesterday does not determine your today!
06 Aug 18 by member: cathy586
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At your size, you can eat a lot of candy and still be in a calorie deficit and still lose weight.
06 Aug 18 by member: davidsprincess
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Klynn82, Why are you losing your hair. I must have missed the reason. I hope not because of Keto diet.
06 Aug 18 by member: deesplayname
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You have come a long Way! Stay focused and remember we are lifting you up. You inspire me to keep pushing. Thank you for sharing
06 Aug 18 by member: eatolive4life
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I go through the same things..sometimes I log and some I don't..sometimes I eat bad and wonder why the scale has gone up..but I have to take it as a learning curve and keep moving forward...it's great when people like you can come on here and be transparent with their struggles and trying to eat right just to be healthy..I commend you for your honesty..
06 Aug 18 by member: 21sony
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You said something very profound in there...you will pray for strength. And, I am sure that those that love you -and some that don't even know you (me)- will pray with you. This journey is hard. I have never been big on making comparisons because every person is different. But, my story is that I love potatoes .... in any form they come .... and I am struggling to fight diabetes. It is so difficult, especially when the scale disappoints you. I have found more encouragement in my kids when they tell me, "Mom, you should keep drinking water because your face is getting pretty." or when I can go to a restaurant and opt for steamed veggies instead of a loaded potato. You will find your motivation. It will not stop those candy cravings, but it helps with the alternative choices. Girl, you can do this!!!!!!
And congratulations on such a huge drop!
06 Aug 18 by member: LadyMBeauregard
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Klynn82 we are traveling a similar path. I eat what I know I shouldn't and when I do I feel awful in my heart. I know better, so why don't I do better? Sound familiar? My coach thinks it is an addiction pattern, I agree. So, I can't have any small piece of anything not allowed on Keto, if I do the temptation to binge is too high. You have done fantastic, 130 pounds lost is amazing! You are an inspiration in that even though you struggle you continue on. Thank you for your honesty and your model.
06 Aug 18 by member: Keyishealth
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I am so proud of how far you’ve come! You inspire me. I have these same struggles but am hanging in there. Over 100 pounds lost, wow incredible! 😊😊😊
06 Aug 18 by member: dkr61
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I think it's hard to eliminate something you love without figuring out a substitute. Elimination = loss, and unless you're totally on board with the goal of losing weight and getting healthier, you (meaning everyone) will slip. It sounds like you need to figure out WHY you're reaching for that candy before you're going to be successful. Just my two cents! I've been there, too. It's a process.
06 Aug 18 by member: SoCalPam
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just keep going. small amounts of junk is not great but if you were able to keep yourself from undoing everything that's a win. keep it up
06 Aug 18 by member: KualityE
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Maybe learn to eat in moderation
06 Aug 18 by member: rosio19
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When we learn to eat in moderation we can eat anything including candy. You will never retreat eating a piece of candy because it will not set you back any days.
06 Aug 18 by member: rosio19
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